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Her own heart was pounding, racing the blood through her veins and echoing its thunder in her throat so that it stifled any words she needed to speak to finish this thing quickly and without further embarrassment. She was aware of his harnessed strength, of the power in the bunched muscles of his arms and the magnificent ribcage beneath her palms, but instead of driving her to jerk away—as it should have done—it increased the strange inability to move.
‘Kim?’ It was a soft murmur, almost a whisper, and then he bent his dark head and nuzzled the gol
den silk of her hair as he moved her into him again, his voice restrained as he said, ‘It’s all right; you’re okay.’
He had known she was expecting him to kiss her, wanting him to kiss her. And he hadn’t.
It was like a deluge of cold water and she pulled free in the next moment, utterly mortified as she bent and quickly gathered up the scattered papers, snapping—when Lucas made a move to help—‘I can manage perfectly well, thank you.’
He froze immediately, his voice quiet but with a distinct edge to it when he said, ‘Of course you can.’
She had never, not even when Graham had been at his worst, felt such burning humiliation as she was feeling now. The papers retrieved, Kim rose jerkily to her feet, her face flushed and her eyes brilliant with the shame that was making her rigid.
‘I’ll see that these go off tonight,’ she muttered painfully, without looking at Lucas.
He had moved slightly away from the door and now she walked through it quickly, hearing it close behind her with a further stiffening of her already taut limbs.
All she wanted to do was to escape.
Kim stuffed the letters into their envelopes with a feverish haste that took no account of precise folding or anything else. Then, rather than following normal procedure and ringing through to Accounts to inform the junior there that Mr Kane’s post was ready for collection, she took it down herself, lingering for a few moments to talk to the financial director’s secretary before she returned to the top floor, although afterwards she had no recollection of what they had talked about.
Lucas was speaking on his private line when she walked into her office and she fairly flew round, collecting her coat and turning off the word processor, checking everything was in order, and then scurrying out to the lift as though the devil himself was at her heels.
She had never gone without saying goodnight before—neither had she left before five o’clock, and it was still only five to—but none of that mattered. If she had to face Lucas tonight, look into those mocking silver eyes and see the knowledge of her own weakness in his face, she would crumple. She knew it.
And it wasn’t until she was safely in the blue BMW driving away from Kane Electrical that she allowed the first hot tears to fall.
CHAPTER FOUR
AFTER a riotous snowman-building exercise with Melody, followed by hot soup and crumpets smothered with butter and jam, Kim felt a little better.
Okay, so she had made the mother and father of a fool of herself, she admitted silently as she stood washing up the tea things, having sent Melody to tidy her room before her nightly bath. She had stood there like someone who had lost their wits staring up into his face, but perhaps he hadn’t known what she was thinking? She hadn’t realised what she was thinking until he hadn’t kissed her.
She gave a small smothered sigh and gazed unseeingly over the back garden, the large snowman she and Melody had made gazing back at her unblinkingly from his vantage point in the middle of the lawn.
The crazy thing was she didn’t want Lucas to kiss her, not in the cold light of day. It was the last thing she wanted, she told herself firmly. Even if Lucas Kane hadn’t been her boss, she wouldn’t have contemplated getting involved with him in a million years, or any man for that matter. But especially Lucas Kane.
He was too dominant a man, too strong physically and mentally and much too ruthless and cold and cynical. And too charismatic, too darkly sensual and magnetic, the little voice in her head jeered bluntly, prompted by her conscience and innate honesty.
‘Oh, whatever!’ She swished her hands irritably in the hot soapy water, angry with herself and Lucas Kane and the whole world. She didn’t recognise herself any more; that was most of the problem. Or perhaps didn’t trust herself was a better definition? He had made no move towards her—in fact, he had shown only too clearly that afternoon that she held as much attraction for him as a piece of wet lettuce—so she had to accept the problem was all hers. And it wasn’t a problem, it really wasn’t—not unless she made it one.
That reasoning helped, a little.
For some reason Lucas Kane affected her like no other man she had known. She had thought she was sexually attracted to Graham, but now she knew she hadn’t even understood the first thing about such an emotion.
So… Her hands became still again and her eyes dark and unfocused. She either faced facts, got a hold on her ridiculous hormones and made sure an incident like this afternoon never happened again, or she left. It was as simple as that at root level. And if she left it was goodbye wonderful salary, goodbye car and very probably goodbye this house, because she wasn’t at all sure she would ever get another job like her present one. Could she really justify robbing Melody of what promised to be a glowing future, simply because she found her boss the most sexy thing since Adam first walked the earth? No, she couldn’t.
Her hands automatically found a teaplate and washed it.
She had to go into work tomorrow as though nothing had happened. She had worked for him for three months and she could continue to do so; it was mind over matter. And she wouldn’t think about how she had told him one minute that she didn’t like physical contact, and the next had been all over him. She groaned softly and then took herself to task again. No, keep it drama-free, Kim, she told herself tightly. You weren’t all over him, you were just…willing. Oh, hell.
The ringing of the doorbell was a welcome relief to her thoughts, but Kim’s brow wrinkled as she went to answer the door. It could only be Maggie, but her friend rarely came unannounced. Perhaps she had had a row with Pete again? Things seemed to be going from bad to worse in that direction and she knew Maggie was getting to the end of her tether with Pete’s inability to make any real commitment. Men! Kim was frowning as she opened the door. They were nothing but trouble, the lot of them.
The source of her present and very real trouble was standing straight in front of her, and for a moment Kim could only stare up into Lucas’s dark face as she did an imitation of a goldfish in a bowl, her mouth opening and then shutting without emitting a sound.
‘I’m sorry to come to your home like this but I’ve been trying to call you since just before six,’ Lucas said coolly. ‘I understand that a combination of freezing fog and then this latest snow has brought some telephone lines down.’
‘Oh.’ Kim stared at him vacantly. The phone hadn’t rung since she had been home, but then it rarely did.
