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We come over a ridge at speed, in hot pursuit of the wheeled warriors. That, as it turns out, is a mistake.
“HALT!”
I call out as we damn near run into the very creatures we were chasing. Horses slide to a stop, hooves digging in and sending up clouds of dust.
The Eponites are holding an impenetrable line of archers. There is no way through them. There is no way to retreat without turning our backs to them. We may all be about to die in the next minute, hammered by a barrage of poisoned arrows which have been lying in wait for us since the attack on the stables, I’ll warrant.
Blaire turns to me. “Let me go and talk to them.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Let me talk to them, Equs. You said they’re descended from managers. I know how to handle managers. Do you know what my middle name is?”
“I did not know you had a middle name. I thought your entire name was Blaire.”
“Yeah, we have some getting to know one another to do. Anyway. My full name is Blaire Karen Wilson.”
“So?”
“Karen,” she says, putting her hand on my shoulder. “I’m a Karen.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“At the height of human society in the twenty-first century, the world was run by corporate interests. Democracy had collapsed in all but name. Managers had all the power. Until Karen.”
“Who is Karen?”
“She was a woman, discovered by the infamous hacker Forchan. She had the power to destroy managers. She was not appreciated in her time. But history has looked more kindly on her. I, and many others, were named for her. I’m a Karen at my core, Equs. I can do this. Please. Trust me.”
She is speaking with confidence I have seldom seen in anybody. My gut tells me to trust her, even though allowing her to go forward means allowing her to be in danger.
I cannot tell her not to go. I cannot protect her from what is going to come next. A barrage of arrows could catch any of us from any angle. There is just this last chance, this absolute Hail Mary.
Blaire dismounts and walks toward the line of archers. She cuts a tragic figure all on her own between the Eponites and our own line of armed riders. If they hurt her I will gut them all no matter how many arrows they put in me, I swear it.
She stops perhaps twelve feet from them all and raises her voice, intoning an ancient human mantra that flows from her tongue with primal power.
“LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER.”
The words have an astounding effect on the Eponites. They stare. They look at one another, and then at her. And they lower their weapons. The one we know as the Queen of Eponites steps forward.
“I AM MANAGER,” she declares in a wild and terrible tone.
“I’d like to make a formal complaint," Blaire says. I almost called her Karen, she is imbuing that ancient legend so completely. “I represent King Equs. We are…” she lowers her voice, but imbues it with a serious note… “unsatisfied."
The Eponites are confused, but they cannot help but respond to the call to their ancient roots.
Blaire gestures for me to dismount and join her. For the first time in many moons, I am going to speak to the Eponite queen.
* * *
Blaire
The queen who once threatened to burn me alive shows no fear or shame for her previous actions. I would expect nothing more. Or less.
“So you come with your Tall king, and you invoke our ancient rites," she says. “Do you think this will save you?”
“I’m not trying to save me. I’m trying to save you.”
“Hah! A likely prospect, you murderers!”
“You attacked us! Twice!”
“Filthy scum murdering filth!” The queen is being very rude, and most un-manager-like. I begin to worry that this won’t actually work. In order for the Karen / Manager relationship to function, the manager must work at all costs to avoid offending the Karen. If the manager stops caring, all power is immediately lost.
“Again, you attacked us, twice. And you almost killed me once, and you wanted to burn me. Remember?”
“Scummy filthy murdering scum!”
She’s riffing on a general theme, but not exactly engaging in the discussion.
“What do you want?”
“I will not stop until all Talls are driven from the face of Epona Prime. There will be no peace. You will never experience a day of true rest. I will hunt you, from this day until your very last.”
I turn to Equs. “Take the ponies. Burn the carts.”
“What!? No!” The Eponite manager queen is horrified.
“They can’t do their raids without ponies and carts. Make them stay on foot. Forbid them to own any equine.”
“You can’t enforce that!”
“Sure they can. They’re the talls. They’ll just ride around, taking your shit and leaving you walking everywhere. And every time you get the resources to build a new cart, or you start a new pony, they’ll come and take that too. I don’t know why the hell they didn’t think of that already.”
