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I want inside of her.
I want her beneath me.
I want her on top of me.
Fuck.
I want her anyway I can get her.
She’s given me the all clear sign, but I’ve always pulled back. Ever since that day at the lake, I’m making a conscious effort to go slow with her.
Just like I did with Luna.
That didn’t really work out for me. There’s days I wonder had I pushed our relationship if she’d be with me now and not Lodge? I do a lot of second guessing these days. I’ve mostly let the memory of Luna and what we could have had go. It doesn’t mean it’s still not painful, because it is. The hunger I have for Junie is different than what I felt for Luna. It may burn out as soon as I get inside of her. I’m not sure, but I like her, and I want more of her. That’s all I really know.
We’ve done our best to keep our relationship private. Neither one of us want to deal with her brother right now. I don’t know Junie’s reasons, but I know mine. The minute Gavin catches wind I’m sniffing around his little sister, the bastard will show up here, and I don’t want to see his face right now. His or—”
“Hey, Ben, I was wondering if we could talk.”
My gaze jerks up to see Luna standing at the door to my office. Fuck, it’s almost as if the universe is out to get me today. She looks good. She’s wearing one of her dresses that she always wears when at work. It’s pink and tight across her body, showing just a hint of cleavage. She looks professional and sexy at the same time. Sitting here and looking at her, I can’t help but notice that she looks completely different from Junie. She’d never wear that dress. Junie would wear a pink tutu with glitter covered flipflops and her hair up in a messy bun and she’d rock it. Luna wouldn’t be caught dead out like that. She likes to look her best. There’s nothing wrong with that, but suddenly I realize that the entire time that Luna and I dated, I tried to live up to that. I kept my tattoos hidden with long sleeves when on duty, I never once took her to Elaine’s for a drink and to listen to the music. Yeah, she had Joshua, so our dates were different than most in general, but still, it would have never occurred to me to take Luna to a bar. As I think about it, I realize that the entire time we dated that I never once took Luna out on my bike either.
Was I fooling myself this entire time when it came to Luna? Did I ever let her see the real me? Did I try to change myself to fit what she needed?
It’s a hell of a time to think of all the loose ends our relationship left in my head, when the woman in question is standing at my door, obviously nervous.
“Luna, it’s been a bad day and I—”
“This will just take a minute, Ben, and I… I need to tell you something that I’d just feel better if you heard it from me,” she says and I rub the back of my neck.
It would appear that today is just going to get worse instead of better.
“What’s going on?” I ask her, figuring the best way to get this done is to let her have her say so she will leave. It hurts to see her. I might be confused, but that much I know. No man wants to come face to face with the woman who kicked him to the curb for another. That shit hurts the ego. Hell, it nearly destroyed mine, despite Junie telling me that it is huge.
At the thought of that, I’d almost smile, except that when Luna walks in, my gaze moves down to her hand and I see it.
A large diamond ring.
Luna tracks my gaze almost immediately, and I see it on her face before she even speaks a word.
“I uh… thought it would be better if you heard it from me first. Ben… uh… Gavin and I are getting married.”
Son of a bitch.
Junie
I know the exact minute he comes in. The energy around me changes, I’m that in tune to Ben. Immediately, my body comes to life and everything just feels more electric. He walks to the bar, his long legs striding over, eating up the distance quickly. His face is harsh, even for Ben. I frown, because I didn’t expect this at all.
The last two weeks Ben and I have gotten closer and closer. We still haven’t had sex, but we’re doing some majorly heavy make-out sessions. I’m so sexually frustrated I want to cry. My poor vibrator is getting a constant workout every night. I know he’s having the same issues, but no matter how much I beg, he doesn’t take what I’m freely offering. I know it’s because of the way I froze up when he tried to kiss me. I hate that I did that. There’s nothing I can do, and I can’t even swear that I wouldn’t do it again, despite how much I want Ben. The memories are too close to the surface and anytime something even touches my mouth, I kind of freak out. Hell, sometimes the memories flash through my brain when I’m just eating. Still, I want Ben and the past two weeks he hasn’t tried to kiss me… at least on my lips. He’s touched me and gotten me so close to the edge that I could literally taste my climax. He has to be tired of the wait, and I know I’m tired of waiting.
