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His words, not mine. I was never tied to Nathan. I was there by choice.
I begin to wrack my brain for a solution—one where we can try and salvage the damage that has been done this week. I’m not even sure where the damage has come from, because Nathan is saying that he wants me… but he’s not acting like it.
He’s acting like a man who is confused. A man who needs time to work out what he wants in life. And I know that Nathan, and I said in the beginning that our friendship is the most important thing, but the goalposts have been moved again, and we both know that it’s all or nothing now.
We couldn’t be friends; not with feeling the way that we do about each other.
And I would rather die than have to be witness to his life with Robert.
* * *
I’m waiting on the sidewalk when Nathan’s Tesla pulls into the curb.
“Hi.” I smile as I get into the car.
“Hello.”
We pull out into the traffic, and it’s there again.
This awkwardness between us. I have this overwhelming feeling that like I’m forcing him to stay against his will. I was hopeful, now that the pregnancy thing was over, that things would return to normal…. Guess not.
I turn the radio on, and we drive for a while, not speaking. A song by Evanescence comes on. My Immortal. I’ve never really listened to the words before, but it fits our situation perfectly.
We both stare out of the windscreen as the sad words sing out. It’s like it’s talking directly to my soul.
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave.
That’s exactly what I feel is happening to us.
I watch Nathan as he drives, void of emotion, a shell of the man that I love, and I know what I need to do.
I’m not going to let us hate each other.
I’m going to give him the space that he needs. Soon, I will know if he loves me or not.
Either way, I need answers.
* * *
It’s 8:00 p.m., and we’re sitting on the couch in silence. We had take-out, and I feel sick to my stomach.
I frown as I try to work out how to broach the subject. “So, um… you know how I told you I wasn’t liking my new job?”
His eyes come to me. “Yes.”
“I’ve thought of a solution that might… help us both.”
“What’s that?”
“I applied for a job at the private hospital and I got the email today that said I was successful.”
He nods as he listens. “Okay.”
My eyes search his. “The job’s in New York.”
“What?” He sits up abruptly. “What do you mean, it’s in New York?”
“It’s only four days a week. And it would give us some time, you know.”
