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“Something happened yesterday, I …” I swallow few times, breathing through the dread in my chest. “I saw my dead children. I didn’t even realize that they might not be real, and I jumped into the street to get to them.” I look at him as my hands shake in distress, wanting him to understand the gravity of this situation. “Fortunately, Logan was with the twins. He had to leave them with a stranger, trying to get to me.”
Pressure gathers under my eyes, and I want to let out all my fears in a torrent of screams. The nightmare of the previous night makes me more anxious about the signs I don’t understand.
“What do you want me to do?” Leif carefully asks, not giving away much.
“I need you to help me convince him to move to America and take the kids with him.” The shock on his face makes me nervous. “You told me when we met that you believe I’m not the best person for him. I am emotionally unavailable and unstable. And you are right, Leif. If they move to the States, I will have complete focus on my issues and healing. Help me. Please.”
Leif rubs his face, thinking about my request, and then he locks his dark gaze on me.
“You’re asking me to get in between you two again? Don’t you remember what happened last time? He will never have it, Kitten. I almost lost him because I dared to question your living arrangements. He cares about you.”
“You want to tell me you don’t see my point? I don’t believe you, Leif. You saw me, you know how bad it can get.” I tremble, afraid of what else I’m capable of. “I failed my boys … I can’t fail these two as well. Please, help me. I must do the heavy lifting, get my life together. Logan should do what’s best for Liane and Leon.”
“What will happen to you after we leave? Will you be able to live with yourself, Cassandra? You love them so damn much, it will kill you to give them away.”
I have to find myself in that storm and build back the person who will be capable living a wholesome life.
“I can’t drag them into this mess. Love is not only holding onto people with your hands, like shackles, but knowing that you love them enough to set them free. It hurts to sacrifice this time with them, but it must be done.” The fear of abandoning my kids makes me want to die. “I don’t want to break them with overwhelming experiences and unresolved issues bleeding into our lives, leaving destruction behind.”
Leif embraces me and allows me to cry into his chest. “What do you want me to do? Logan won’t listen to me, you should lay the groundwork first.” A strange feeling of friendship and gratitude envelops me, giving me hope.
Inhaling Leif’s scent, I struggle to speak and tell him I’ve done it already. It is now the matter of appealing to Logan’s paternal senses.
“My brother won’t go down without a fight, you know that, right?”
“Yeah, I know.”
Since our night together, I feel Logan on my skin and taste him in my mouth. He’s wedged his essence into me and broken into my soul. Then he melted me into something vibrant, and I long to keep this energy. When I’m with him, I am stronger, alive … simply more. But his strong instinct to protect might ruin our family.
I need to establish strength and skills to be able to face the world head-on. When Leif’s hand lands on my leg, I jump, and he grins. I punch his arm, and he rubs the spot.
“Be careful, Cassandra. I won’t hesitate to get you back.” He warns me, grinning.
“Bring it on, buddy! I still have your whips to break in.” I hear him chuckle as he jumps out of the car, and I smile. Leif’s intention to pull me back from my dark thoughts worked.
We both walk in the house to find all the gang gathered in the kitchen. I pick up Liane as her little hands already stretch towards me. Pressing my little girl to me, I breathe her in as my heart fills with happiness. I stroke her hair, then kiss both eyelids while she grabs my hair with her tiny fist and tugs with unexpected strength.
Little Leon grows very unhappy, so I pick him up, the frown deepening. Leon begins to look for milk, his tongue playing peekaboo.
“He was restless, looking for your breast. Liane was more patient. We fed them, but they’ve been looking for you all this time.” Logan embraces my shoulders, kissing my temple as I walk to the corner sofa to get comfortable. I raise my top for Leon to find the treasure.
Logan stands up, angling his body to cover me up, to not let anyone see me. My sisters don’t give a damn. “Don’t let that booby out of your mouth, boy.” Leon smiles, his eyes sparkling, as he resumes eating. I look down at him, taking in every part of him, creating a picture in my mind.
“Are you finished, Leon?” Logan asks, a short while later. “Sister needs your momma too. Want to come to your daddy?” Leon starts to babble and kicks his legs, making his dad laugh.
“Never gets old. How have you been?” Aisha studies my face, her tone inquiring, so I tell her to wait until we get a moment of privacy. But Raine is not relenting.
“Have you had any other episodes like yesterday?” Her voice is so quiet, I almost don’t notice her speaking.
“No, but I had nightmares. I went to therapy today.” I stop, not knowing how to tell her what I intend to do.
“What are you going to do, Sandra?” She looks at me, purposely calling me by my old name.
“I admit my mental health is too unpredictable. Maybe it’s time to make a decision that will change the situation for the better.” I lock my gaze with hers, trying to let her know I have a plan. Although she wants to say something more, we’re interrupted by Rider.
Our time is coming to an end. The life ahead of us will be very different from this one. Logan’s possessive behavior worries me about our impending conversation.
The truth is, I have strong feelings for him. The connection still blazes under my skin, urging my heart to join his. I can’t fail them by giving into this urge that makes me weak.
