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As we step near the curb, I can barely make eye contact with her. My guilt is worse than ever knowing she still came here for me.
"Thanks for coming," I say, then exhale a heavy breath. I look at her. "I'll make plans to move my stuff out of your apartment soon. Just give me a little time, please. I know I have no right to ask for anything, but I am for this."
She bites her bottom lip and looks away. She hesitates. "Do you want to get coffee?"
"Really?"
She nods, her lips pressed between her teeth, and we start walking side by side.
I take her to a little café around the block and we order two cappuccinos. We're sitting across from each other, stirring the light brown foamy liquid. I know she wants to talk but getting the first few words out are always the hardest.
"Natalie," I start the conversation. "You have to know I never meant to hurt you."
She inhales deeply, then looks at me. "It's a strange feeling. I don't think you meant to hurt me, but you did. You hurt me more than anyone ever could. I want to come back from that, but I don't know how I can."
My jaw trembles and I bite down on my lip. "I know. And for that, I'm so sorry. It's the last thing I wanted."
She takes a sip then places her cup down. Natalie looks me directly in the eyes. I hold my breath.
"Why? Why did you do it?" The anguish in her voice crushes my heart. "Please, give it to me real and don't bullshit me."
I shake my head. "I never bullshitted you, Nat, I didn't. I was telling you the truth when I said we were paired for a job through Sanctuary Cove. I didn't know James was your dad until I met him at the charity function."
"So the guy from the club you were falling for, the one you liked too much, it really was about my dad?"
I nod and she scowls, so I quickly continue, hoping it defuses her temper, "But I didn't know it was him at first, I swear. He'd been a member of the club for a while."
"But you didn't actually sleep with him when you were on the job. You slept with him afterward, after you knew he was my dad."
I nod and try to speak, but she puts a hand up to stop me.
"What was the turning point? What made you go through with it and keep seeing him? Didn't you ever think about how much this would hurt me?" She's not angry. She's genuinely upset and wants to know the truth. Her jaw is trembling and that causes more tears to fill my eyes. "You have to know I'd never do that to you."
I flinch. The worst part is, I do know she'd never do that. But then again, I didn't think I would either.
"
Just fucking say it, Aub, Tell me the damn truth. I deserve to know."
So I tell her.
"You knew I connected with a client. You knew how he made me feel. He tried to see me over and over until he outwitted me."
I tell her about the night with Reece, how James tricked me, how he said he was already falling for me. She's as pale as a ghost and looks like she's going to vomit.
"I went to Christine that same night. Just because I ended it doesn't mean I ever stopped thinking about him, just like you never stopped thinking about that other guy either. Did I ever think I'd see him again? Absolutely not. So imagine my shock when I meet him standing next to you. Why do you think I left?"
"You were going to see Daniel."
"I never made it there. I went home, but James followed me."
Her jaw drops in disbelief. Eyes wide, she says, "He was there with you while I was at the event with my mom?"
I nod.
"Un-fucking-real."
"I told him to leave, to go back, but he pushed…and I missed him." A tear slips out and I quickly wipe it away. "He thought it was some weird way of fate working out."
