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"Answer the question."
Kova rambled in Russian.
"Answer the question, Kova," I said again with a little bite this time.
"No," h
e said, breathless. "I invented this game. Now tell me what you are hiding."
Tears spilled from my eyes and I shot up from his lap. A gush of air expelled from my lungs. I started pacing his office, staring at the floor wishing it would open up and remove me from this cruel world of anxiety that suffocated me. My chest was so tight, strict with lack of air, and my heart was such a mess I thought I was going to vomit.
Kova stood up and tried to come to me but I wouldn't allow it. I put up my hand to stop him.
Grabbing my keys and cell phone from his desk, I made a beeline for the door. He was quick, though, and slammed it shut. I held my breath and felt his chest to my back and his arm wrap possessively around my hips. There wasn't an ounce of anger coming from Kova and while that was relieving, it was also terrifying, because if he knew the truth, I don't think he'd touch me. I clenched my eyes shut, wishing I had the strength to tell him.
"Let me leave," I begged, barely above a whisper.
He forced me to turn around to face him, but I couldn't look. I stared at his chest, ashamed.
Kova lifted my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. "What are you hiding?" he asked, his heart clearly holding those words. His frantic eyes searched mine for a clue. "Did you fuck Hayden again? Because I swear on my dead mother’s grave…"
Shaking my head, I was offended he would think that, even though I knew he was still sleeping with his wife. "No, you lunatic."
"Then what is it?"
"What would you do?" I asked again, going back to my original question he'd avoided.
Kova exhaled. His gaze lifted above my head as his eyes searched for the right words. Then he looked back down. "I guess I would do exactly what you said to me when I asked you that. Now do you understand why I did what I did? Why I had no choice? Why I hid the unwanted marriage?"
I nodded, my lips a flat line coated with salty tears. Sorrow filled his green eyes. His words dripping like melting wax. I got it, even though I hated it more than anything.
"To tell the person you love that you are marrying someone else causes a stairway of turmoil so bad that no one could ever anticipate. I did not even realize I loved you then, but I could not stand to see you suffer, so I thought I could hide it. I thought I would find a way to divorce her before you could know, but I had nothing. In the end, I was not strong enough to admit it to you." He paused. "Is whatever you are holding in why you have been distant with me?"
My eyes searched his hoping he'd see the truth.
"Stop telling me you love me. I can't handle it."
He looked so wounded. His green eyes pierced me with immense grief and for a split second I felt bad I asked him that. Kova swallowed and his Adam's apple bobbed like he was struggling to breathe.
"No, I will not stop. I love you, and whatever you are scared to tell me, it will not make me love you any less. Just, please, Adrianna, what is it?"
"Stop it. You won't love me after this."
"Impossible. You are an integral part of me now and forever."
I slapped his chest, angry that I didn't have the courage to speak up.
"I'm sorry."
I broke down inside. I hated that Avery had pushed me to do this. I knew I should’ve just handled it on my own.
Kova’s face fell and it crushed me to see him like this. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.
“For what? Please, tell me. I cannot stand to see you suffer like this.”
Shaking my head, it was my turn to apologize to him. I crumbled in his arms and cried until I didn’t have any tears left. Until he finally let go and stopped pushing me to tell him.
Instead, he just held me the entire time.
