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I exhaled a heavy breath trying to take control of the situation. "You're right. I did ask for this, and you're just telling me the truth. It doesn't mean I have to like it though." I paused, my jaw wobbling. "It just really hurts, Kova. Okay? I didn't mean to overreact. I'm sorry."
"Do you think I liked hearing you that had sex with Hayden multiple times? Or when you talk about your future that clearly does not involve me? We have to be able to talk about everything, is that not what you always say to me? Sometimes it sickens me to hear the things you say, but I try to not hold on to them and keep moving. We both do things we do not like right now, but think about it—if it were just me and you, would we do any of this crazy stupid shit we do? No."
He shook his head, his eyes so full of anguish it gripped my heart. He was right. I swallowed, surprised by how civil he was acting and not being defensive, and here I was letting my emotions get to me.
Softly, I said, "It's hardly the same thing and you know it."
He put his hands up and surrendered. "You are right. It is not. But I would never sleep with Kat, and you would have not been with Hayden. We would never have talked about this shit, and we would never fight because we are good together without any of that, and you know it is the truth. It would just be us and that would be it, but we are both stuck in situations we cannot get out of just yet, and probably not for a while. So we do what we have to and will continue doing it and talking shit out, whether we like it or not, because I never want there to be a secret between us again."
My heart pounded harder. "What do you mean a while?"
"Think about it. We cannot openly be together until you are at least eighteen. Even then it will be risky, but at least you would be of age. Even if I divorced Katja tomorrow, we would still have to hide behind closed doors."
He was right again and here I was basically acting my age. That embarrassed me. I grimaced, wishing I thought ahead before I spoke. Here we were, just two people trying to find a way to each other only for real life—people and the law—to get in the way.
I looked at Kova, really looked at him. His eyes bore into mine like he was pleading with me to see his reasons, to agree with him that they made sense. I hated to admit they did. I was about to turn seventeen, and that left us one more year. But then what happened to us after that? Would I go to college? Would we be together officially? Would we have a long-distance relationship? I shook my head and let go of the resentment I held and tried to focus on the now and not worry about the future.
"I'm sorry," I said again, my voice dropping. This was so hard.
"I am sorry too."
"This isn't normal," I stated softly. "I wish we didn't have to deal with this."
"As do I."
I'd give him that.
Propping my hands on my hips, I faked an attitude to lighten the dreary mood.
"You’re needy and controlling and overbearing every day, but sometimes you're right and I don't like adding that to the mix. Your head gets big."
His eyes lit up. "I am always right."
I puckered my lips together to mask my smile. Kova reached for me again as he sat back on his desk. I stood between his legs and looked at him, then wrapped my arms around his shoulders.
"I like you," I said playfully.
"I love you," he said seriously.
Kova kissed my forehead and glided his palms up my thighs and over my butt. He scooped me up and I spread my knees to straddle him. I snuggled up closer to him, unable to ever get close enough, and basked in that feeling.
"Listen to me," he said, hardly moving his lips. "Only we matter to each other and that is that. Right now, things are not how we may want them, but I hope one day they will be. Until then…" He leaned in and dropped a kiss to my lips. "I want you, all of you. We are good together, Ria. I cannot help being addicted to you. We both feed each other what we desire, and that is what makes us us. Fuck what everyone else thinks. I know I am demanding and controlling, but I think you like that. Just how I like when you confront me and argue, going from sweet and innocent to angry and fired up and just want to fight in three seconds flat. I will always want you, Adrianna, always. I wake up in the morning thinking about you. I go to bed thinking about you. When I am buying groceries I am thinking about you. I make coffee, I think about you. I drink vodka, I think about you. I stroke my cock thinking about you. You are always on my mind because I only ever want you."
I shied away. "Kova…" I said, slightly embarrassed. My head dropped to his collarbone. "Why do you always have to find a way to be crude?"
"I am who I am. Now give me a kiss."
No thought needed, I kissed him with everything I had to give. We lost ourselves in the sensual tangle of our lips. Time stood still as our hearts beat against one another. There was no judgment, it was just us falling deeper and deeper in the seclusion of his office. If one paid attention, a kiss reveal
ed truth, and his told me everything I worried he didn't feel but actually did. I wondered if he knew I felt the same way for him.
Kova cupped the back of my head and kissed me like he hadn't kissed me in months. Like I was his world and no matter what I would always be. His length hardened beneath me and I automatically circled my hips. I wound my arms tighter around his neck and nestled closer, returning that same affection, showing him just what he meant to me.
"Tell me what else is on your mind," I said, breaking the kiss. It was so natural for us to lose ourselves in the moment.
He kissed me one last time. "I am sorry for bringing her up. I never should have."
"No," I said, stopping him.
