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“We’re gonna go out to the flower fields, if it’s okay,” Jo said. “Cilla wants daisies.”
“We making a hat and a necklace and a bracelet.” She touched each place the corresponding daisy chain would go as she said them.
“Okay. Well, Cilla, Jo’s the boss, so do what she says.”
“That’s right,” Jo said. “Make chicken sounds.”
Priscilla giggled and said bok-bok-bok.
“Good, now touch your tongue to your nose.”
She tried so hard, her eyes crossed and face screwed up.
“This is gonna be fun.” Jo waggled her brows at us. “Have fun making the candles. I’ll close this for you.”
“You don’t have to—”
The door was already closed. We heard Bye Mommy and Daddyyy before they were gone.
“She’s something else,” he said.
“Jo? It’s true. Dottie had her work cut out for her.” I glanced at him and joked, “Oh, you mean Cilla. I don’t know what that something else is, but she’s definitely it.”
“No, Pres. She’s incredible. You did that. You made her what she is, and I can’t imagine how you did it. But she’s all you. You did good.”
My cheeks were warm, as was my smile. I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Thank you.”
“It’s me who should be thanking you. I’ve imagined what it’d be like to have a kid many, many times, but all those old ideas are gone. Now I can’t imagine any child of mine as anyone but her.”
“Come back when she’s skipped her nap and tell me if you’re still sure about that,” I joked—it’d gotten too real.
“Pretty sure that won’t change my mind.”
“That’s because you haven’t seen that spirit you admire used for evil.”
A chuckle. “I know nothing’s perfect, and I’m not afraid of hard things.”
“No, you never were.” I admired him for a moment. “You’re a natural at this.”
“I had a lot of practice in Zambia. The village was packed with kids—as soon as they could walk, they’d follow the bigger kids over to my hut. Mostly to ask me to give them my bike.” When I looked concerned, he added, “A running joke. But those kids were … well, they were one of the best things about the trip. They wanted to know everything, anything. Devoured the terrible English lessons I gave and ate every bit of candy my mom sent. There was always a question to be answered, always more to know. I drew diagrams in the dirt showing them how the water reclaiming systems I was adding to their houses worked, how to keep the fish plots irrigated, that sort of thing. And they taught me more than I could ever list. Most importantly, which spiders would kill me.”
A shudder wiggled through me.
He laughed a little. “That’s nothing compared to the freak illnesses. It took me months to adjust to the food and water—even filtered, it was rough. But when you get a rash and a fever, the first thought is always This is it. This is how it ends.”
“What was it? The rash?”
“A reaction to the malaria prophylaxis. Super rare. I was convinced I had malaria, not a reaction from the medicine designed to keep me safe from it. Made for an interesting week.”
“I can’t believe you’re joking about that,” I said on a chuckle.
He shrugged, sobering a little. “It’s the only way to get through it. You can’t see that much pain and poverty without armor. And somehow, they found joy every day. Those kids were always smiling. The villagers welcomed me into their homes and shared what little food they had. If America turned into that world, it’d be worse than The Walking Dead.”
“It must have been hard to come home.”
“It gutted me. To see so much excess, so much wealth and health and stuff. I tried to hang on to that feeling, to remember that divide, but it got harder and harder as the months passed. It’s why I won’t get a smart phone. It’s one of my last hold outs.” He was quiet for a moment. “Being there solidified my belief that I didn’t want to bring kids into this world. But now … well, now I can say with absolute certainty that I was wrong. Because now I can teach her how to care, how to give, how to love. I can’t imagine a more valuable contribution to the world than that. And I can’t think of another person on the face of the earth I’d want to raise her with.”
I covered the ache in my chest with a smile, saying flippantly, “If you hadn’t spent so much time on the other side of the world, I’d say you needed to get out more if it’s me you want to do this with.”
“Don’t do that,” he said softly, turning me to face him. The earnest expression on his face disarmed me. “Don’t joke, not about this. I mean what I say.”
