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It was only part of the twisted enigma of feelings rushing through him. Rick warred between the urge to push Quinn away so he could protect his heart, to yank her onto his lap and press her body down onto his throbbing cock, to clutch her face and force her to tell him why she left him hanging for six weeks. But most confusing of all, was his desire to tell Quinn how deeply he felt for her.
Fuck, don’t get involved Rick. Remember mom? Dad never let you forget it.
“That’s awful, Rick. Is that why you left the Marines?” Quinn’s hand lightly squeezed his thigh in a move meant to be soothing. His cock twitched in his cargo shorts, begging to be set free from its now painfully tight confines.
Goddamn dick!
Despite his overwhelming need, or maybe because of his overwhelming need, Rick shoved his chair back until he was out of reach. Quinn’s hand fell and she quickly pulled it to her lap. He caught the flash of disappointment in her eyes, the quick show of vulnerability. But the need to protect his heart overrode any hurt feelings and that made Rick feel like a selfish bastard.
“Yes. Since I was overseas, I was taken to a hospital in Germany where they did the surgeries.”
“Surgeries? More than one?” Quinn’s mouth dropped open in shock.
Rick shrugged, trying to make it seem as though he was unaffected by his past when it was far from the truth. “Five, actually. The damaged area was pretty large. Th
en I returned to Georgia and spent time in Augusta where they have a burn unit. They helped with the rehab and monitored the grafts. By the time everything was done, I wasn’t fit to go back into the field, so I took a medical discharge.”
Rick looked up at Quinn, their eyes meeting again. The way she looked at him, combined with the memory of her touch, sent electric pulses over his skin, the nerves ultra-sensitized from his increased level of desire and six weeks without sex. He balled his hands into fists, willing his body to resist.
“It’s hard to have your choices taken away from you, to not be able to decide for yourself what your life is going to be or where it’s going to go. I’m sorry you lost that, Rick. I understand that better than you would think.”
Rick stared at Quinn, trying to decipher the meaning behind her words. She sounded… well, sad.
All these fucking secrets…
Rick’s head was really throbbing now. His instinct was to ask her what she meant, why she would understand what it was like to have no options, to have your future snatched away. But he couldn’t worry about her, wouldn’t let himself get in deeper. Rick didn’t know if he could do what his brother did, if he could dive in headfirst and put himself out there for another rejection.
Panicking, he ignored Quinn’s desolate tone and pretended she didn’t say anything meaningful, pretended he didn’t want to comfort her and ask what had happened to make her sound so hopeless. Instead, he pushed her away by acting like Ricochet, the asshole player most women saw when they met him.
“So— why are you here anyway? I thought your previous actions pretty much said what you wanted from me. Which was nothing.”
Chapter 5
Quinn’s head was spinning with so fast she couldn’t process what just happened. Unable to hide it, she winced at the verbal slap Rick had used to backhand her. In the span of a single heartbeat, he had gone from kind to cruel. With her hopes that Rick could forgive her ruined, Quinn simply nodded. She understood that she had hurt his ego, she just hadn’t realized how much until he coldly threw it back at her.
Standing up to leave, she stared at his face—so unbelievably attractive and expressive. Those shockingly turquoise eyes showed the depth of the damage she did to this man. He was obviously a very cautious person when it came to… well, pretty much everything. From entering her apartment to crossing a parking lot, Rick took everything in as if he was expecting to find danger around every corner. No one could be trusted. He had willingly given her that trust and she destroyed it.
Time to apologize and get out of here.
She stood at the edge of the patio, ready to leave after she said her piece. “I’m sorry, Rick, for what I did. I really am. I had to get my head on straight.” Quinn paused, licking her dry lips. “My dad and I didn’t get along real well. My mom died young, when I was a teenager. Dad had to quit the Marines to raise me and not a single day went by that he didn’t remind me of that in some way. Not with words necessarily, it was his demeanor. It was as if the life had been sucked out of him, making him angry all the time. The military was his entire existence, it was all he knew.”
“That’s not your fault Quinn. He shouldn’t have put that on you. But I don’t see what that has to do with us or what you did.”
Quinn glanced at Rick, his expression tight, then down at her feet. “I know. It didn’t make it any easier then and it doesn’t make it any easier now. Once I turned eighteen, I left for college and didn’t look back. While I was away, he died. I never got to apologize for leaving him or to thank him for giving up his career for me.”
And then I married Travis and put the final touches on completely fucking up my life.
“I’m sorry,” Rick whispered. She glanced back at him. Rick’s eyes told Quinn he meant it, but the silence that followed spoke volumes. He still didn’t trust her or understand why she left.
“I—I managed to avoid clearing out his house until now. That’s where I went, Rick. I was in a bad place when I got here. I needed to get all of that stuff taken care of before I could move forward with my life. It wouldn’t have been fair to either of us for me to get involved with you when my mind was so messed up.”
She watched as he squeezed his eyes shut, his palms pressing into his eyes and grinding down hard. “Why couldn’t you just tell me this instead of disappearing?”
Quinn hesitated, she could feel the blood rush out of her face leaving her dizzy and short of breath. She should tell him, but the thought of telling Rick about Travis had her on the verge of a full-blown panic attack. Her vision began to spin, darkness edging in.
This is why I can’t tell you. I can’t relive it, I can’t.
“Quinn? Hey. Breathe.” Suddenly, Rick was there. She could feel his strong hand on her shoulders, pushing her back onto the chair. Then one hand slid to the back of her neck and her head was shoved down between her legs. “Breathe, Quinn. It’s okay.” A firm grip continued to hold her head down while a large hand rubbed gentle circles on her back.
