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“I didn’t think about it that way.”
“Neither did I at first. At least not until Paxton pointed it out.”
“She’s a good friend, isn’t she?”
“She is. And I’m going to miss the hell out of her. And you. But I need to do this. I need to give Jake a chance to be a parent so our son can grow up knowing he has a mother and a father who love him.”
Mom squeezes my hand. “Your selflessness has always amazed me. You’re going to be a wonderful mother. You were amazing with Ryan, even if you didn’t get to bear the title the way you deserved to.”
I pull her into a tight hug and let the tears fall. I could blame it on hormones, but it’s more than that. It’s hearing those words and realizing, maybe for the first time in my life, that one of my biggest fears has always been not being good enough to be a mom. That my parents stepped in because they didn’t think I’d ever be capable of doing it on my own.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
This New Start
Hanna
PAXTON DRIVES ME to the airport the following Friday morning. Saying goodbye is hard. There are tears. A lot of them.
“Now I have a reason to use my vacation time for things other than staycations. I’ll come out and see you in a couple of weeks, once you’re settled in, okay?” She hugs me again for the tenth time.
She suggested coming with me to help me move in, but I’d rather have real time with her once I’m unpacked, so we decided to wait.
The moving truck is scheduled to arrive in Seattle this morning, and Jake is supervising the movers. They’re not only bringing all the boxes and furniture to my new two-bedroom house, they’re also unpacking for me. The only rooms they’ve been asked to hold off on are my bedroom and the bathroom. The bed and dresser can be set up, but I’ll unpack all of my clothes and other important bedroom items.
I could have easily stayed in Jake’s pool house, where Queenie used to live before she moved in with Ryan, but I felt it would be an easier transition for all of us if I got my own place first. That way we could have some time to date—if that’s what you call me passing out by nine while we watch Netflix—as we settle into our new normal.
I’d like to get my feet under me first. I’ve spent most of my life in small-town Tennessee, so I need time to get used to my new digs and a new city.
I land in Seattle in the early afternoon. It’s hard not to get all swoony the second I spot Jake at the airport, waiting for me. He’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt. The shirt looks like something Queenie might have bought for him. The sleeves are tight around his biceps and it reads BEER AND HOCKEY ARE MY JAM across his broad chest. A wide smile forms when he sees me, and his long legs eat up the distance between us. He pulls me into a tight hug and kisses his way across my cheek to my lips. He keeps it chaste, though, since we’re in a public place.
“You look beautiful as always. Let me take your bag. How was your flight?” He takes my suitcase and settles his palm on my lower back as we head for the exit.
“The flight was lovely. Thank you for upgrading my seat.” I booked economy, but when I got to the airport, I’d been moved to first class.
“I have a ridiculous number of air miles. It’s not a big deal. Do you need the restroom before we get in the car?”
“Oh. Yes. That’s probably a good idea.” I don’t remember the incessant need to pee being this bad with Ryan. Or the ridiculous thirst. It’s not ideal or convenient.
Jake waits for me outside the women’s restroom, and then we’re on our way to my house.
“I hope you don’t mind, but King and Queenie stopped by the house to help with some of the unpacking. I thought we could order takeout and have a meal together before they leave, but I understand if you’re tired and want some time on your own.”
“That sounds perfect, actually.” I haven’t seen Ryan in a few weeks, and although we talk regularly, it still feels like there’s a new distance between us that I’d like to work on bridging.
The kitchen and living room are all set up by the time I get there, the art and photos hung on the walls, instantly transforming it into my new home. Even my bedroom is mostly set up, apart from the boxes of clothes and other things no one needs to see but me.
The baby’s room is untouched, but there are paint swatches taped to the wall. “I know we have lots of time, but I would love to help you paint this room when you’re ready. And, of course, we’ll do the one in my dad’s house too, but he’s already set on a hockey theme, so I thought maybe we could do something fun and artsy here.” Queenie slips her arm through mine and rests her cheek on my shoulder. “But we can wait on that. I’m just so excited you decided to make the move. I know it must have been a tough decision, but I think you’re going to love living here. The art scene is great, and I can introduce you to everyone at the art therapy clinic when you’re ready.”
