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"Yes."
"After your scores this past weekend, we think you have a strong chance of making the national team. If you do, the meets you attend will change and so will your practice schedule, meaning we'd add in various camps for you to attend and so forth." I glanced at Kova with wide eyes. "You're aware that only twelve will make the national team, right?"
I nodded slowly and said, "And from that twelve, only four would make the Olympic team."
"If you continue to compete the way you have been…" Madeline left her statement open. A brow raised, she whistled through a grin. "Kova's been telling me that you're ready for more for quite some time now. I was a little skeptical, considering how much you had to train to reach this point. So few can take on what you have. Then your injury happened, and I worried that your gymnastics career was in jeopardy. An Achilles could snap at any minute." She paused, and looked into my eyes with amazement. "But you proved yourself, your strength, and your energy. I never should have doubted Kova."
"I am never wrong, Madeline." Kova joked, and they both laughed. I didn't.
"I see great things in your future," Madeline said.
This time I smiled. I knew from experience that before something great happened, everything tended to fall apart. And I had to wonder if I was already past the bad part and if this was my moment.
"You have another meet this weekend," Kova said. He had circles under his eyes and his face looked a little drawn. He looked as tired as I felt. "In between, for the next few weeks until the qualifier, you will do nothing but practice. From morning to night until the day before we leave, you will work your ass off. Kind of like a cram session before a test. I will call your father and have him put your tutoring on hold, that way you will have nothing to worry about. You will forget everything except the meet and the routines. That will have your undivided focus. Nothing else. Do not cloud your mind with things that can go wrong. You must remain focused on everything that will go right. Because it will. You will practice like you have never won a damn thing in your life and you will perform your heart out."
I wasn't an idiot. The look in his eyes and the way he twisted his thick wedding band said everything it needed to. Kova was the master at being discreet. The subtlety of his actions and the pointed stare was loud and clear—he needed me to forget about his marriage. And since he knew I wasn't going to speak to him privately outside of this room, he had to get it all out here while he could. He needed me to let it go, so I could focus on this new goal.
What he didn't know was that I'd already been working on that.
I sighed inwardly but kept a straight face. If it were only that easy. Deep down, I was still recovering from the head-on collision his secret nuptials caused me. It was playing with my mind. One minute I was as empty as a broken shell, the next minute I felt enraged and so full of emotion that I was ready to combust like fireworks on the fourth of July. Memories of our past conversations flipped through my head, along with the moments we'd shared outside these walls. There was nothing more I wanted than to forget them all and start over. Instead, I had to learn to deal with it the best I could, and by doing that, I shut down.
I studied him. I knew Kova. There wasn't a chance he would've suggested this, let alone been on board if he thought for a split second I didn't have what it took. That wasn't Kova's style. He took risks, yes, but his risks were measured and calculated. Planned. Well-thought-out and guaranteed success.
"We believe in you," Madeline said, her tone motherly. I looked at her and smiled. "We know you can do it. And after what you said to me at the meet a few weeks ago, I knew it too."
Tilting my head to the side, I asked, "What did I say?"
"You said that you remembered who you were, what you wanted, and it changed the game. For your age, that's powerful and inspiring."
Kova was eyeing me. His stare was heavy, willing me to look at him but I didn't pay him any attention. I didn't remember saying that, but I knew it's what I’d been feeling lately, so I probably did.
He was nervously tapping the tip of his pen on the desk, something I found odd for him to do. Steadying my breathing, I decided to go a different route and let him k
now I was still upset for what he’d done with Katja in this office and that I'd heard everything.
"There was a moment where I was slipping. I was letting go and I was unconsciously putting gymnastics second. This sport means everything to me. I built my life on it. What I do here is not just for me, but all of us. I got where I am because of both of you and the dedication you guys put in too. Sometimes I get stuck on one speed with one goal in mind, and I need to slow down. Thankfully a friend’s been helping me do just that. Gymnastics is my most beloved, and this friend holds a dear place in my heart for reminding me of that. I owe them everything.”
Kova was anything but stupid.
He stopped tapping his pen and I could feel him tense even though he was sitting across from me. Victory unfurled inside my stomach and I allowed the feeling to flow through me. It felt good. What I said was true, but I made sure to use the words he had said to his wife and he knew it.
“It’s actually very common to have moments where you question everything and forget why you’re here. Whoever this friend is, you’re lucky,” Madeline said. “Don’t let them go.”
My cheeks bloomed with heat and I smiled. “Thank you,” was all I could muster. I was stuck in between emotion and numbness again when I turned to look at Kova and released my feelings for just a second.
I gave him the tiniest smirk. It was enough. He caught it loud and clear.
I exhaled a loud breath and feigned a smile from ear to ear for both of them this time. I needed to show them I was ecstatic on the outside and not dying on the inside like I was. Positivity brought optimism that carried confidence and self-assurance on its back. It was the key to victory, and that’s what Madeline and Kova had both given me. I had to give it back, even if it was a fake one.
Silence stretched between us. When it became slightly uncomfortable, I reached down and grabbed my bag and stood up. “So… I guess I’ll see you guys tomorrow?”
“Yes. I have a few things to discuss with Madeline first, then I will call your father. Expect two-a-days until Thursday. Friday we fly out for comp, then it is back to the grind.”
I nodded. I could do it.
“Try and get some good rest tonight,” Madeline said, her gaze studying my face. “Your eyes are a little swollen and it looks like you have a rash on your face. Have you eaten something new? Allergic to anything maybe?”
I thought about it for a moment. I’d barely eaten lately but that was because my back pain made me so nauseous I couldn’t even stomach thinking about food.
