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“Oh, yes. Sorry.” She leans in and removes the bowl before disappearing. I look across at James and see that he’s staring at me strangely.
“What?” I run my hands over my mouth. “Have I got a bit of food on my face or something?”
“No,” he shakes his head. “You’ve just been acting odd lately. You sure you’re alright?” His deep brown eyes are fixed on me as he scowls. I can’t tell him what I’ve wanted to tell him since we got engaged six months ago. That I can’t marry him. I’m ruined, too broken for him and he’s too good for me.
Instead, I see his bright chocolate eyes and smile, pretending everything is wonderful. “I’m great. Just tired is all. The hospital was busy today.”
He grins back at me, satisfied with my answer. “Alright then love, let’s go hear some music.” He stands up and escorts me out of the restaurant, taking my hand as we walk down the busy street towards the stadium.
The flask of sake is doing the trick, because I feel loose and warm, even in the cool October night. I put my arm around James’ waist and cuddle into his side and he happily situates his arm around my shoulders and kisses the top of my head.
We hand off our tickets at the gate and easily find our seats. When I see that we’re a good twenty rows back from the stage and off to the side, I’m relieved beyond belief. It’s not as though I actually thought Adam would be able to see me in the huge crowd, but I feel much calmer being back far enough that I won’t be able to see Adam, or his beautiful face, all that well.
“I’m going to have a pint, want one love?” James nudges my side and breaks me from my musing.
“That’d be brilliant.” I gratefully accept, knowing that I’ll need more than just the sake to get me through the next two hours.
While he’s gone for the drinks, I think about the last time I saw Adam, at that dreadful house party in California.
* * *
“This place is massive!” Kate exclaims as Hawke pulls up to the biggest hous
e I’ve ever seen in my life.
“I know, isn’t it?” Gavin agrees. He’s squished in the backseat between me and Kate, while Dax is up front with Hawke.
“Wow!” I take in the enormous home, the tall palm trees that line the long drive, the expensive cars in front of the multi-car garage. We are worlds away from Hackney, that’s for sure.
The hired valet opens our door and we all pile out. “Let’s go in,” Dax says, grabbing Kate’s hand and tugging her towards the door.
“Ellie?”
I’m frozen in place, afraid to go any further. Afraid to confront Adam after what I did to him last year.
“Come on, I’ll be right here with you.” Gavin threads his fingers through mine and gives me the courage I need to move my feet forward.
We enter the giant front doors and have already lost the others in the wall-to-wall crowd. “Great, where’s everyone else?” I ask.
“Don’t worry about them, El.” Gavin bends his gorgeous head down so I can hear him over the loud music. “Need a drink?”
“Hell yes,” I say gratefully. Gavin knows me so well, he always did. That’s probably why he used to confide in me.
He leads me through the partygoers to a fully stocked bar on the back patio and motions to the bartender. “Two vodka tonics.” I grab mine and drink half of it right away, pleading with the alcohol to work it’s magic and get rid of my nerves.
“Slow down,” Gavin says, pointing at my glass. “You want to be able to talk to him, don’t you?”
I squint up at him and frown. “You’re right. I’m just freaking out.” I shake my free hand anxiously, trying to expend some of my nervous energy.
“Ellie, he loves you. There’s no doubt about that in my mind.”
“I hope you’re right. Gav.” A shudder ripples through me and I take another sip of my drink.
We walk through the house, searching for any sign of Adam or our friends. Twenty minutes later, we find Dax and Kate in a hallway off of an enormous game room. Hawke appears a few minutes after us with a couple of beers that he hands to Kate and Dax.
“We can’t find him anywhere,” Kate says frowning. She turns to face the men. “Are you sure he came here?”
“Ellie?”
