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Kova didn't say a word. He just stared into my eyes, pleading, begging, but for what, I didn't know.
"Prosti," he said again, this time a little more broken.
Whatever he needed was his to take.
He placed his palms on my hips and skimmed higher, taking my shirt with him. Slowly, he pulled it over my head and my thick hair tumbled around my shoulders. He watched it fall, then cupped my neck, his fingers threading in my wavy locks as he slanted my face and kissed me like he did before.
There was no denying Kova was speaking to me through his kiss, through his body, through the hurt that he was going through. In this moment, I knew he needed me as much as I needed him.
I knew it. My heart knew it.
Tentatively, I reached for the buckle of his belt, then the button, and then I slowly unzipped his pants. Kova leaned into me and guided me gently onto my pillow. He drew back and stood, removing his pants and dropping them to the floor. Our eyes never leaving each other's, the connection too strong between us to break our gazes, as he climbed back into bed and crawled toward me.
"Pozhalyusta prosti, menya," he said that prosti word again and I started to wonder why he repeated it over and over with such suffering. Settling himself between my legs, he looked deep into my eyes while he positioned himself at my entrance.
"You deserve so much better," he said, then slowly but firmly pushed inside. Reaching behind him, Kova pulled the blanket over us and pushed in a little deeper. The look in his gaze made me want to cry. My heart was breaking because I knew with every fiber of my being that something wasn't okay. The finality of his words, the way he spoke them, it was like he was saying goodbye.
"Go slow, it's been a long time," I said so soft and so gentle. I didn't want him to pull away, but it'd been a while, months, since we’d been so intimate. He could be a savage when he wanted to, but I got the impression it wasn't like that this time for him.
I got the feeling Kova needed someone to breathe air into him.
Nodding, he dipped his chin down and kissed me. I savored the feel of his body. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my heels into the back of his thighs, holding him tighter to me.
"Prosti," he repeated, and my heart started to split down the center.
Kova pulled out and pushed slowly back in all the way. I sighed into his mouth, trying to adjust to his width. It was tight for me at first, but I blocked out the discomfort and took all of him. He did it again, kissing me deep and hard as he thrust in. My back arched, my chest rose, meeting his, and I gasped into his mouth. Strong arms enveloped me. Kova trembled as he held me tightly to him, as if he were holding on for dear life.
"Take what you need," I said, panting against his lips. I looked into his distressed eyes. "Take all of me… I'm yours."
And he did. Kova didn’t hesitate. His hips pulled back and slammed into me, a wave of euphoria rushed through me. My eyes rolled shut from the pleasure as he pulled out so devastatingly slow I could feel every inch of his hardness, even the vein I was familiar with that twirled down the front of his shaft. I felt every inch of his bare length. Kova pulled out just enough so I could feel the crown of h
is head teasing my entrance.
"Look at me," he demanded in a whisper.
I did…and I blew out a breath.
Kova said a string of words in Russian, trying desperately to keep his emotions together. Just as I thought he would surge back in and ravage me, he pressed in so slow I almost begged him to go faster. His eyes never left mine and a gasp rolled off my lips as he took me all the way. I moaned and so did he. I reached up, but he pressed both my hands to the bed next to my head and laced his fingers with mine. He was breathing so hard.
"No, let me, please. I need this control right now," he begged, breaking. "I need you."
"Anything," I said softly.
He shook his head. Bending down, he pulled my bottom lip into his mouth while his hips rolled in and out into mine, hitting the little bundle of nerves every time. I couldn't stop the sounds escaping my parted lips when he dipped his mouth to my neck and kissed me everywhere. My hips met his thrusts, over and over, and the groaning sounds Kova made, made me feel sublime. His fingers held mine so tight, I felt his struggle, and when he let out a low and long moan, I almost came. It was the sexiest sound in the world.
"Oh my God," I said breathlessly. "Kova…" I needed to touch him, he somehow managed to release his hold on me, and I grabbed the back of his head, clutching him.
"Mne ochen zhal," he responded on another moan. He twitched inside me and I didn't have it in me to ask him to pull out.
Fuck the consequences.
I tried to hold still, but he made me feel too good. I just hoped I made him feel as good. I grabbed the skin over his ribs, pulling on him. My hands dragged down his back and I pulled on him everywhere I could touch, allowing my nails to score him. My back arched, and my chest pushed into his. Kova held me as he drew back so he was sitting upright and I was straddling his hips. The covers fell, and I gasped against his mouth as he cupped my jaw and the back of my head while he drove into me much deeper. He rose up on his knees and held me with his powerful strength. Wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders, I pressed my breasts to his chest and kissed him with everything I had. Kova encouraged it by meeting my kiss with the same ferociousness. We were frantic, neither one of us wanting to let go.
This was Kova. He either gave all, or he gave nothing.
And he was all in.
If I hadn’t known any better, I'd say he was making love to me. Heartbreaking, soul-crushing lovemaking. The sheer desire and pain he emitted was devastating. If he could crawl inside me, I'd let him, just to take away his pain.
