AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Hey buddy, don’t cry, take Mummy’s booby. I need you to get growing fast! Be a good boy and drink, because I want to play football with you in the park, ok?” Ethan starts smiling at him as his lips close around Sandra’s nipple. Appeased, he suckles.
The memory carries me to another time at the same park, a year later.
The little boy takes the ball from his big brother and starts to run away with it. Nate pretends to be chasing him. Ethan is giggling so hard as he falls to the ground, and the ball slips from his tiny chubby hands, making him upset. Nate leans over and picks him up, then carries Ethan towards the ball and lets him grab it.
The beautiful sounds of their laughter and delight warms my heart as my two boys bond over the ball game they both one day plan to be able to play together. The little one looks up to his funny brother, his best buddy who makes him feel special.
Those sweet memories try to find their way in. I feel my tears wash down my face in hot rivulets. The painful grip is tearing my heart from my chest and a loud cry escapes my mouth as I realize how much I miss them. It reminds me of the never-ceasing love I felt.
Suddenly, Logan’s arms wrap around me as my wails echo around us, but I can’t seem to stop them or bind them as I used to. Love merely gets too strong to be contained. It finds a way out.
“Hey, look at me. Talk to me, Cassandra. Tell me what you remember.”
My heart’s battling to feel the love, even if it causes unbearable pain.
“I can’t,” I choke out. The powerful grip of Sandra’s past is still full of fear, burning the air and the light.
His wild green emeralds try to convince me to trust him. “You are drowning in your silence, Cassandra. You allow those shadows to rule your mind. They haunt you. Make them real. Share what you cherish so much that you’re ready to let it eat your life away. Show me the children you choose over our twins.”
“You think I don’t want normal life, Logan? You think that I don’t want peace? I love our babies so damn much, but I can’t make that choice!” I yell. “I don’t want to forget or replace them with other babies.” I turn around to see his penetrating gaze holding back emotions.
“You need to share those memories with someone. Talk to me, Cassandra. Please.”
“They are mine!” I tremble.
“Are you afraid that I’ll steal them? Are you afraid that they’ll no longer cause you pain? What motivates you to keep them locked away? If you are not going to let it go, then you won’t heal.”
“I don’t want to heal!” I cover a scream with my palm, realizing, a moment too late, what I just confessed. “How can a mother heal this emptiness in her soul?” I draw my knees in, as if protect everything I hold dear. “I miss them so damn much.” My eyes search the lake for something to hold onto.
“You are simply afraid to forget them, so you hold on to the pain instead.” He presses his forehead to mine, expelling a heavy breath. “I wish that you would trust me to hear their story and show me the mother who lost them. I’m waiting for you to let me in, Night. I’m waiting for you to let me be there for you. Allow me to get to know you, don’t hide from me.”
His lips remain against my temple until I’m ready to stand. We walk up to our sleeping kids and take them back to the house. “Logan, I wish that I could tell you about them.”
“One day, you will have to make the conscious decision to open up and choose the person to listen to your heart. I wish to be that person.”
Logan’s gaze slays me. Those incredible eyes sparkle with emotions, encouraging me to give him everything.
Chapter 19
Hurricane
~Cassandra~
“One day, you will have to make the conscious decision to open up and choose the person to listen to your heart.” Logan’s words echo through every cell, trying to break my balance. I feel vulnerable and exposed.
My perfect façade can be torn apart, burned to dust with just one wrong move. The turbulent emotions robbed me of all strength, leaving me numb. I’ll hold my disguise a
s long as I can. Leif is visiting and there’s still lingering tension between us, compelling me to feel on edge.
“Good morning. How was the walk to the lake?”
“Hmm?” I’m so out of focus I don’t hear Leif trying to talk to me.
Restless misery drags me down, I’m so anxious. Leif is a complication that will be challenging to handle. I feel anxious, unwilling to face a new day with the turmoil ahead. The twins need me more than anyone in this world, which gives me strength to fight through the gloominess of my moods.
But Leif is not ready to give me any break or benefit of the doubt. He will be the one voicing the problems the way he sees them. I just need to be ready to face the truth.
“Hey, can you hear me?” Logan’s brother startles me.
