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“Say something!” I yelled, breathing heavily.
I could deal with Kova’s anger. I could handle Kova’s pain. W
hat I couldn’t handle was his heartbroken silence. My stomach was a pit of rocks and the fact that he was sitting there in utter silence did nothing to ease the stress I was under.
His eyes flared and he glared at me. "What do you want me to say, Adrianna!" he yelled. "You have already made up your mind. What is done is done," he spat. "That is it. There is nothing left for me to say."
I pulled back and gasped. "You're mad," I whispered, shocked. "You expected me to have this baby, didn't you?"
"No, I did not. If you wanted to, then I would have supported your decision. I would never force you to have a child or get rid of one. I am hurt that you did not come to me," he said, and I got fired up real quick from that. "But I know I have no right to be upset after what I have done to you, so I am dealing with this the best way I can right now." He was quiet for a moment and I started to cry again. "I just wish you would have told me sooner so I did not have to find out this way."
"I'm sorry," was all I could think of saying. I didn't know what to say.
He frowned, looking at the tests again then back to me. His eyes searched mine. There was nothing but sorrow in them.
"I am devastated for more reasons than one. I am mad because I did not ever want a child, but finding out you are pregnant, looking at you and imaging you with my child, it makes me think differently. It makes me want that with you now and it fucking kills me that you will have an abortion…" Kova trailed off and started mumbling in Russian. "What I am, is sorry that I got you pregnant." He looked down, almost as if he couldn't bear to say his next words. "And now you have to terminate our child."
He couldn’t even finish the heartbreaking words. We were both paying the price and I wondered how we would ever persevere from this.
"Honestly, it kills me too," I whispered. I'd spoken those words from my heart. "This is going to ruin everything, isn't it?"
"It definitely changes things." He paused, and I held my breath. "If anything, it makes me love you even more than I thought was possible."
My lips parted, my heart shattering down the center. I got up and stood in front of Kova, palming his cheeks. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him. I felt his breath on my neck, the way his body trembled against mine. I broke down, my heart emptying, and I cried with him. He pulled me tighter and put me on his lap. Kova tried to look at me, but I wouldn't let him and I kept my head down. I leaned in, breathing him in, needing him so desperately. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I placed my face against his chest, and I could hear his erratic heartbeat. I looked up at him just in time to see one lone tear fall down his beautiful face.
"You will never understand how truly sorry I am. For everything I have ever done. To you. To us. For all the pain I have caused you. You must know whatever you want to do, whatever you decide, I will support you. I love you so much, Adrianna, that at times it is hard for me to deal with. Damn the consequences. We are a team—but the truth is, when you exhale, I inhale. Not the other way around. I might be the beast beneath your beauty pushing you to succeed, but you are the anchor that holds me steady in a churning ocean threatening to drown me. It is how it has been for me since day one, and it will continue to be that way. Always remember that. So whatever you decide, I will support you."
I cried harder than I’d ever cried in my life.
I cried for myself.
I cried for Kova.
I cried for our child we'd never get to meet.
I cried harder, feeling his sorrow as my own.
After a few moments when the tears subsided, I pulled back and took a deep breath. Kova wiped my face and we stared into each other's eyes without saying any more words.
There was nothing left to say. He was right. This would definitely change things.
Easing myself from his lap, I moved to use the bathroom. The emotional stress of this conversation was killing my stomach. I probably just needed to splash some water on my face.
I took one step, but Kova grabbed my wrist and pulled me between his legs. He placed both hands on my hips, then leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to my stomach. I drew in a quiet gasp, trying to hold back the tears. Kova looked up at me with sorrow in his sad green eyes, almost like he was in mourning.
With his hand splayed on my stomach, he reached forward to press his lips to mine.
"Kiss me, damn it," he fucking begged.
Oh, God, my heart. His gravelly voice made my jaw tremble and the tears to surge again.
"I don't want this to change anything between us," I said against his lips. He started breathing heavily. "I'm scared."
"Kiss me, Ria, please," he begged, his voice completely shattered this time. "I need you to kiss me so I know you do not hate me. So I know you still love me as much as I love you."
And so I did. I kissed him while he kept his hand on my stomach as if he needed to remember this moment, us, and what was growing inside me that we had created. I kissed him back for not treating me the way I’d feared he would. I kissed him back for understanding that while this was our choice, I made the decision and he accepted it. I kissed him back for us and the hope he'd see from this moment on that I was still his and he was still mine and we would forever be Kova and Ria.
As Kova dragged me closer to him, a knock sounded at the door. Our kiss broke apart and our expressions mimicked each other's.
