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Licking my lips, I peek up at him but stay quiet, though my heart is screaming, me too, right back at him.
“I’m not going anywhere, Say,” he rumbles, the promise settling in all the right places.
I bite the inside of my cheek before replying, “That’s good. I’d hate for Principal Wells to have to find a replacement, and Grady’s a good kid. I’d miss him as a student in my class.”
“Is that the only thing you’d miss?”
My breath hitches as he carefully weaves his fingers under my purse and sets it in the passenger seat of my car. Just like he used to when we were in high school, when I’d complain that the teachers expected us to carry way too many textbooks.
I squeeze my eyes shut. “I learned to live without you a long time ago.”
“That’s funny, ‘cause I never learned how to live without you.” His tone is laced with a regret that makes my knees weak.
“I’m sure you got along just fine,” I tease in an attempt to lighten the mood, but it falls short.
“You have no idea.” He shakes his head before lifting it toward the sky that’s still painted in orange and purple, casting a comforting warmth on the shitty circumstances. With a deep breath, he drops his chin to his chest, then holds my gaze hostage as he murmurs the words that I’ve been desperate to hear since the moment he walked out of my life.
“I’m sorry I hurt you, Say.”
I bite my lip and swallow back the golf ball-sized lump in my throat. “It’s––”
“Don’t say it’s okay,” he murmurs, his face contorting in pain.
I hate that I don’t want to see him hurting even after all the shit he put me through. That I’d rather comfort him instead of letting him feel an ounce of the agony I’ve had to live with since the moment he walked out of my life.
But his pain has always been mine, and I can’t bear
to sit back and let him carry the burden of guilt any longer. Not when I know how awful it feels. He’s not the only one with regret. I should’ve fought harder for him. I should’ve gotten on a plane and begged him to give us another chance. To give me another chance.
My smile is tight as I set my hand against his forearm that’s still resting against my open driver’s side door. “It’s not okay, Owen. But it’s life. Live and learn, right?”
“I was young and stupid––”
“We both were.”
“No. This is on me.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation, Owen,” I lie.
“Bullshit, I don’t,” he growls, his warm breath kissing my cheeks. We’re close. Too close. But I can’t find the willpower to put some much-needed distance between us. I’ve always been weak around him. I guess not much has changed in that regard.
“I owe you a hell of a lot more than an explanation,” he rasps. “I owe you the life we’d been planning to build together before I threw it all away because I thought I wasn’t good enough. I was young and stupid––”
“We’ve already covered that part,” I quip, my voice nothing but a breath of anguish.
“Let me take you out to dinner. Please?”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t.”
His attention drops down to my mouth the same way it used to, making my toes curl with anticipation before remembering that he’s not mine to kiss. Not anymore. I gulp and pull away from him, desperate for air the same way I’ve always been desperate for him. My own self-preservation battles with my need to keep him close, to taste him again after all these years.
But I can’t.
“Thanks again for today,” I whisper. “I’ll, uh, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
