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Oh fuck.
* * *
I wiped away the warm tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand.
I was such a mess. I rarely cried before Kova came into my life, and now I cried all the time. Today I was a blubbering Sensitive Suzie with a river of tears.
"Aid. Come on. Talk to me," Hayden begged. He'd followed me into the kitchen after I'd gotten up, unable to sit still while he picked apart my biggest secret.
"Just go," I said with my back to him. Hayden placed a hand on my shoulder and encouraged me to turn around. I fell into him without looking, my chest splintering down the center. I swallowed hard and hiccupped. "I'm so embarrassed, I can't even look at you."
"I’m here, Aid. Tell me what’s going on."
"He was… I never thought I would fall for him the way I did. I never thought any of this would happen."
Hayden listened in silence while I poured my soul out.
"Don’t get mad at me," he said when I finally caught my breath. "But what did you expect would come from your relationship with him? Did you think you guys would end up together?"
"I have no idea, not him marrying someone else, that’s for sure. He doesn’t love her, I know he doesn’t."
Hayden hesitated for a moment. "He has to love her, even a little bit to marry her. I’m not saying this to hurt you, but there’s no way he can’t not love her after being with her for so many years."
Another tear slipped down my cheek. I nodded, chewing my lip raw. He was right. I was lying to myself. Of course, Kova had to love Katja.
"God, how can I be so stupid?" I expelled a heavy breath.
"You’re not stupid." Hayden pressed a kiss to the top of my head.
"I never saw it coming. Shouldn’t I have seen it?"
"No, because he wanted it that way."
My chest burned with the reality of how right he was. "How am I supposed to forget him?"
Hayden lifted my blotchy face to his. Our eyes locked. The startling diamond-like crystal blue pierced my gut. His eyes held a passionate look I'd seen very few times. His hands cupped my jaw and I held my breath as his gaze drifted down to my mouth, his lids becoming heavier the longer he stared at my lips. He stepped closer until I was forced to step back and lean against the counter. I grabbed onto his arms, while his palms slid to the back of my neck, then through the hair at my nape.
"I can’t erase your memory, though I would if it were possible. I’d do anything to see you smile and forget that piece of shit." His callused fingertips kneaded my sore shoulders and a little sigh rolled off my lips.
"I know," I murmured. My head tilted to the side and my eyes closed from the touch of his fingers that felt too good. Hayden leaned against me, his body fitting to mine and igniting a feverish hunger between us.
Hayden drew in a deep, resigned sigh. "Be easy on me, Aid,” he breathed against my mouth quietly before he descended. His lips were soft and supple like Kova's, yet the impression was entirely different. I clenched his shirt and kissed him back, pressing my lips into his, wondering if I would regret encouraging this come tomorrow.
Only Hayden surprised me, and I lost my train of thought. He took the initiative by slipping his tongue between my lips. I softened at the stroke of his sensual kiss and the way he caressed my mouth. We fell in sync and it reminded me of our moment together on New Year's Eve. He tightened his embrace, his hands quickly roaming my body like he couldn't get enough.
It didn't take long for the lust to thicken between us. Heart pounding against my ribs, my hands slipped beneath his shirt, and his abs dipped a little as my unsteady fingers found his taut skin. I was so nervous, and I didn't know why. Before I could move higher, Hayden broke the kiss and stepped back to look down at me.
"I've wanted you for what feels like forever. I'd rather it be under different circumstances, but I'll take what I can get."
Reaching behind his neck, he grasped his shirt and pulled it off in that sexy way all guys do and dropped it to the floor. My lips parted and butterflies swirled in my stomach at the attraction. His gorgeous pecs caught my attention and I placed my hands on his stomach and dragged them to his rock-solid abs, feeling the indents while I skimmed to his chest. I fel
t him take a few deep breaths before he attacked my mouth. He was assertive but gentle, his tongue twirling around mine, tugging and pulling, igniting a glow throughout my body. My arms coiled around his shoulders and I threaded my fingers through his hair and gave in to the sweetest passion rising in me, unlike the dominant need I was used to with Kova.
Hayden's erection nudged my hip while he devoured my mouth with a vengeance. A low ache resonated between my thighs. All logical thought left my mind as he hoisted me onto the counter and began rocking into me.
"I've wanted you too," I admitted, because I have wanted him. He was attractive in a different way than what I was used to, but I needed different right now.
"Don't just say it to say it. You got me already."
