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That was a fairy tale anyway. He didn’t want long-term with me. He would’ve called if he did. He would’ve at least texted or arranged to see me outside work. He didn’t even want short-term, a hot affair to blow off some steam during a hectic, troubled project. He wanted no-term. That was the ugly truth. I didn’t like it. It felt like rejection in a deep way I didn’t want to think about. I felt bruised, when I had no reason to. We’d both wanted to spend the night together. The weeks of arguing and butting heads and seething when sparks flew—all of that had just ignited into a firestorm of passion. We both went into it clear eyed and eager. The sex had been great, and he had been surprisingly tender and attentive. I had been used to the fact that there are men who looked like they didn’t bother to make an effort in bed. He had proved that theory to be wrong. So when the time came to put it all behind me, I struggled. I missed him. I wanted him back, but more than that, I wanted Noah to want me back.
So if I didn’t want to end up sad, lonely and a little bitter, I had to get off that merry go round. I emptied my drink and crumpled a paper napkin in my fist absently.
“That’s a lot of you sitting quietly,” Michelle finally said. “What’s wrong? Are you that into him? Because like I said, he’s a good guy. You could do a lot worse in this town.”
“I’m not looking to do anyone in this town,” I said. “I can’t lose focus. This is a critical time in the project, and I can’t afford to get distracted. Plus, there’s no chance there for a relationship. Not with both of us being the way we are. Stubborn workaholics, that kind of thing,” I said ruefully. “And he never called. He never—anything. He acted like nothing happened. Like it was nothing he ever wanted to happen again. It’s fine. I’m a big girl. I can move on and act like we never saw each other off a job site in our whole lives.”
“You didn’t call him either?”
“No.”
“So you’re telling me that the most empowered woman I know didn’t call a guy back when she wanted to? Because, what? You were waiting for him to make a move?” she asked incredulously.
I felt a little flutter of distress at that, knowing I could’ve called him myself just as easily. But I had wanted to be pursued, had wanted him to take the lead, to prove he wanted me not just when I was convenient, and it had been a hard night. So I waited for him to prove his interest and he had—he’d proved there was no interest there. I shook my head a little sadly.
“I see what you mean. I just wanted him to call me, to want to call and hear my voice and see me again. If that’s not empowered, I don’t know what to say about it. Maybe I had this silly idea that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. And I was wrong. I got what I deserved for expecting him to make a move and call me. I got absolutely nothing.”
“Do you wish you never slept with him?” she asked.
“No. I don’t regret it. It was—it was beautiful, okay? Like nothing I’ve ever even seen in a movie much less experienced in real life. I felt connected to him. Even if it was a lie, it was one I won’t ever forget.”
“And there you have it,” she said ruefully, “that’s Drew and me in a nutshell. I don’t regret it, but I do. Because being with him ruined me for anyone else.”
“I won’t let this ruin me,” I said stubbornly.
“Good luck with that, babe,” she said, and even though her voice was sarcastic, her pretty eyes were sad and resigned. I hated that for her, and it wasn’t what I wanted for myself either.
“Nothing’s going to happen with Noah and me,” I said.
Maybe if I said it aloud often enough, I might start to make myself believe it.
15
Noah
I wanted them to do their best work. So I couldn’t push them to go faster, even though we were running behind schedule thanks to the series of accidents, thefts, the fire. Rushing the bricklayers on the foundation was pointless and annoying. So I pitched in and lent a hand myself to speed the process up instead of pointing out that we needed to make up time. They were good workers, and they’d been laying brick for three generations. It’s why I contracted them instead of just doing it ourselves.
I stood up and stretched my back from stooping over to lay brick. I felt eyes boring a hole in me. I turned around and saw Nicole standing with her hands on her hips. She was watching me like I was a puppy who just pissed right beside the pee pad on the carpet. That look got my hackles up. I wanted to march her off my build site and tell her to go email somebody, push some papers and stop trying to push me around and tell me how to do my job. Her presence was aggravating and distracting. I felt the familiar thrill run up my legs, pull low in my belly, stiffen my cock and run down my spine like an electric shock. Dammit, she looked amazing in a boring business suit. Navy blue this time, so I guess this was the wild and crazy version of the equally dull black suit she wore. I rolled my eyes before I went over to find out what the hell was the matter.
