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And if that happened? If he did want more? What then? Was she absolutely sure he would never leave her or was there still the possibility that one day he could walk away and leave her worse than dead, because without Rafe there would be nothing in the world to interest her, nothing to bring her happiness and joy. And he had never said he loved her. In the last weeks he had never once said that, and how could she give herself without knowing her love was returned?
She was going round in circles. She made a sound of deep irritation in her throat. Why couldn’t she just take each day as it came and forget the self-analysis once she was alone?
Because she loved him too much.
She shook her head at herself. And soon she would face a goodbye of sorts because he would be returning to America for a while. Crystal had confided that Andrew was becoming increasingly concerned at how long Rafe had been away from their business, although Andrew had not mentioned this to her and neither had Rafe. Not that she saw so much of Andrew these days since Rafe had been in England. Crystal had taken over the therapy sessions after she’d told the older woman what to do and it had proved a great success. Crystal and Andrew seemed to be getting on like a house on fire whenever she visited the cottage, and Andrew was looking the best he had in years, according to Rafe. Andrew and Crystal were going to miss each other when Crystal resumed her place at Seacrest.
Oh, why was life so complicated these days? And why, why had she badgered Crystal to find out from Andrew what Rafe’s wife had looked like? It had been from that point her insecurities had grown. Generously curved and voluptuous she definitely was not, and apparently that was the type of woman Rafe always favoured. She would have done well to heed the old adage that curiosity killed the cat or, in this case, her peace of mind.
Sleep. Marianne nodded to the thought. She needed to turn off her mind and get some sleep or else she would be fit for nothing in the morning. All the agonising in the world wouldn’t change the way Rafe saw them as a couple. In the final analysis, it was up to him.
When the insistent ring of her mobile phone brought her groaning from sleep, Marianne felt as though she had only been in bed for two or three hours. Then she realised there was a good reason for that; it was only four o’clock in the morning.
Dozily she reached for the phone, which she always placed on her bedside cabinet each night since she had been sleeping alone in the house, clicking on the overhead spotlight from the switch at the side of the headboard as she mumbled, ‘Yes?’
‘Marianne, it’s Rafe. I’m sorry to ring you at such an hour but I need to get back to the States immediately. There’s been a fire in one of the hotels and people are hurt. I’m in the car outside your house on my way to the airport but I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye in person. Could you come down and let me in for a minute?’
‘Yes, of course.’ She was already out of bed and pulling on her robe, not bothering with slippers as she opened the bedroom door and flew downstairs.
When she flung open the front door he was standing in front of her, and her exhilaration that he hadn’t wanted to go without saying goodbye was dampened by the expression on his face. Before she could say a word, he said, ‘It’s bad, apparently. The hotel’s gutted and a family in one of the top-floor rooms got trapped. The firefighters got them out even
tually but the father is in a bad way and the two kids. I don’t know if it was the fire or the smoke.’
‘Oh, Rafe.’ Horrified, she held out her arms and he stepped forward into them. They clung together for a moment before he kissed her, a hungry kiss that sought comfort.
‘I feel I should have been there,’ he said wretchedly. ‘The annual review of that property was one due in the last month that Andy undertook. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good guy and he won’t have missed anything but I always do them. Dad and I always made health and safety our top priority.’
‘You can’t be everywhere doing everything.’
‘I know, I know. I’m not thinking straight.’ He pulled her into him again, kissing her hard so the warm scent of his body surrounded her. They swayed together for a moment, neither of them able to deny their mutual need, and then his arms tightened until she was lifted onto her toes, clinging to his broad shoulders, her head thrown back as he kissed her mouth, her neck, her throat.
‘I have to go.’ His voice was hoarse. ‘I don’t want to but I have to go. I’ll miss my flight.’
‘Yes, yes.’
But still they didn’t let go of each other, kissing with a starving intensity as though they were parting for good. As always it was Rafe who gained control first, gently putting her from him but still supporting her trembling body as he said, ‘I’ll ring you and let you know how things are, OK? But it might be hectic…’
‘No, that’s OK, I understand. Just ring when you can. I hope the children are all right, the father, too.’
There was a blue flame in the piercing eyes as he gazed down at her. ‘We have to talk. You know that, don’t you? We can’t go on as we are.’
She nodded. ‘But for now you have to go or you’ll miss your flight. Promise me you’ll drive carefully. This is the wrong side of the road for you, don’t forget.’
‘I’ll be fine.’ He stepped back and into the night after one last kiss. ‘Go back to sleep.’
She watched him slide into the car and remained standing in the doorway as it purred out of the drive, his arm waving out of the window. She remained standing there until the night air made her shiver and then she slowly shut the door, climbing the stairs to bed, where she lay wide-eyed until it was time to get up.
Rafe phoned her from the plane but it was a quick call and she could tell his mind was already in America. Knowing the sort of man he was, she had expected nothing less. She had walked down to see Andrew and Crystal once she had let the builders in and work was underway, and she could tell Rafe’s father was anxious, both about the plight of the family who had been hurt and the repercussions it might have for the business.
It was a full twenty-four hours before Rafe called again and he had been on her mind constantly, awake and asleep. She could tell he was tired and working on automatic; exhaustion was in every syllable he uttered, but the news was better than it might have been. The two children were apparently out of danger, they had been suffering from smoke inhalation, but the father had been badly burnt trying to rescue them and wasn’t out of the woods by any means. Investigations were proceeding as to the cause of the fire and more would be known in the next few days.
Marianne didn’t prolong the call, urging him gently to get some sleep before she said goodbye, but once it was finished she paced about the house for some time, needing him, wanting him. But she had to get used to this if they were going to have any sort of relationship at all, she warned herself later that day. America was where his home was—he had a modern bachelor pad full of gimmicks and gadgets, according to Andrew—and where he worked. His whole life was there. His wider family of aunts and uncles and cousins on his mother’s side, his friends, his history.
It wasn’t a comforting thought to brood on but she could not get it out of her head. When he had been here with her, when her whole being had been swept up in the wonder of it all, she hadn’t really considered the practicalities of a long-distance relationship. Now she could think of little else as problems—or potential problems—were rearing their heads. But they would work it out. They had to.
The next day Marianne was on tenterhooks waiting for the phone to ring, but when it did it was never Rafe. She went to bed angry with herself for being so disappointed. He’d told her he was going to be tied up with all manner of problems and life would be hectic, she reminded herself fiercely. It didn’t mean he didn’t want to speak to her, merely that he was unable to. He was dealing with such an awful situation—of course that had to come first. Those poor children, and their father and mother…It was terrible for them all.
It wasn’t as if she didn’t have more than enough to keep her busy here either. The new kitchen was now up and running but in need of more appliances. The old kitchen had been transformed into a lovely bright and sunny family room and she needed to choose furniture and toys for that, along with a big TV, CD player and computer. The suites for disabled guests had been completed the day before and again were now awaiting her attention regarding furnishings, colour schemes and the like.
