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“You won’t buy them yourself, and you can’t rely on the guy,” Amy says quietly. “You’re welcome.”
Krisjen laughs and pulls another one out of Amy’s pocket.
“You are not sleeping with that dickhead again,” I whisper, scolding her.
“You’re right,” she teases. “I’m not.”
“Then who do you need one for?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Yeah, right. Please don’t let it be Trace Jaeger. They looked pretty hot and heavy at the lighthouse, and the last thing I need is to run into her as I come out of Liv’s bedroom one morning.
But before I can worry about Krisjen, Amy starts instructing me. “You should just get it over with, Clay,” she tells me. “The first time will suck, but it gets better, and then it gets really good.” She checks for anyone listening. “The secret is priming yourself. Blow him while you finger yourself, and by the time he’s hard, you’ll be wet…”
Ew, what?
“Ugh, stop it,” I tell her.
Way too much information. I think I actually almost gag.
“You’re such a prude, Clay.” She snickers at me. “When you get good, it gets amazing, but you need to get good first. Just get it over with.”
Images of Liv coming on my desk last night drift through my head, and I smile to myself. I am good.
I slide the condom into the secret pocket inside the back of my leggings and start running. Liv completes her set and sits up, stretching her arms over her head.
She looked so beautiful last night. She looks so beautiful all the time. What would she look like in a gown? With her hair on point and her makeup done?
She sits alone, no friends around, without me next to her like I should be, and I’m getting sick of it. She shouldn’t have to be alone.
Megan approaches her, the new girl Chloe at her side, and they talk to Liv, and while Martelle pisses me off, I’m a little grateful. She introduces Liv to the new girl, and Liv smiles, very different from the curtness she had toward her when she caught us talking yesterday morning.
And the walls close in a little, watching them. Liv is going to realize she deserves more, and she’ll have no trouble getting it. Megan wants her, and I’m pretty sure Chloe isn’t straight either. Liv could pursue her. She’ll meet other women at college, too.
Part of me wonders if Amy is right. Just get it over with. Maybe I need to know for sure. Maybe I should just screw Callum, so I know for sure.
But I know I only want to do it in the hopes that I see something in him that will save me from having to take the step I’m so afraid to take. In hopes that I’m not in love with her, I don’t need to face anything, and I don’t need to suffer when it’s time to leave her.
I don’t want him to touch me. My skin crawls just thinking about it.
Liv looks over, meeting my eyes, and with a glance to my friends, she comes back to me and winks just covertly enough that only I notice.
I can’t hide my smile as a blush crosses my cheeks. I feel right again. The weight of Amy’s awful words and the rubber in my back pocket are suddenly forgotten.
“Liv’s leggings look just like the Michi ones you have,” I hear Krisjen say.
I blink. “Huh?
Liv walks to the stationary bike, and I notice the clothes I gave her to wear. I turn to Krisjen.
“But it can’t be,” she says as she runs. “There’s no way she has two-hundred dollars for yoga pants, right?”
And then she winks at me, just like Liv just did, with a smile.
Fuck!
• • •
My knee bobs as I wait for the bell to ring, my fingers hovering over the keys of my laptop.
Krisjen doesn’t know anything, right? And even if she did, she’s not a gossiper.
Well, she joins in when we gossip, but she doesn’t perpetuate it. She wouldn’t say anything she wasn’t sure about, right?
The bell goes off, and I glance over at Krisjen as she gathers up her materials and packs up her bag. I couldn’t get her alone at lunch, and Spanish is the only class we have together, so I stuff my things into my satchel and push through the others to join her at her side.
“Look, don’t tell Amy that Jaeger and I are kind of friends,” I tell her as everyone filters out of the classroom. “I’m trying to grow up a little. She was late this morning. Forgot her gear. I let her borrow some clothes from my locker.”
Krisjen doesn’t look at me.
Sweat dampens my back. “Maybe I’m hoping she invites me over to where her hot brothers live,” I tease.
But Krisjen continues to exit the classroom and then stops outside the door, stepping right to let the other students out.
