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‘Yes. He destroyed my life and my daughter’s future over the price of a few wine barrels. But then the only thing my brother cares about is money. He probably never gave a thought to what would happen to me.’
‘What did happen to you?’
She blinked, taken aback by the note of repressed anger in his voice.
‘Julius was furious, but he didn’t hurt me, if that’s what you’re thinking. He wasn’t a violent man, although he wasn’t a particularly clever one either. If he’d thought about it for even a moment then he’d have realised that Tarquinius would never have gone through with his threat. It was his own reputation he would have been damaging, too. But Julius was so afraid of what people might say, of his family name being tarnished, that he gave in at once. He gave Tarquinius the low prices he wanted and took his anger out on me instead. Everything changed after that.’
She picked up a strand of hair and wound it around her fingers. ‘Julius had always said that he loved my red hair, but afterwards he hated it. He used to stare at me as if I were some kind of monster. He called me names. Barbarian. Savage. That’s why I overreacted that night with Scaevola.’
‘You didn’t overreact.’
She glanced up, surprised by the conviction behind the words. She’d left her hair loose deliberately, so that he could see how much of a Caledonian she really was, although her appearance didn’t seem to bother him.
‘After a couple of years I got used to his coldness, but then as Julia grew up he started to look at her in the same way, too. That was when the accusations started.’
Marius sat down on the edge of the bed, his back towards her, though he kept his face half-turned to one side.
‘What kind of accusations?’
She swallowed, trying to find the words. It seemed strange to be talking about the intimate details of her life with Julius, but now that she’d started she felt as though a wall were crumbling inside of her, releasing all of the pain she’d held in for ten years.
‘Livia?’ he prompted her and she jerked her head up.
‘He called me a lying whore and said that Julia wasn’t his daughter. Maybe because she looked so much like me and nothing at all like him. He accused me of sleeping with other men behind his back. It wasn’t true. I hardly left the house, let alone saw anyone else, but he was looking for reasons to divorce me and disown Julia, too. We were already leading separate lives, but he set his servants to watch me and report on everything I did. They saw his contempt, so they treated me the same way. I was despised and insulted every day behind my back and sometimes openly to my face. Only Porcia stood up for me.’
‘Your maid?’
‘Yes...’ she smiled affectionately ‘...although she was my slave first, only a girl when Julius bought her as a gift. It was still early on in our marriage and he thought that I’d be pleased. I was appalled. I gave her a document of manumission the same day, but she stayed anyway. She doesn’t know everything about me, but she suspects. She stayed even when I had nothing to pay her after Julius died.’
‘He left you nothing at all?’
‘Not a single denarius. After his funeral, I sent word to Tarquinius, though he didn’t answer at first. I thought that perhaps he wasn’t going to, that he was going to abandon us, but then he sent his henchmen to collect me. It was just like the first time. He didn’t ask what I wanted. He just told me that he was sending me here to marry again. Scaevola must have seemed like the perfect solution to his problems. Two birds with one stone. A way to get rid of me and make another useful alliance at the same time.’
‘So you think he was planning to blackmail Scaevola, too?’
‘Probably, as soon as he thought of a use for him. I doubt he would have taken on his debt otherwise, although perhaps he thought it was a reasonable price to pay to get rid of us.’
She ran her hands through her hair, pushing it out of her face and over her shoulders. ‘Part of me was excited when he told me where we were going. I’d always wanted to see Caledonia. I thought it would be a kind of homecoming even though I knew my marriage would be the same situation all over again. Then I met Scaevola and I realised it would be even worse. He didn’t even need to know the truth to hate me. He was repelled just by the colour of my hair, though in a strange way that made me feel better. I knew that when Tarquinius finally did tell him the truth, he couldn’t have hated me any more.’ She drew in a deep breath and then let it out again slowly. ‘I thought that there was no way out. I thought I was trapped.’
‘And then I won you.’ He twisted his face away again.
‘Yes.’
Slowly she unfurled her legs and clambered to the edge of the bed, sitting down beside him. ‘I’m not trying to excuse myself. I should have told you before we got married. I’m sorry that I didn’t. After you stood up to Scaevola for me I owed you the truth, but it all happened so quickly. I was selfish and knew that you’d be a good father to Julia, and...the truth is, I liked you. I felt as though there was something, some kind of bond, between us from the start. I wanted to marry you, but I was afraid that I might have misjudged you the way I did Julius.’
‘A bond?’
‘Yes. I thought that we could be happy together, but I was scared that if I told you the truth then you might change your mind about me, too.’
‘I wouldn’t have.’
‘You wouldn’t?’
‘No.’ His voice sounded leaden. ‘Your husband was a stupid man, Livia. Your brother and Scaevola are stupid, small-minded men. Your mother was captured and sold into slavery. Neither of those things was her fault. There’s no shame in them either.’
‘But she was still Caledonian. I’m half-Caledonian. They’re enemies of Rome.’
‘Rome has a lot of enemies.’
