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'Hurry up,' Grandma said. 'Your mother won't start serving drinks until you're at the table, and I need one real bad. I had the day from heck. I traipsed all the way over to Stiva's Funeral Parlor for Lorraine Schnagle's viewing, and she turned out to have a closed casket. I heard she looked real bad at the end, but that's still no reason to deprive people from seeing the deceased. People count on getting a look. I made an effort to get there, dressing up and everything. And now I'm not going to have anything to talk about when I get my hair done tomorrow. I was counting on
Lorraine Schnagle.'
'You didn't try to open the casket, did you?'
The? Of course not. I wouldn't do such a thing. And anyway, it was locked up real tight.'
'Is Valerie here?'
'Valerie's always here,' Grandma said, 'That's another reason I'm having the day from heck. I was all tired after the big disappointment at the funeral parlor, and I couldn't take a nap on account of your niece is back to being a horse and won't stop the galloping. And she whinnies all the time. Between the baby crying and the horse thing, I'm pooped. I bet I got bags under my eyes. If this keeps up I'm going to lose my looks.' Grandma squinted up and down the street. 'Where's your car?'
'It sort of caught fire.'
'Did the tires pop off? Was there an explosion?'
`Yep.'
'Darn! I wish I'd seen that.I always miss the good stuff. How'd it catch fire this time?'
'It happened at a crime scene.'
`I'm telling you this town's going to hell in a handbasket. We never had so much crime. It's getting to where you don't want to go out of the neighborhood.'
Grandma was right about the crime. I saw it escalating at the bond office. More robberies. More drugs on the street. More murders. Most of it drug and gang related. And now I had seen the
Red Devil's face, so I was sucked into it.
Stephanie Plum 10 - Ten Big Ones
TWO
I found my mom at the kitchen sink, peeling potatoes. My sister
Valerie was in the kitchen, too. Valerie was seated at the small wood table, and she was nursing the baby. It seemed to me
Valerie was always nursing the baby. There were times when I looked at the baby and felt the pull of maternal yearnings, but mostly I was glad I had a hamster.
Grandma followed me into the kitchen, anxious to tell everyone the news, 'She blew up her car again,' Grandma announced.
My mother stopped peeling. 'Was anyone hurt?'
'No,' I said. 'Just the car. It was totaled.'
My mother made the sign of the cross and took a white-knuckled grip on the paring knife. 'I hate when you blow up cars!' she said. 'How am I supposed to sleep at night knowing I have a daughter who blows up cars?'
'You could try drinking,' Grandma said. 'That always works for me. Nothing like a good healthy snort before bedtime.'
My cell phone chirped, and everyone paused while I answered.
'Are you having fun yet?' Morelli wanted to know.
'Yeah. I just got to my parents' house and it's lots of fun. Too bad you're missing it.'
'Bad news. You're going to have to miss it, too. One of the guys just brought in a suspect, and you're going to have to ID him.'
'Now?'
`Yeah. Now. Do you need a ride?'
