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Goose bumps explode on my skin as I feel his unnerving gaze locked on me, waiting for my answer. A whimper escapes me. “I don’t deserve you. You should walk away and find someone who is a better person than me. I have this darkness in me that’s poisoning everything. I’m dreading that it will change you. You are the dream, the enchanting fantasy of a different life, meant for a soul who will be worthy of you.”
“Is that what you see when you look at me? A fantasy?” He takes my hand and puts it on his cheek. “Look at me.” He kisses my wrist and I give in. “You are all I see, all I need. You think I am a dream, so you are to me. I am waiting for you to wake up and see that there is nowhere for me to go, nowhere for me to be. So just love me, because I can’t live without you.”
“Then we are doomed, Logan, because I am drowning, and you are here for me to latch onto. You could have a less complicated relationship with someone else.” I cup his cheeks as I look into his green eyes, flooded with emotion.
I try one more time. “Let me set you free.”
He seizes my waist, fusing us together as his lips claim mine, our tears mixing together. We grab and clutch onto each other as though someone might separate us. Desperate whimpers leave me as his groans join our furious kiss. Our hands roam everywhere, and I wrap my legs around him, melding my front to his chest. He squeezes my butt, reminding that he has me.
His lips travel down my neck and as he reaches my ear, he whispers, “I won’t leave you, and I won’t give up on you. I will stand here in the middle of the storm and hold my ground. I will soothe all your scars with my lips and all your pain with love. I’ll give you all the space you need, but I will dare you to let me in, closer to the center of the hurricane.” He bites the sensitive spot on my shoulder, soothing it with his soft kisses.
Then and there, we sit and watch each other as the connection between us flows, lacing the threads around us. The feelings of contentment spread through my limbs and nourish my battered soul. The strong sense of love pulses within me. I stop being afraid.
“When are you moving out? Where?”
“Today. Dad found a property fifteen minutes from here. We’re going to lease it for a year. Help us pack. It would be good for you to find peace before you say goodbye to them.”
“Let’s go then.” I’m determined not to chicken out.
We disentangle from each other, and with a final look at the view, we head back home. The gang’s sitting on the porch, playing some sort of game with a bin and p
aper balls.
“So, what’s next?” Raine asks, as we come closer. Everyone pauses, waiting for the verdict.
“I plan to help them pack.” I pick up Liane as Logan gets Leon, and we silently leave with them. “Do we have any boxes?”
A worried Logan looks at me. “Yes, I’ve got them in the office. You sure you want to do it?”
I look at him as I kiss my little girl’s head. “Yes, I’m sure.”
We pack their clothes and toys and all the other necessary things. I decide that I want them to have few photos of us, so I go to my room to get them. On my nightstand are my favorite ones, so I wrap them in newspaper and pack them in the box.
“I think we are done here.” Logan looks around.
“Have you packed?” I ask him.
“Not yet. Are you going to be ok?”
I nod as my throat closes with emotion, and I turn to the twins as the first tears fall. I want to have a private moment with them before they leave.
I pick up my son and sit with him in the chair, trying to spend as much time left with him as possible. His sweet scent invades my nose and I laugh at his curious mood as he explores my necklace. Then my girl angrily lets me know she desires to be with me also. I place her on the carpet and both play together.
I take a book from the bookcase and start reading about lost little ducklings. Both are so mesmerized and have an open-mouthed expression. I make all the quacking sounds that makes Leon laugh and Liane babble.
Their cute innocent faces are so excited and happy that I don’t notice Logan standing in the doorway, watching us with a soft expression.
“I am ready.”
Hearing his silent confirmation, I place the book back on the shelf and gather my son. Since Liane is already in her dad’s hands, we all go downstairs where everyone is waiting for us.
“We’re going to give you few minutes to say your goodbyes,” Darren tells us, as he steers everyone else further into the kitchen to give us privacy. An unstoppable torrent of tears runs down my cheeks as I realize this is it. We won’t be seeing each other for three long months. I look at their cute little faces, unable to imagine being apart from them.
My chest shakes as loud sobs wrack my frame. Logan tries to calm me down, but something dark starts to build up inside of me, pushing against me. Leon begins to wail, affected by my distress.
“Hey, look at me. We are going to see you very soon. I’ll call and send you pictures, videos, even letters.” But the storm is swirling and gaining too much momentum.
“Cassandra, you need to breathe with me. Take a long and deep inhale, and then exhale. You are all right. The children are safe. You’re at home. Breathe, please.” His voice gets closer and I see his face. Someone brings my children into view as their little chubby hands try to touch my face. I let out relieved sob, finally allowing myself to take a big lungful.
