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"You can't stop me. Why don't you go home and pick a fight with your wife and leave me alone."
I stepped into my shorts and pulled them up, then grabbed one shoe, but Kova stopped me. He spun me around and stepped up to me. I backed up until I was pressed against the locker. He pointed a finger at me. I had the urge to grab it and bend it backwards.
"Do not do this."
"Do what?" I yelled, my breathing heavy, eyes frantic. I shoved him away. I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my flushed cheeks. My fingers trembled as I wiped them away with the back of my hand. "What am I doing that's so wrong?"
"You know exactly what you are doing. You had a long weekend, then you come in and train harder than usual by adding extra conditioning and hours to your schedule. You have a meet coming up."
"And? So? That's a bad thing?"
His eyes grew hard. "For you, yes."
Nostrils flaring, I said between clenched teeth, "Because you think I'm weak."
Kova stilled to stone. "Weak is the last thing I would ever call you."
"Then what is it?" I pleaded, my voice rising. "Why can't I finish like I've been doing?"
"Because I know you are sick and I cannot stomach to see what you are doing to yourself any longer!"
My lips parted in disbelief as air seized my lungs.
I stared at Kova, my jaw bobbing helplessly as I searched for words but came up short.
My mind had to be playing tricks on me.
I dug deeper, glaring at him, praying I hadn't heard those words.
The silence between us stiffened to a crashing sound, threatening me to an asphyxiating level.
"What?" I asked, breathless. I shook my head. There was no way.
Sympathy was in full effect and it made my heart crumble. He extended his hand, but I stepped out of his reach, as if I couldn't stand to be touched by him. Hurt showed in his eyes but I disregarded it.
"What did you say?"
"I know," he said softly. And in my heart, I knew what he meant. "I know everything, and I cannot handle seeing you torture yourself knowing what I know any longer."
I kept shaking my head and inhaling deep and slow. "You know nothing. Nothing." My voice was a whisper.
"Ria, krasivaya, I have known since the beginning."
I could barely breathe. The cage around my heart fractured down the center and opened up, spilling out my heart. I turned around to wrench my bag from my locker. My other shoe fell to the floor and I didn't bother to pick it up.
Fuck running. Fuck everyone. Fuck this life I was dealt.
"No," I said more to myself. No, my dad wouldn't do that. He wouldn't lie to me, not after everything. Everything. "You're lying. You're just trying to manipulate me."
Tears fell fast and hard and I was unable to stop them. Just as I was about to swing the bag over my shoulder, Kova placed a hand to my upper arm.
His fingers, his truth, his compassion, it was all felt in his touch and said everything I didn't want to know.
I lost it. The touch was so simple and enough to shatter me completely.
The strap slipped from my hand and my bag dropped to the floor. Turning around, my teeth gnashed together as I pushed Kova's chest with every ounce of strength I had in me. He was rock solid and I felt like I was pushing a brick wall, but I persisted. He stumbled back and tried to reach for me, but I pushed him again.
"You know nothing!" I screamed through the burning tears. "Nothing! My dad wouldn't do that to me! He wouldn't lie to me like that!"
