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“Good morning, early birds,” Helen greets us with a delighted smile while Darren happily observes us. Both of them are wearing light blue jeans and dark blue cashmere sweaters, and they look like a perfect couple.
“Aren’t you cold?” I ask, concerned they don’t know this weather we get brings a lot of colds and flu.
“We are all right, honey,” Darren finally speaks up, giving me a wink as he wraps his hands around his wife, giving her waist a squeeze. “A smart man always uses such opportunities as this to pull the frozen morsel under his wing.”
Well, apparently cheeky humor is a family trait. Shaking my head, amused at his logic, I watch Logan's eyebrows crease regarding my coat with a thoughtful expression. Oh no, you won’t!
“Good morning, lovebirds!” Leif comes out with his coffee pot, beyond happy as he locks his eyes with mine. I know that nothing good will come from this. I pass Leon to Darren, ready to tackle Leif’s innuendoes with the self-defense moves Lucas showed me. I take off my coat to give to Helen to warm her up as I inconspicuously move closer to the most annoying brother of them all.
First, I take his coffee, passing it to Helen.
“Sister, you have a voice of opera singer, I swear…” I kick his feet out from under him and applying few other moves, I sit on him. “Ouch, ouch … sister, get off of me, please. Ok, ok, I will not tell you how good a singing career you could have.” My mouth drops as I twist his arm. “Ouch! Fuck, fine! What the fuck did you teach her, Lucas?”
I lift my head finding Lucas and grin.
“Brother, help me, this woman abuses me. And since when is complimenting a female not flattering?” Wincing as I squeeze him with my thighs, I look at him in warning. “I apologize. I should have invested in earplugs before the hand.”
I exhale, irritated, because I probably won’t get a better apology from him anyway.
“You hurt my feelings, Leif, and my heart is wounded. Didn’t I save your ass from the predators just yesterday? I feed you and clean your room. I even care about your sex life and playtime!” I jab his ribs and tickle his armpits because this man is afraid of it so damn much. I discovered this tidbit from Lucas, who wanted to get back at him for stealing his clothes and pretending to be him on a date.
“Stop, please, stop it! Momma, get her off of me, please!” I laugh so hard I almost pee myself, as Lucas gives me few tips for next time.
“Are you kidding me? What is a fifth combination, because number two is damn damaging my ribs.” Leif pouts.
I turn to a breathless and red-cheeked Leif. “It will damage your nuts and teach you how to worship the ground I walk on! Lucas invented it because you assault me.”
He looks, horrified, at his Marine brother, trying to see if I am joking. Nope!
“Come here, my little boy. Momma gives amazing healing smooches.”
I fall on my ass, laughing at Leif’s mortified expression. Darren chokes as his lovely wife canoodles a chagrined Leif. Such a baby!
“Helen, Cassandra’s tough educational methods work better on Leif.”
I beam at their dad.
After Logan pulls me up, we all go inside to find my sisters playing cards, munching on the cookies I baked before the shopping trip.
“Good morning, what are you two up to?”
“We are practicing for the naked poker night Leif i
s organizing on Christmas.” I open my mouth and then close it.
“How good at poker are you, girls?”
My sisters turn around and, with innocent voices and trembling lips, tell Leif that they suck. I inwardly roll my eyes as they egg him on.
“I don’t want to be naked on Christmas!” Raine pretends to cry, giving him horrified eyes.
Aisha makes the situation even funnier. “Raine, you can grow your armpit and pubic hair long, so he would be too ashamed to peek at you. Men are afraid of the jungle these days. So, clever female society decided that the bare skin might provide them with more courage to engage. Modern man is discouraged if a woman has more testosterone than him.
“For instance, I am throwing away my razor, and no more waxing appointments until next year.” Aisha looks at Leif, giving him her non-comical expression, and resumes studying the cards.
I turn to Leif and ask him, “You didn’t invite your parents to the festive games, did you?”
An appalled man looks at me. As I turn around, he stops me, covering my mouth before I have a chance to extend the invitation.
