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"I've had several opportunities to confide in him, and I do believe he'd be sympathetic, but no, I've not wanted to tell him the truth about Christian. I hope you won't consider me deceitful."
"You're the most trustworthy and honest person I know, Alanna, but there's a type of honesty I think you're avoiding."
"Is there more than one kind?"
"Yes. I don't think you're being honest with yourself."
Completely confused, Alanna hoped they would soon reach the junction of the Mohawk River. Then her fears that the inevitable confrontation with Hunter would be even more disconcerting than Elliott's perplexing questions caused her to shove the thought aside. "How could I lie to myself?" she asked. "Is that even possible?"
Elliott slipped his arm from hers, yanked off his hat to rake his fingers through his hair, than replaced it with an emphatic pat. "I know I'm your cousin, and perhaps you fail to think of me as a man, but damn it all, Alanna, I am one."
When he turned toward her, she was startled by the intensity of his gaze. It was the way Graham Tyler had looked at her upon occasion, but it made her far more uncomfortable coming from Elliott. It took her a full minute to comprehend what he meant; alarmed, her dismay grew to a near strangling apprehension. Apparently he considered himself a far wiser choice for a husband than Randolph O'Neil. She knew first cousins sometimes wed, but that he would even hint at such a possibility unnerved her.
"You're like a brother to me," she stammered.
Elliott wasn't certain just when he had stopped regarding Alanna as a sister, but he no longer did. "Does that mean you find it impossible to have romantic feelings for me?"
Alanna was so flustered by the direction their conversation was taking, she feared she might offend him, and that was the very last thing she would ever knowingly do. "Brothers and sisters aren't supposed to have romantic feelings for each other," she reminded him. "That's incest."
"I know what it's called, but we aren't brother and sister, regardless of how we were raised." When Alanna's blush deepened, Elliott finally realized how badly he was embarrassing her, and took a new tack. "Have you grown fond of Randolph? Do you have romantic feelings for him?"
Alanna saw no point in arguing that respect and friendship might eventually deepen into desire, because she didn't believe that they ever would. "Love isn't all that important to me," she explained instead. "It was all Melissa ever talked about, and—"
"Yes, and look what happened to her," Elliott agreed. "But we aren't discussing Melissa, we're talking about you and me."
"I do love you, Elliott, you know that I do, but—"
"But what? I'll treat you better than Randolph can ever hope to. The plantation provides an ample living for us all, so you'll never lack for anything. Can't you see I'm a more logical choice than an outsider to help you raise Melissa's child?"
Elliott's proposal was completely unexpected, but that didn't prevent Alanna from seeing the problems it created. "Your parents have never gone to see Christian, nor do they ask about him. If I do marry, it will be to make a home for him. What would your parents say, if we expressed a desire to raise Christian?"
That she would prefer to discuss Christian's future rather than the one he hoped they would share, annoyed Elliott, but he tried, not all that successfully, to be patient with her. "I've thought this through, Alanna. It won't be easy winning their consent for our marriage, but neither of us is easily intimidated, and if it's what we both want, then we'll eventually sway them to our point of view. As for Christian, I'd not try and separate you from the boy. I think my parents will come to love him in time. Of course, if we can convince Hunter the child is his responsibility, then that will be one less problem for us."
This time it was Alanna who spoke without thinking. "If Hunter takes Christian, then I'll no longer have any need of a husband."
"Is that a threat? Either I help you raise Christian, or you'll refuse my proposal?"
"Please, this is all so unexpected, and I need time to think! Melissa used to tease me because I had no wish to marry, but truly, I didn't consider marriage attractive until Christian was orphaned. You'll have to give me time to adjust to what you've said. What about Robin? She's been your sweetheart forever."
"No, she was merely my sweetheart until you grew up, and what she sensed as neglect was diminishing interest. I love you, Alanna, and I'm not going to hide my feelings another day."
He'd been a perfect gentleman on the trip. They'd occupied adjoining cabins on the ship from Newport News to New York, and again on the barge taking them up the Hudson River. He had been a charming rather than ardent companion, and she didn't want his mood or manner to change. She needed the comforting presence of a protective older brother, not the insistence of a passionate suitor.
"Have you spoken to
your father about this?" she asked.
"No, I wanted to ask your feelings first."
Elliott's face was as familiar as her own, but Alanna found it difficult to look at him now, for fear he might mistake her confusion for rejection, putting an end to the closeness they had always shared. "Please, could we discuss this at another time? This won't be an easy visit, and I'm afraid I'm so distracted, I'm saying all the wrong things. What will Byron think?" she added suddenly.
"He'll be angry that I thought of marrying you before he did. Would you rather have him for a husband?"
Alanna was positive of her answer this time. "No!"
"Good. I've always known that you liked me best."
Flattered, embarrassed, frightened, Alanna didn't know how to accurately assess her emotions, but when the captain of the barge announced Johnson's trading post lay ahead, she was almost relieved that she would have to face Hunter rather than continue to discuss marriage with Elliott.
