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I walk out into the courtyard at work. It’s now 10:50 a.m., and I know Nathan should be in between appointments. I dial his number.
“Hello,” he answers.
“Hi.” I can’t even hear his voice without tearing up. I’m an emotional fucking wreck here. “I just, um…” My voice trails off.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” I don’t even want to tell him, but I know I have to. “My period arrived.”
He doesn’t say anything, and I frown as I wait for his answer.
“Did you hear me?” I whisper.
Silence.
“Nathan?”
“Okay, thanks for letting me know,” he says, devoid of emotion.
I frown, what does that mean? Is he happy, sad?
“I’ve got to go,” he says.
“Okay.”
He hangs on the line, and I close my eyes. I can’t take this. I can’t stand losing my best friend. It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion. Nobody should have to bear this pain.
“I finish early today. I’ll pick you up from work,” he says.
I smile, hopeful that this is an olive branch. “Yes, alright.”
I go back to work, and my brain starts to tick over and over the last few da
ys.
Robert. His coldness.
No baby.
If I just had my old apartment, I could give us both some breathing space—give Nathan some time to think. Give myself some time to try and regain some confidence. I don’t know who I am anymore, but I’ve never felt so insecure and weak. This isn’t who I am. This is unlike anything I’ve ever faced—unlike anything most women will ever face.
I don’t know how to compete with his past.
I can’t.
A woman can’t compete against a man. Not if it’s a man he truly wants.
No amount of love can change that, and there is so much love between us.
I exhale heavily, knowing we moved in too quick.
But then, neither of us could ever have imagined that this would happen.
That Robert would come back and open old wounds. Damn that fucking asshole for ruining everything.
At least now with no pregnancy, I have options, and so does he. Nathan isn’t tied to me.
