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My face feels warm, my cheeks tingling with blush. She’s apologizing to me… Even though I’m the cranky bitch that yelled at her first thing in the morning.
“It’s okay, I shouldn’t have yelled.”
Helen makes a dismissive gesture and sits down on the couch next to me. I curl my legs up and sit, cross legged, hands wrapped around my cup.
“I realize that the two of us come from very different worlds.” She says softly. I grin but keep my mouth shut. It’s a hell of an understanding.
“I want to understand you, Roxy.” She turns those green eyes on me and it’s like being peeled, a sweet fruit that has a thick skin slowly being opened to reveal the ripe flesh underneath. It feels scary but also beautiful. There is something inside me, a spark, an ember that is responding to her attention.
It could burn, it could blaze. It could overtake us both in a wildfire of passion. I’m known for my explosive nature and if I fall for Helen it could wipe out both of us.
I feel the urge to run again, but I can’t. I’m frozen by her green gaze.
“I don’t think anyone’s ever wanted to understand me before.” The words come out softly, as if I can’t quite voice them. She smiles warmly and I appreciate it so much it almost hurts.
“I want you to feel safe here. Until you get on your feet. Obviously.” Her voice rises a little, like she’s uncomfortable. It makes me nervous.
“I do feel safe.” I take a sip of my coffee, thinking that maybe it’s Helen who doesn’t feel safe. She appears to be completely calm, but I get the feeling there’s something she wants to say.
“Good.” She mutters it almost absentmindedly. She looks so professional, even though she’s only wearing a plain grey skirt and collared blouse the image of corporate woman is already in place. Her long hair is swept up by pins and I know once the jacket goes over top she’ll look like a statue, a towering pillar of everything I’m not, everything I could never have.
I like her. I’m surprising myself by the fact that I like her. Last night it was just hot woman, warm bed and a free dinner. Today…
Today I think this is a woman I’d like to kiss. This is a woman I would like to love with every inch of my body. The thing is that women like this don’t want girls like me.
When she turns and smiles at me it seems like she’s holding something back. I look away towards the floor because I want to see her looking at me with desire, but I’m afraid it would only be in my mind.
For a few brief seconds I imagine living here. I think about waking up to this face every day, holding her and loving her. I think about cooking dinner together while cold winter sweeps past the windows and holidays are full of love.
I scowl hard and keep my eyes trained on the floor. This can’t happen. It never will. No one could love me. Karen proved that beyond a doubt. Even if someone could, I would never believe it. I can’t put my heart out there. Not again.
When I look up, she’s still smiling. Her quiet grace stuns me, I feel like the roof could start to fall in and she would just easily step out of the way and call a construction crew without getting a hair out of place.
“I’ve got to finish getting ready for work, but I’d like you to stay, if you want.”
“Stay?” I almost drop my coffee I’m so shocked.
“If you want to.” For a brief second her calm expression wavers and I wonder what her true feeling might be. She obviously does want me to stay.
I pause for too long and she gives me the briefest of frowns. It barely leave a wrinkle between her brows.
“I can see that you’ve been through a lot, Roxy. Don’t feel bad about losing your temper, like when I woke you up. I want to understand you.”
“Why?” It bursts out of me, my surprise so sudden and shocking the word comes out like a whip crack.
She smiles that calm, serene smile again and it feels like a warm caress under my skin.
“I don’t even know that. But the thing is, I have this job I need done and I thought it might suit you. That’s why I asked you to stay.”
“What kind of job?”
“Can we talk about that tonight? I really do have to go now. The thing is, if we are going to work closely together then I want us to get to know each other. I just want to reassure you, I’m not going to get upset with you over… Trivial things.”
I’m left wondering how our ideas of ‘trivial’ translate, but I feel reassured that she wants me to stay.
“Just make yourself comfortable, hang out for the day and when I get back, we can talk about the job.”
“Sure.” I take a sip of coffee, letting the burning liquid hit me in the back of the throat. I’m trying to just be cool even though I feel like leaping and dancing around.
