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“Now I want you to visualize the water. Can you imagine yourself paddling out?”
Kai nodded. He thought about the rolling blue Pacific all around.
“Now I want you to head to the wave. It’s a perfect wave. Are you going to catch it?”
Kai nodded once more.
“Breathe in and out. Relaxing, soothing breaths. You’re going to catch the wave, but it’s not going to be hard. It’s going to be an easy paddle. Your arms want to take you there.”
Kai tried to keep in the moment, but he couldn’t help thinking that somehow he’d landed in a hypnotist’s office. He cracked an eye open and saw Jun focused on him intently. “Are you sure this is going to work?”
“Close your eyes,” she commanded. He did so. “You’re in the ocean. The ocean is working with you, not against you. You’ve got nothing to fear from the ocean.”
Kai wasn’t so sure. He saw a flash of memory behind his closed eyelids. The roar of the tsunami bursting through concrete and glass, shattering them like a huge vengeful fist of water.
“Kai, I see you’re breathing fast. Slow your breathing. Control it. Control that heart rate. You are not in danger. Nothing bad is going to happen. You are in control of your body and the ocean is helping you.”
Kai tried to steady his pulse as his blood thudded in his ears. He forced himself to take in a deep breath and release it. Just doing that helped calm him a little. But he was still frazzled and a bit panicky. His skin suddenly went clammy. He wasn’t anywhere near the water, and he felt like this? The thought struck him as dismal, and the more hopeless it seemed, the higher his blood pressure went.
“Kai. Listen to my voice. Calm down,” Jun said. The sound of her voice cut through the muck. He took in a breath and released it.
“You’re paddling and the surf is helping you. The ocean is helping you. The wind is helping you. Your arms are helping you. Your legs are helping you. Do you feel how strong they are?”
Kai nodded. Strong. Be strong.
“Breathe in and out. In and out. That’s it. Now it’s time for you to surf that wave. It’s coming. Everything is perfect. The way it should be. There’s nothing to be scared of. You’re safe. Go on. Try that wave.”
Kai’s heart rate spiked, even though he was sitting in his own gym with his eyes closed. “Kai, remember your breathing. Focus on your limbs. On the ocean. On the wind.”
Kai tried, and then he thought of surfing with Jun, of his knee buckling beneath him. He couldn’t put weight on it. The knee would give way. He knew it would.
As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t calm himself. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter. And suddenly, he heard rustling. Jun had gotten up. He felt her hands on his shoulders. “Kai. I’m here. You’re safe. Deep breaths.”
He felt calm again as his eyes fluttered open. Kai realized cold sweat dripped down the middle of his back. He was exhausted, as if he had actually gone surfing. He was even winded.
“I’m not sure that helped,” Kai said.
“I think it helped more than you know,” Jun said. “We’re going to do a little bit of this every day until you can do the whole scene in your mind without feeling anxious. Until it becomes as natural as breathing.”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you know about the power of visualization? Many athletes use it. The more you believe you can do something, the more you can. There’s nothing more powerful than the mind.” Jun squeezed his shoulder. He liked the sensation of her touching him. He wanted her to do it more.
“It seems like hocus-pocus stuff.”
“It’s not. Even Western medicine agrees. Visualization is a powerful tool. If you don’t think it works, why are you sweating? Why so anxious?”
Kai wiped his brow and looked at his wet fingers with surprise.
“Your body believed it was out there. And that was your mind’s doing.”
Kai realized she had him there. His shirt was damp with sweat. There wasn’t another way to explain that.
“A lot of this is in your mind,” Jun said. “You have to learn to face the fear before you can trust your body once more. Your mind is in your way.”
