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I can’t just think of her as being ‘mine’, not yet. I can’t lie here under hot slick sweat
thinking about fucking her. I order my mind and body to stop this ridiculous throbbing and obey me like they always have.
But electric fire runs up my pussy and into my clit. The warm trail spreads over my belly and races across my nipples. My head presses against the pillow as I gasp at the ceiling and rub myself against the heel of my hand.
I don’t even know if Roxy likes me—if she finds me attractive. I know how futile it is to conjure up castles in the future when there is no foundation in reality.
But for the first time in my life, I don’t care. I just don’t care.
I shove my hand further down my pants with urgency and rock my hips, letting myself cry out a little as I think of Roxy’s slick, sweet body lathered with oil only a few feet away.
I forget about getting to sleep and let my lust run through me. Even if it might be hopeless, I can’t stop myself from indulging this fantasy.
Ten
Roxy
I’m caught in the middle of an outrageously good dream. I’m pretty sure it’s a dream, because everything around me is warm and soft. It’s not like being in water, more like being cradled by a massive air bed or one of those inflated kid castles.
But softer. Sweeter smelling. The comfort wraps around me and I sigh in satisfaction. I can’t remember the last time I was this comfortable.
A sharp clatter streaks through my soft, fuzzy world. There’s a rumbling and a digging. When I open my eyes and look at Helen’s ceiling I realize where I am.
“Hey!” My mouth is open before I can stop it, “What the fuck!”
Helen stands in the kitchen, one hand holding the kettle as she stares at me with astonishment.
“What?” She seems to be having trouble with words.
“Why the fuck did you wake me up?”
Helen shakes her head uncertainly. “I didn’t. I mean, I didn’t mean to.”
“Well you did. I haven’t slept in for such a long time. Fuck.”
She stirs her coffee, watching me as I rub my eyes and pat at my hair. She looks shocked and surprised and yet she has no comeback.
I know I shouldn’t have yelled, but I just opened my mouth without thinking. It’s been a very long time since I slept somewhere warm and comfortable where I could just relax. Still, that’s not Helen’s fault. I am at her house.
“I’m sorry.” I mutter it sullenly, staring at the floor. I hear Helen’s spoon still hitting the edge of her mug.
“It’s okay.” She says quickly. Her tone implies it’s really not okay at all.
Well shit. What do I do now? My only friend in the city and I’ve gone and upset her. She’s even frowning a bit and I think I’d feel much better if she just let loose and screamed at me. I really don’t think Helen’s that kind of person though. She might be the only person I’ve ever met that doesn’t respond to her emotions.
I can feel that horrible screwy feeling in my chest. Like I know I’m going to scream or cry but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m tempted to run out the door right now.
But I’m wearing a robe, one of Helen’s actually. It’s warm and thick and probably the most expensive garment to ever touch my skin, but I can’t go running into the street wearing it.
I also have no where to go. The weight of the dream I just woke from lingers against me like a lover’s touch and I realize I don’t want to go. I want to stay here where I feel safe.
I look down at the blankets, trying to cover my shame. She’s been nice enough to let me stay here and what’s the first thing I do? Yell at her.
After a second or two I can feel her standing over me. I look up, expecting to see her arms folded and her eyes hard as she kicks me out.
Instead she’s standing over me with a great big cup of coffee. I look between her eyes and the cup a few times, not quite believing. She smiles as I reach out towards the mug.
“I’m sorry I woke you up.” She says softly.
