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Jun’s guard went down. This was another mother, just like her, doing the best she could with the hand she was dealt. Jun recognized herself in Dr. Jean’s story and felt glad to hear another mom admit to shortcomings. It felt like a rare treat.
“If you’d like to talk more about it, here’s my card. It’s completely up to you.”
Jun liked Dr. Jean. She wasn’t at all what she’d thought a child psychiatrist might be like. She wondered if she’d imagined a woman like her mother, someone ready and eager to point out all her faults. That wasn’t Dr. Jean at all.
“Thank you,” she told the woman and meant it. She tucked the card in her pocket, deciding right then she would call her.
A few weeks earlier, Jun would’ve ripped up that card or wouldn’t have taken it at all. But the past few days had shown her that as much as she wanted to have all the answers, she didn’t. And Kai had made an impact, she realized. He had been the one to help her open her horizons a little bit. Without him, she’d still be plowing away on her own, getting nowhere. She understood, in that split second, just how much she and Po needed Kai.
And in no time at all, Kai would be surfing Jaws in the competition that would probably kill him. She had to get back to Maui.
* * *
THE NEWS TRUCKS and the ambulances that waited on the overlook of Jaws on Maui made for quite a backdrop as the annual World Big Wave Surf Championship began. Kirk tried to settle Kai’s nerves with small talk, but Kai didn’t want to talk about the weather or what his competition looked like or the judges, legendary surfers whom he knew well. Instead he sat cross-legged on a towel on the ground and meditated, visualizing what he planned to do when he got out there. Even though in his bones, he knew it was a lost cause. He knew exactly what he’d do when he got out there: he’d fall on his ass. Just like last time. Bret and Jesse and Jun were right: he wasn’t ready for this. But he had to do it anyway. For the charity and because he’d said he would. Besides, Jun had left him, and he was beginning to think that maybe trying to convince a woman as stubborn as she was that she needed his help was hopeless. It was like trying to persuade Jaws that it needed to settle down, be a tamer wave.
Jun had made it abundantly clear that she thought he was a lost cause. It was about time Kai accepted that. Without Jun and Po anchoring him to the earth, Kai felt as if risking his life at Jaws didn’t much matter. After all, who would really miss him if he died out there? Jesse and Auntie Kaimana, sure, but it wasn’t as if he had a family to take care of.
“You’re up next, man,” Kirk said, more excited than he should have been. Kai wondered if his manager would even care if he died, or if he’d just print up in-memoriam shirts and make a mint. Somehow Kirk would find a way to make more than a few dollars from his demise. Kai tried not to take it personally as he stood and went about collecting his things.
“I need a minute, okay?”
Kirk shrugged.
“Sure. Whatever you need. You take care of him, all right, Henley?” Kirk clapped the young surfer on the shoulder. Henley flinched a little and watched Kirk go. Kai got the impression Henley wasn’t impressed with his manager.
“You don’t have to do this, man,” Henley said. “I mean, your eye is still swollen.”
“I can see out of it fine,” Kai said, dismissing the concern. The swelling had gone down, and now it was just an ugly shiner.
“Are you concerned about your rep? About the cameras? I mean, screw the cameras here, dude. Even if you walk away right now, you are still a legend. You made this sport, and no one will fault you for walking away.”
“You think I should?” Kai asked the kid, who blinked rapidly.
“That’s your call, bro. I’m...I’m just saying you have options.”
Kai realized that his judgment was clouded by self-pity. Jun might have dumped him, but it didn’t mean he ought to go drown his sorrows, literally, by drowning.
“If we’re going to go, then the boat’s here. Ready to take us out.” Kai glanced at the schooner that would take Henley, Kai and the Jet Ski past the breaks.
“Kai!” He turned and saw Jun making her way over the rock-strewn beach. She held Po’s hand and the boy carefully picked his way over the rocks. Behind her, his aunt and sister stood, waving. He was surprised to see them all. He felt his heart leap for a moment. He was so glad that tears almost sprang to his eyes. He wanted a last goodbye. It only seemed right, and yet he didn’t want Po to see him drown. He didn’t want any of them to see him die.
