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“Salt and Pepa! Finesse and Sequins! Latifah and Monie Love! We’re about to be all of them.” Jones was laughing, but Tamia wasn’t.
She was too busy trying to remember who Finesse and Sequins were while looking at the open door of her office. She’d told Naudia too many times to close the door whenever Jones was in there and come in after ten minutes with an urgent call. Neither of those things had happened.
Jones was the firm’s latest equal opportunity hire. A Howard Law School grad whose supreme understanding of the law was constantly undermined by her lack of an understanding of how to conduct herself in a law office. According to a laughing Charleston one evening over dinner, Jones had the “big/little issue” that many unpolished black females had at the firm—big mouths and little clothes. This sad stereotype stung Tamia’s ears when she’d heard it, but even right now, Jones, whose full name was Da-Asia Moshanique Jones (which she insisted on having put on the nameplate on her office door), was proving him right.
“You know, I’ve been waiting, just waiting for this firm to finally give me a case I can sink my teeth into, something where I can help my people, you know?” Jones said, grinning.
“Know? What do you mean?”
“The case…with Richard Holder—the Freedom Project—us…We’re on it together!” Jones wiggled in her seat happily. Tamia saw wide gold hoop earrings peek out from beneath the mop of wet and wavy curls Jones had braided to her scalp.
“We’re what? Partners? Who told you that? Pelst?” Tamia kicked the inside of her desk.
“Yup! Aren’t you excited? I mean, what are the odds that the only black girls on the team get to work together? I needed a break from those white folks anyway! Always being all nosy. I know my job. How to do what I do and they want to know everything other than that—where I live, who I date, what I eat. Damn. No, I don’t want to eat no damn hummus. I ain’t no bird. Know what I mean?”
“Yes,” Tamia agreed, nervously watching the door. She really did agree with what Jones was saying, but couldn’t understand why she had to be so loud saying it or what made her think it was cool to say it at work in the first place. Luckily, Naudia, who Tamia was sure could now hear Jones’s speech, finally came and closed the door.
“We can do this together and do it right. Blow everyone away. I’m ready. Know what I’m sayin’? Know what I mean?!”
Tamia nodded her head in agreement, but she really didn’t “know what” Jones was “saying.”
Class for Classy Ladies
Being a unique individual is admirable, but being an undisputed ignoramus is unacceptable. To avoid being identified as the latter in any classy situation that requires class action, it’s necessary for every classy girl to know…how to act. Yes, we love Macy Gray, but some situations call for her to comb the dome, and while Mary J. Blige is our girl, even she had the good sense to get those tattoos covered up. Bluntly, unless you ARE prepared to be locked out and led away, don’t confuse being yourself with being unprepared. It just might make the difference between making your dream a reality, or going back to bed for a lifetime of nightmares.
25 Classy-Girl Rules of Class Action
1. Know when and where to wear flip-flops. Never to work. Always to the beach.
2. Don’t talk on cell phones at the dinner table, in a church, or on the train.
3. Never get too drunk or too full. Know when to back away from the table or bar.
4. Don’t pop your gum or blow bubbles—unless you’re playing a stripper in a movie.
5. Wipe your sweat off the gym equipment after use.
6. Know who the baby’s daddy is…. And if you don’t, avoid going on Maury to find out.
7. Don’t hand the checkout girl your credit card when you know you’ve reached your limit…and follow it up with another card that will be declined.
8. Don’t get tattoos on any part of your body that might sag after menopause, or usually requires jewelry—the neck.
9. Own a nice set of matching luggage—never travel with plastic bags.
10. Have a bank account—stay out of the check-cashing place.
11. Don’t get loud at work or with your boss; if it’s that bad, quit.
12. Don’t wear anything to the office that requires choreographed movement, a thong, a strapless bra, no bra, or pasties.
13. Avoid wearing too much perfume or makeup that bleeds onto your teeth or clothing.
14. Don’t litter.
15. Don’t wear platform shoes to work, unless the job includes a stage.
