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“Oh.” My hands grip the cup even tighter. The special section, a way to come out to my friends and family as all things kink without looking like a deviant. That’s the reason I’m doing all of this!
If I knew it was going to be this much of an emotional roller coaster, I wouldn’t have gotten on the damn thing. I pine for my old existence suddenly, the peaceful calm of my mind and my entire life that was shattered by the idea that I had to have a wife.
Stumbling over a girl who is hopelessly wrong for the job but in many ways just right took all my common sense, screwed it into a ball and tossed it away.
“So yeah, Lisa. What about the special section? I haven’t started trying to design anything yet.”
“No, no. That’s okay. I had another offer for the section. It’s a good one.”
For a moment I feel like I’m moving away from Lisa so fast I can’t even answer. Now I’ve got Roxy at home in my apartment and stressing out over it and if I don’t get the section, I did it all for nothing! I feel frantic suddenly, like this situation is about to spiral out of control and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
“I don’t want to rush you, Helen. But if you could at least tell me you were going on a serious date then it would make me a lot happier. You know what this is, it’s a chance to come out, fully. I’m not giving you the section if you are going to hide behind your desk for the rest of your life.”
I take a sip of my coffee so I can hide the fact I’m staring at her, growing close to panic. I don’t think I want to get back behind my desk. I think that I want to work with models and photographers planning my section. I want to work with rope artists and kink enthusiasts. I want it all and I want to be able to do it without judgement.
“Helen.” Lisa frowns and I know she’s getting pissed off with me. I don’t blame her.
“It’s okay.” I blurt the words out so fast I don’t even have time to think. “The thing is, I do have a girlfriend.”
Lisa raises an eyebrow skeptically. “Really? Since when?”
“Oh, a few weeks… Maybe a bit over a month. I’ve been thinking about proposing to her.”
Liar, liar, liar.
“This is the first I’ve heard of it.” Her eyes look calculating, but her smile is real. She wants to believe me and that just makes the lie harder to tell. “Why didn’t you tell me the other day when we first discussed the deal?”
I shake my head. “I didn’t want to open up about it then. Not for the wrong reason. I just wanted to be sure of our relationship before I made it official.”
Lisa brightens immediately. Her eyes and smile light up and she grabs my arm, giving it a squeeze.
“That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you.” She stands up, moving towards the door. “I’ll tell the other guys that the section is full, and you’ll be able to start submitting your ideas in a couple of days.”
I’m so relieved on so many levels I sag in my chair, barely keeping hold of my cup.
“Oh, and Helen?”
“Yes?” I look up quickly, thinking she must have read the lie written all over me and she’s come back to shatter me to pieces.
“That French place tonight, yes?”
“The French… Restaurant?”
“Yes honey. I’ll bring Sharon. You bring your girl. Got to make it official!”
She leaves the room without looking back and I feel my emotional turmoil flooding through my blood again, setting my stomach boiling with anxiety.
Twelve
Roxanne
For the first few minutes after Helen leaves, I just sit on her couch and look around. I’ve never been in an apartment this fancy before. Its all smooth lines and straight cut walls. Her furniture and decorations are vibrantly colored, but also perfectly coordinated.
I turn on the TV and theres only a bunch of morning shows. I turn the sound down and pull out my phone, setting up some tunes. Then I start rummaging through the fridge.
There isn't much in here. What does the woman even eat? Its all low fat yogurt and fresh fruit. There is, however, several bottles of wine and two bottles of champagne.
I don’t know enough about this sort of thing to know if its good champagne or not. The one thing I do know is that I need a drink and this shit looks good.
