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He seems concerned, and the dark circles under his eyes show his distress and lack of sleep. I’m guessing his protective instincts keep him up at night, worrying about us.
“Logan, I thought maybe you should temporarily move in with us. You don’t seem like you’re getting any sleep, and I know that you are troubled about our safety. Why don’t you move into the spare room?”
No matter how many times I have tried to convince myself otherwise, I want him to be close. Regardless of my fears, he makes me feel safe.
“Are you sure?” I nod, and he looks relieved. “Honestly, I am anxious all damn day and night about your safety and well-being. I will never forgive myself if anything happens to you,” he admits.
“I don’t want to be alone. I’m anxious about the twins’ safety too. I hope you understand what you are getting yourself into, though. Babies are tiny crying, eating, and sleeping human beings, who don’t care about your difficult day ahead. There will be no stop or pause switch. If you think you won’t be able to handle it, we could start looking for help.”
He shakes his raven-colored head, refusing to let any other people into our nest. “No, I want to be here and help you with everything myself,” he assures me.
“Then you should go pack your things. But Logan, this doesn’t mean we’re a couple, or that you are going to stay permanently.”
“I know, Cassandra. For now, it will be enough to be their full-time father and your friend.” He searches my expression for some acknowledgment from me.
“Logan? It would be better if you move on with your personal life and stop waiting for me. You waste too much time on the things that might never happen. There are so many beautiful, healthy women out there. Let yourself meet them. I’ll make your life miserable and incomplete,” I tell him honestly.
“I’m not going anywhere. It is, after all, my decision to make, not yours, Night.” He grins before jogging away, probably to pack, as I turn to go home.
Feeling a little more settled, I walk into the house. After the New Year, I tried to make our nest as ready as I could for our babies. I take off my blue coat and yellow scarf. I’m so preoccupied with my to-do list that I miss people sitting in the living room.
My heart skips a beat, and my breath freezes in my chest. Nooo!
My vision starts to blur and my heart vibrates; the echoes of helplessness and betrayal padlock my feet in place. My mouth becomes dry and I begin to feel sick and dizzy. No sound comes out—I am not able to scream for help.
I sway on my feet. Tingling in my legs makes them lighter and lighter as I begin to fall towards the ground. Somebody catches me, screaming, as overwhelming fear from the past breaks me with reverberating echoes of captivity.
I’m in the hospital—bound, helpless. People treat me like a prisoner. I have no rights, no voice, and no escape. Like a trapped animal, I try to scream for help, hoping that anyone from outside can save me.
The water flows between my legs, relieving me of the pressure, bringing pain in its stead. The sounds fade and the faces blur, making me feel disorientated.
Strong ha
nds lift my body, holding me tight, and a soothing kiss to my forehead makes me smile, even if I don’t know why. I know those arms, I know that touch. This man is a safe harbor. His essence protects us from the cruel world.
My numb fingers reach to cup his blurry, out of focus, face. He says something, but the sounds are mingling with the mix of whispers. I fight the darkness but my grip slips.
Several times, I open my eyes to see people rushing around. Grasping to hold onto something substantial, I find the darkness pulls me back into its warm embrace.
The perfect sounds of crying wake me up and instinct kicks in. I regain consciousness to find those beautiful voices. The lights shining in my eyes makes them water, annoying me. When my vision clears, I see two small bundles wrapped in blankets in the arms of the nurses. They place them on my naked chest.
“Hi,” I choke out, kissing their small heads, counting their fingers, and memorizing their angelic features. The connection, like warm syrup, floods my heart. My tired eyes pour out happy tears, welcoming my babies for the very first time. Logan comes closer with tears streaming down his cheeks and a smile of pure bliss.
“Are they ok?” Intense love and protective instincts are awakening, demanding the answer. Then I hear the doctor confirm that they all right and shortly after, they take them away, telling us the babies must be examined by the specialists.
Logan turns towards me and cups my face, bringing his forehead to mine. “We are parents now, Cassandra. Thank you for making me a father.”
His elation can’t be contained, and a small laugh slips past my lips. I can’t speak anymore as emotions grip my throat and threaten to burst from my chest. Tired and drowsy, I fall asleep.
I wake up in the room, and my eyes catch the sight of the window that overlooks the city. There are flowers and balloons scattered around. Logan has pulled a chair beside the bed, and is sound asleep. I touch my midriff that is flatter and softer now. It contracts in pain, and I let out a soft hiss.
“Hey, how are you, Angel?” Logan’s concerned face meets my gaze. I look around for the twins. As if reading my mind, he says, “They will be brought in here soon. The doctors told us that babies are fully developed and healthy. They are probably starving.”
He gently smiles at me with a hopeful expression. The doctor shows up to check my wound, as they had to perform a C-section. Just as they finish fussing with me, two little beds are pushed in our private room.
Logan picks up the girl, and the nurse brings me the boy, leaving the midwife to show me the right position to breastfeed. My boy doesn’t waste his chance at a good meal and latches on with vigor, making me wince and laugh at the same time at his eagerness.
There is something so magical about holding the baby that is pressed against your breast with the instinct to eat. My eyes fill with tears of joy and love as I keep him safely in my arms. Then I look up to see Logan talking with his baby daughter, who clearly watches him with dark eyes and twitching lips, as if she’s smiling.
