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Chapter 1
A Waterfall of grief
~Cassandra~
I stand on the soft, yet coarse moss with bare feet. My toes wiggle, trying to untangle from the green threads. A chilly gust of air tries to knock me down, urging me to walk somewhere. A shiver runs down my spine.
The air is saturated with the promise of danger, and I’m afraid to make a sound. My head snaps towards the flock of birds flying above my head. The black cloud of crows arrests my heart, and I hold my chest, stalling my breath.
Nature freezes too. Waiting.
The whooshing sound propels me to find it. It’s a waterfall. In the pool, where the water gathers, is some sort of substance. The inky lines travel to the center like slithering snakes. The water breaks into many shades of blue and creates an abstract puzzle.
The surface blurs the hidden image before I can grasp what it is. As I look around, I find the highest point and climb up to have a peek. Complete silence. Not even a breath. The shivers explode on my skin, but I continue to climb.
I turn and then I see.
Down below, the inky center is as if devoured by the snakes. Mesmerized, I study the picture from above, trying to understand what I am seeing.
Only a moment later, I recognize what it is, and I gasp.
It is an eye.
The whooshing sounds from the waterfall are a trail of grief. Underneath the glass of water are concealed painful secrets, and the desolation is reflected in their depth.
Echo of laughs and giggles reach me. I look around, but nothing is there.
But then, some sort of image begins to form in the water. I look up, and in the skies, two children are playing with toy cars. They are stuck upside down. The younger boy raises a blue car as an older boy directs a truck to collide.
The sound of a thousand screeching tires echoes, and then something big crashes into them.
“Noooo!” I scream.
My scream of terror shatters the vision. The big, sharp chunks fall down into the water. I spring from my position, trying to survive the blades. The debris is slicing me everywhere. Underwater, I see a little hand, torn, with the blue car trapped in it.
“Please!!!” The older boy begs for my help. Before I can reach him, I start to sink as the water, like quicksand, sucks me in.
“Noooooo!” I wake up screaming. My top is saturated with salty tears, and I panic. Rock-solid arms grab me and carry me away from the nightmare.
Moments later, what feels like rain begins to pelt my skin. I shake, sobbing uncontrollably. Logan's voice brings me back, and I curl into his comforting embrace, relieved. He’s my safe harbor. His heartbeat is my anchor, and I count the thumps. Slowly, I rebuild my walls, keeping my sanity in check.
“Look at me, Cassandra.” He raises my chin to meet his gaze. I am afraid for him to see me, so I fight. “Let me see you.”
At his plea, I snap my eyes open, holding back the terror.
His sharp green eyes are looking into my vulnerable ones, ensnaring me, and I watch them change. The warmth reflected in them immerses me in safety.
“You are safe, you don’t need to hide anymore.” His throaty voice soothes me as he removes me from the shower. He gently dries and dresses me, before pulling me into his lap. Cocooned, safe and warm in his embrace, I press my face into him. Together, we watch the beautiful nature surrounding our home through the window.
Chapter 2
Tipping Point
~Cassandra~
The disturbing dream still clings to me, as helpless tears stream down my cheeks. With the thoughts running like a fast track train, I look up at the tree standing near the clinic entrance.
Someone comes up behind me, and I jump, startled.
“Leif!” I hit him with my handbag so he won’t do it again. “You scared me! What are you doing here so early?” I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand.
“Thought I would find you before you go in there.” He looks at me, rubbing where I hit him, then waits for me to explain why I texted him yesterday.
“Well, I don’t have enough time to speak to you right now.”
“I can wait. I have my phone and this new game app I want to check out.” He shrugs nonchalantly and smiles, but he sees more than I want him to.
“All right, but don’t blame me if it gets too boring.” I open the door and head inside.
“What happened, Cassandra?” Laisa asks me as soon as I sit down.
I look at her calm façade and decide it’s time for someone to know the truth. “These past two days have been very stressful. I had a few episodes I want to talk about. Laisa, I feel terrified of what they might mean.”
“Start from the beginning,” she encourages.
“Yesterday, I walked into the busy street. I saw my dead children playing on the road. Fortunately, I was only hit on the leg. Our kids were there with Logan, but he left them with a stranger to get to me.”
The anguish pours from my chest as I tell her everything. “Am I too dangerous to be left alone with my kids? Every time I think I figure this out, the turns and twists tear my sanity apart.”
She stays silent, waiting for me to continue. I swallow my dread and ask her what I need to know the most.
“What are your observations about my condition? Do you think that I’m safe to be around?” How crazy have I become? Chasing ghosts of my past, tearing my home apart. I make the household nervous and misbalanced. “I’ve been in a depressive mood, anxious and hypersensitive about my children’s safety. Laisa, this isn’t normal, is it?”
“We’ve ma
de great progress, Cassandra, don’t you doubt yourself.”
“I feel like I’m missing something. I am lost, more than I was before. Perhaps I need to take the rest of the journey on my own.”
“Space is not a bad thing, but your tendency to lock everyone out might cause you setbacks. You must have support.”
As I leave the clinic, I realize Laisa never explained to me what she thought about my mental state, and it bothers me. I was too engrossed in telling her about yesterday.
Later, Leif and I go for a walk, and he gets us coffees and blueberry muffins. Counting on his brotherly concern to help me set the plan in motion, I finally find the courage to ask for help.
“Leif?
“Hmm?”
