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Shaun is somewhat calmer than me, but not much. Then again, he’s not having his air cut off. Liam lets go of his arms, whispering something to get Shaun to back off.
“Dax, stop.” Ethan is still trying to reason with me as I buck against his tight grip.
“Fuck off, Ethan! He ruined it for me! He fucking ruined everything!” I wheeze.
“What are you talking about?” Ethan asks, still holding me back as I tussle to get at Shaun and to breathe.
“Kate! That’s what! He cocked up my only chance with her!” Shaun smirks from behind Liam. I scream in fury at him taking pleasure in crushing what little light I had in my dark soul. “I’ll fucking kill you!”
“Come off it, Dax,” Shaun says, that motherfucking smirk still on his face. I’d love to punch it right off for him. “You can’t have a girlfriend and you know it. Dad won’t allow it. He knows if we get regular pussy we won’t want to fight. That’s the whole point of the fucking reward, you stupid tosser.”
I know he’s right but he can sod off. Shaun doesn’t know I’m planning to get out of here, that Adam and I are going to leave for America with Hawke and Gavin to further the band. That Kate and Ellie are going with us and I had every intention of pursuing something with her once we were gone. None of them know. Dad would lose it if I told him I wasn’t staying to work for him.
Living here, in this shithole? This isn’t my dream. Fighting for the next twenty years? I’d rather be dead. It feels as if an important part of my future has slipped through my fingers tonight.
The anger bleeds out of me at the reality of my situation. I’m defeated. Lost. Without a purpose. I’d always claimed my rewards proudly. I’d earned it, it felt good, and no one was hurt so what did it matter? Today, after seeing the look on Kate’s face, I realized too lat
e that someone was hurt, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it.
It’s better this way. I’m no good for a girl like Kate. All I’d do is corrupt something good and pure. I’ll suffer now to spare her from the pain I would eventually cause.
It takes a minute to relax my fists at the unwelcome memory. By the time I reach the 14th floor, I’m more agitated than angry—scared to see that hurt in Kate’s eyes again. The hurt I put there. It replays over and over again in my mind, haunting me since that day.
I need to do this to take back control, to push out these obsessive thoughts so I can focus on my music. Room 1425 stares me in the face. Holding my breath, I file away my emotions, put up my hand and knock.
“Why hello gorgeous.”
A small, bleached blonde girl in an impossibly tiny shirt and shorts is standing in the doorway, giving me a look I can only describe as lewd. Lewd to the point of uncomfortable. So uncomfortable, I actually drag a hand across my chest to make sure I’m wearing clothes.
Clearing my throat, I manage to speak. “Is Kate in?”
The girl’s eyes go wide. “You’re British! Oh. My. God. Tall, gorgeous, and a sexy accent? My, oh my…” She licks her lips and gives me another once over. Christ, this girl is eye-fucking me and doesn’t care if I know it!
“Ummmm, right. So… is Kate here? This is her flat, yeah?”
The blonde giggles, placing her small hand on my chest. I tense up under her touch. If I’ve learned one thing about girls in L.A. it’s that they have no sense of decency. There is no such thing as self-respect or personal space here. Cold, emotionless Dax rears his ugly head, ready to put this girl in her place.
“Kate’s not in. I’m her roommate, Lila. She didn’t mention anyone stopping by.” Her tongue wets her lips in what is likely supposed to be a seductive move. Yeah, she’s fit and all, but my mind isn’t on her or what she could give me. I want to see Kate.
I let out a huge sigh. I can’t be a bastard to Kate’s flatmate. Instead, I gently remove Lila’s hand from where it still rests on my chest. “Do you have a marker pen? I want to leave my mobile number for her.”
“Hmmmm,” she taps her tooth with a pink polished fingernail. “Do I get your number too, big guy?”
The shock I feel at her blatant come on is tough to keep from showing on my face. My irritation must be obvious because Lila backs off, but only a little. Desire is still evident in her eyes. “Fine, fine,” she gives me an odd smile and waves her hand as if I’m already forgotten and she’s moved on to her next potential conquest. “Here.” Lila hands me a pen and paper. I scratch down my number and hand it back.
“Thanks. Please, it’s important. We’re mates from back home and I haven’t seen her in a while.” I try pleading to Lila’s sympathies, praying she’ll make sure Kate gets the number.
Lila’s hungry expression returns, “Sure you don’t want to come in for a few minutes?”
I go rigid, beginning to get more than merely annoyed by Kate’s pushy tart of a flatmate. “No, I’m quite sure. I have to meet my mates in a bit.”
Lila narrows her eyes into a sly glare. “Oh, well then, no problem…” she glances down at the paper in her hand, “Dax. I’ll make sure she gets it.”
I nod woodenly, wondering if she’ll actually give my number to Kate or if she’ll ‘lose’ it in a jealous bid to keep Kate away from the bloke who turned her down.
Fuck if I know. I’m more worried that if Lila does give Kate my number, Kate won’t use it. If Ellie, who was so obviously in love with Adam, could be so cold and heartless as to break up with him over the phone for no reason, I have no doubt in my mind that Kate might have shut me out for good as well.
After seeing Adam’s downward spiral after Ellie and the hurt in Kate’s eyes that night, I don’t know if I can live with that.
