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He chuckled. "Oh, really? I hadn't caught on."
I smiled sadly into the phone. "Does—" I didn't know what to call her. "Does Sophia have any other illnesses or diseases in her family history? Anything else I should be concerned with, aside from her sister having MCTD? I don't need any more surprises."
"Her father passed away from liver disease about ten years ago, and I think her mother is okay. I'd have to call Sophia and ask."
I perked up. "When do you think you'll do it?"
"I'll call her now. Once I talk to her, I'll get back to you."
Before we ended our conversation, we went over all my medications. Anything Dad wasn't sure about, he searched on the internet and we went over my symptoms, the importance of that specific medication, and which ones were crucial. He had me use Post-its to write down what they're used for and then stick them to the sides of the bottles. He knew I didn't want to use the pain medications, so those had different color sticky notes. It was much easier this way. The anxiousness that had filled my chest when I first got the prescriptions started to taper off. I was able to breathe again, but I was also too scatterbrained to handle it myself, too stressed and worried about everything I'd read, and where my future with this new diagnosis would lead.
My dad was there for me when I needed him the most, and for whatever reason, that made me emotional and tear up a bit.
"Dad? Remember, don't tell anyone. I don't want anyone to know except for our family, and well, Sophia since you have to talk to her. I have enough on my plate I have to deal with right now, and I don't want anyone to look at me any differently or feel bad or pity me." I paused. "I'd just rather not talk about it if I didn't have to."
"Sweetie, I'll do whatever you want, you know that, but we're all your family and we'll be there for you." Dad sighed when I yawned into the phone. "We'll talk tomorrow, sweetheart. Go get some rest. You've had a long day."
We ended the call and I curled up on my side, holding the phone close to my chest. My hands were shaking, and I had this void inside me that made me feel so cold. I needed someone to tell me it was going to be okay, to hold me tight and take this fear from my chest and make me promises they couldn’t keep.
Instead, I was alone in a lavish condo on the beach with the world against me.
Reaching behind me, I pulled the throw blanket over my body and stared at nothing until I dozed off.
Pretending I was okay was easier than explaining why I wasn't.
Three
I wanted to call Avery after I spoke to Dad last night, but I didn't have it in me after the lengthy and somewhat emotional conversation I'd had with him. I knew talking to her would expend any energy I had left, and I needed every little bit I could muster.
I'd been a shitty and pretty selfish best friend for a few months now and that wasn't fair of me. I knew it was wrong and I needed to rectify that. I just wasn't sure how.
At the next light, I picked up my cell phone and swiped it open to find my favorite contacts. I pressed down on a name I hadn't dialed in many months. It didn't even ring twice before I heard her voice.
"Adrianna?"
Her hopeful tone seared off another piece of my broken heart.
"Hey, Avery." My words came out thick. The phone trembled in my hand. Whether it was from the new steroids I was on, or from finally calling Avery, I wasn't sure. I only knew that I wasn't safe to drive like this. Thank goodness I was about to pull into World Cup.
"Aid…" She said my name again, this time backed with her own emotion.
We didn't speak a word to each other while we sat on the phone and cried together.
Then…
"If you ever press that fuck you button on me again—even once—I swear I'm going to beat your ass. I don't care how much stronger you are than me, I can still bite and pull hair with the best of them. I will totally punch you in the vag."
A giant smile spread across my face and I laughed. I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand.
"Oh man, I needed that more than you could imagine."
"Same here. I've missed you so much."
"Avery?"
"Yeah?" Her soft voice burst with optimism.
"I'm so, so sorry for the way I acted, and for the way I’ve been treating you. It was wrong of me… I'm so ashamed of my actions. I feel terrible."
