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Interesting. Maybe I can
get the tight-lipped Miss Tannen to reveal some things about herself in exchange. “Only if I get an answer in return,” I throw back at her.
Sydney thinks it over for a moment before answering. “Alright, you can ask your question, but I’m pretty private. You may not get the answer that you want.”
Seems reasonable to me, so I agree. “Fair enough, what’s your question?” I lean across the table so I can see her eyes. She’s very evasive, but I can usually tell how she’s feeling by her expressive eyes. Even though it kills me to look in them, considering they’re identical to Ellie’s.
“Ummmm…” She loses her train of thought for a moment, then shakes her head slightly and continues. “Why do you and Drew hate each other so much? It doesn’t seem as though it’s just about Kiera. It feels like it goes back further than that.”
Great, the one question I don’t want to have to answer is the one she asks. I knew it would come up eventually, but I don’t want to be the one to let her know that the guy she’s dating is a massive prick.
Sydney senses my discomfort. Being the kind person that she is, she refuses to press me for answers. “If you don’t want to tell me, I understand.”
I can’t look at those eyes of hers as I respond, I don’t want to see the disappointment in them. It’s too painful, too much like Ellie. “No, it’s not that Sydney. I just… I don’t want to speak ill of your boyfriend in front of you.”
“Well, I appreciate your discretion Adam.” Naturally, she’s understanding of my reluctance. Fuck! She’s too good for that tosser! She’s too good for most people I would guess.
I suck it up and meet her confused gaze. “Can I still ask mine?”
“Sure, but like I said, I’m extremely private and don’t like discussing myself.”
What a shock, I think sarcastically. She’s only the most insanely private person I’ve ever met. I smirk at her. “I’ve noticed. I think the fact that I had no bloody clue who you were and you never said a word to me sums it up nicely.”
Sydney smirks right back, playfully teasing me. “You never told me who you were either, Adam.”
“Right, I forgot. The only female I’ve ever encountered who didn’t recognize me. It was fucking brilliant!” I grin as I remember her innocence when we first met, how contained and cautious she was.
“Yes, well, I couldn’t let you get a big head thinking you were all that. Someone had to crush that massive ego you have,” she laughs.
Yeah, I’ve got plenty of experience having my ego crushed. Ellie rejecting me by text message comes to mind. “Well, you’re not the first one to crush it, Sydney.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Crap. I didn’t mean to worry her. I wave my hand indifferently. “Don’t worry about it Sweetheart, it’s nothing.”
I change the subject, not wanting to discuss Ellie, it’s too painful. “So, my question?”
“You didn’t ask me yet, I forgot.” She looks scared, miserable actually.
“Are you alright?” I’m genuinely concerned for her wellbeing. Sydney hasn’t looked well lately, in fact, she’s looked downright depressed. The urge to wrap her up in my arms and protect her flares up stronger than usual.
“I’m fine,” she whispers, clearly lying to spare me her burden.
“I’m not trying to push you Sydney, but I know a lot has happened to you and you seem… I don’t know, really sad lately.”
“I’m coping. As best I can, I guess.” Her glistening eyes meet mine and my heart breaks for her. Something is eating away at this beautiful, sad girl. All I want to do is fix it, make it better for her, but I can’t.
“It doesn’t seem like you are.” I get up and circle the table, crouching down next to her chair. Her small hand fits right in mine as I take it and reassuringly squeeze it. “The spotlight is a bitch Sydney. I know that, I’m sure you know that damn well now too. It can be… suffocating.”
“Yes, it is,” she answers quietly.
“Don’t give up your life for it. You’re strong; you’ve overcome a lot to get here. It’s not worth it to let those bastards destroy you.” I don’t want her to become the hollow shell that I am, used up, thrown out, emotionally ruined.
Sydney takes a shaky breath, her voice wavering as she speaks. “What if it’s not someone that’s destroying you? What if it’s your own memories?”
Fuck. She could be talking about me. We’re going through the same shit even if it’s not literally the same. My memories make me turn to alcohol and an Ellie-look alike for comfort, what are Sydney’s memories making her do? She was hung over the other day when she came to my flat. She isn’t turning to the bottle as well, is she?
“Then you need to be stronger than the past. Embrace it as something that happened. You can’t change it, you can only move on from it. I would know,” I murmur, more to myself than to her.
