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Her lips parted and she turned sheen white. "Out of how many stages?" she asked, barely audible
"Five," I answered her, and tears instantly filled her eyes. "Don't cry. I'm okay. I'm better than okay,
actually. Some days are harder than others. Like today. The back-to-back meets wear me down big time and take a lot of energy out of me. Sometimes I get a little sick. I'm still adjusting."
"How did you find out? Like when?"
I sat down next to her. "Well, I don't know how long I've had either one for, but from what the doctors told me, if both illnesses aren't treated early, it causes long-term issues and the stages get worse. They gather that's what happened with me. I only found out a couple of months ago."
Her brows rose as her hands held two of the bottles. "You take all these?"
"Multiple times a day."
"Wow," she said softly. "Why didn't you tell me? Does Hayden know?"
"No, no one knows. I don't want anyone to know, to be honest. So please don't mention anything to Hayden. Only my family, Avery, and Kova are aware," I said, and she eyed me like she was waiting for more. "My dad told him."
Holly averted her gaze like she was guilty. "And here I thought there was something else going on when he was just trying to help you."
"What do you mean?"
"I thought for sure there was something more than a coach and gymnast relationship happening. All the signs were there."
I swallowed and smiled softly. "He helps me out a lot, and he looks out for me…"
I left out one major detail, but it wasn’t something she needed to know. I wasn't going divulge anything that could be used against us.
"But…" She continued.
"He's my dad's friend, you know?"
"Wait. How does this affect gymnastics for you?"
Taking a deep breath, I went into detail, telling her all about the illnesses and how they affected me. I told her Avery's a donor match and that I'd eventually need a transplant.
"I can't believe you never told anyone," she said, her voice a little broken when I was done. Disbelief carved her face and I empathized with her. I'd feel the same as her.
"I considered it. I mean, it would be nice to talk about it, but if I did, what would that change? I'll still have the diseases. People don't want to hear someone always complaining, and I definitely didn’t want pity or for anyone treat me differently, so I just keep it to myself. Maybe one day I'll be more open about it."
She nodded, accepting what I said. "Yeah, I guess I could see it from your point of view." She paused. "You're only telling me because I saw the bottles, aren't you?"
"Kind of," I said with a partial smile. "Trust me, I complain a lot to myself. I'm sick of hearing it." Holly laughed, but it was a sad one. "Don't feel bad," I said, "I'd rather deal with it on my own, to be honest. The last thing I want is for someone to worry about it, like baby me, you know?"
"Yeah, I get that. It just sucks."
This time I really laughed. "Just a little bit."
Holly was quiet for a little while. "I just can't believe it. You train harder than most of us, you attend more meets than we do, and you have your eyes set on the Olympics. All while dealing with this?"
"I'm more focused than ever now. When I got the diagnosis, I felt like I had a timer on my life. I was so scared I wouldn't get to live and experience life. I kind of fell into a little bit of a depression because of it and lost my sight, so to stay busy I would just train and keep pushing to take my mind off things."
"You did?"
I nodded. I met her gaze with a pained looked in my eyes. She knew I had a story to tell but I was deciding if I should go the whole mile. I opened my mouth, but she spoke first.
"So before you came to World Cup, there was another coach who Kova ended up firing once he bought the gym. He'd been there for years. We all grew up with him, but we all didn't like him."
Holly shivered, her face twisting in repugnance. I had a feeling what she was trying to tell me was more difficult for her to say than for me to hear.
