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f in with his spare key a moment later. He walks in to find us huddled together.
“What a view to come home to! My girl and boy missed their grandpa.” We all look at the twins bouncing in Raine and Lucas’ arms, as they lift their small hands to be picked up by their grandpa.
“Did you tell her about the change of plan?” Darren asks his son, while cooing to Liane and Leon.
“Tell me what?” Since everyone seems to know something I don’t, I’m intent on pushing for details.
Logan exhales and gathers himself. “Let’s go for walk?”
We head out to the lake, which is usually lit up with decorative lights. Today, it looks magical, like some sort of dreamlike hideaway.
Recently, the boys brought wooden stained stools and curved tables to sit at, and a few decorative pots are scattered around. The water reflects the scenery of the trees, creating beautiful art on the glassy surface.
“Do you want to tell me what your family has been hinting at today?” I sit comfortably, yoga style, and wring my hands to try and stop the train wreck in my mind. But Logan sees through it.
“I am rethinking our move to the States.” He stops, apparently giving me time to digest the news.
“What do you mean?” Dreading the answer, I wait for him to explain, but he says nothing. I set my jaw and glare at him. “Care to elaborate, Logan?”
“Keep calm, all right? I don’t think that moving to America is the best course for our family. The long separation is not good for any of us.”
“It’s just for a year, Logan, until I learn to deal with the PTSD.” I try to breathe through the pressure gathering under my eyes and nose. But the man in front of me is not giving up. He squeezes my hands and pulls me closer.
“I agreed that we could try moving away for two to three months, but not longer.”
Distressed, I start to shake. Logan is changing the rules. I watch his jaw work hard as he tries to find the right words to convince me.
“I don’t think that it is necessary to move to the States to give you what you ask for. We could move away to a different area of the city, but the ocean is too extreme. You could come and visit us.” He searches my gaze, trying to make me understand, but I still have reservations.
“What about your life in the States, the family you left behind?” Curious, I watch as a slow smile breaks across his handsome, roguish face.
Before I can ask, he clears up the confusion. “Actually, my father was the one to suggest this solution. Dad will be ok. Staying here is more important than going back.” His gaze travels over me, then caresses my face and lips with the intention to taste.
“Don’t you dare try to distract me,” I warn him lightheartedly, as I wait for his explanation and hope for the things I am afraid to ask for.
“My life is here with you.” He smiles impishly, waiting for the fight to come. Logan wraps his arms around my waist as he leans into me, challenging me. Unable to help myself, I lick my lips, watching him expel a breath. He’s just as affected by our proximity.
“Trust me with our family’s well-being.” He kisses the tip of my nose and then the corners of my lips as he continues, “You heard me, I said our family, us. I want us to be able to celebrate every occasion together and have a chance to go for a walk in the park, take pictures. I want to know if you’re not well and need me to hold you.”
Tears are leaking from my eyes as I listen to him, craving this life with him more than I care to admit. “Sometimes I wonder if you consider me as your anything, Cassandra. Doesn’t it cross your mind that I love you?”
“Do you remember our conversation at the hotel? You said that you can’t give me the things I want. You didn’t want commitment, and I needed to hold on to the last thread of my modesty and pride. At first, I thought you came out of obligation.”
“Do you still believe that I have no feelings for you? I love you, Angel. I will never hurt you.”
I shrug, afraid to accept his confession. “Does it matter? I will ruin you, break what you hold dear.” The past visions echo my fears as I hold back a whimper.
“Why do you fear that you will hurt me?” A soft glow ensnares me as it takes me back to the man I once loved, and Logan seems to know. “Cassandra, tell me about him.”
Avoiding his penetrating gaze, I look towards the water that exhibits the gloomy skies above. “Sam was an excellent husband, father, and friend. After we lost our kids, I couldn’t be with him anymore. Sleeping in the same bed was too much to bear. I hated myself for living, and that hate transferred to our relationship.”
“In the middle of an argument one night, I realized he was on his knees, begging me to forgive him. The shock I felt was a significant indicator of who I had turned into. The rage I felt made me incapable of being sympathetic. Abusive behavior wasn’t in my plan. So, I asked him for a divorce, reasoning that we were both wounded and grieving, barely knowing who we were anymore. We needed to heal and reconcile.”
“Did he agree to the divorce?”
“Yes. I was relieved that Sam wasn’t fighting me on this. We decided not to tell anyone. I couldn’t help him, Logan. He was dealing with his own demons. It could have destroyed the good parts of our life, and we owed it to our children to preserve those memories.” Lost in my head, I take a trip down memory lane, to those times that we were young and hopeful to start this beautiful life of our own.
“You were blaming yourself, weren’t you? Do you believe that you don’t deserve to be loved, Angel?”
