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Sympathy squeezed my heart. “Why don’t we go to the pond.”
Without a word, Idris strode off and around the house, which I decided to take as a “yes.” I shot a grateful smile to Pellini and Bryce then hustled after Idris, but halfway down the trail through the woods, I slowed. Chest tight, I blinked back tears. This was where I should have been able to feel the valve, like tingling waves over my skin, but I sensed nothing of the arcane. Nothing.
I continued to the pond clearing and stopped a few feet from the water’s edge. With single-minded determination, I tried to perceive anything beyond the standard five senses.
Nothing.
Horror crept through me. Like a dream within a dream, memory of the feel of the arcane faded even as I sought to remember it. Would I eventually forget it altogether?
Idris stood near where I knew the valve to be, yet nothing distinguished the location from any other grassy patch by the pond. Not even the faintest shimmer. I found a dry spot on the leaves a few feet away and sat heavily. After a minute or two, Idris dropped to sit crosslegged in front of me.
“How is it?” I asked with a nod toward the valve, relieved that my voice remained steady.
“Stable enough for the moment.” He paused, and a slight frown tugged at his mouth. “More than stable.”
“You don’t sound thrilled.” I eyed him. “What’s wrong with mega-stable?”
“Nothing.” He glowered down at the leaves between us. “Believe me, I tried to find faults.”
The reason for his annoyance clarified. “Kadir’s method,” I said. “I symmetrized the valve yesterday, and you don’t want to admit that it worked. Really well.”
Heaving a sigh, he flashed me a weak smile. “You’re right, I don’t,” he said. “But I have no choice. The valve is stable and so clear I can feel Rhyzkahl’s nexus through it.”
Feel Rhyzkahl’s nexus through the valve? How incredible that must be.
I shoved down the grief and battled to get it nicely tucked away again. The embodiment of Pellini’s stone cold bitch. Under control.
Nope. Didn’t work. “I can’t feel anything,” I managed to gasp. “Can’t see anything.” And then my gut caved in on itself, and a wave of sobs rose to choke me. No no no! I couldn’t lose it now. I scrambled to get u
p. All I wanted was to run away and hide somewhere, anywhere.
Idris grabbed my arm and pulled me back down, called my name. I clawed at him, fought, screamed at him to leave me alone, to let me go. I couldn’t see through my tears. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t see.
He wrapped his arms around me, pulled me close to his chest and refused to let me go no matter how much I thrashed and shrieked and cursed. He held me until I stopped fighting him, my throat raw and head aching. Worn out, tired of fighting, tired of everything, I finally buried my face against his shoulder and shook in big snotty wet sobs. Even then he didn’t release me but gently changed his hold to an embrace.
Eventually I wound down to snuffly hiccups. I remained blind to the arcane, but I felt better, more clear. Drawing a shaky breath, I sat up straighter. This time Idris let me go—with caution, as if releasing an alligator back to the swamp. I wiped my face with the bottom of my shirt. “Thanks,” I said and offered him an unsteady smile, then winced. Three scratches scored the side of his face along with several on each forearm. “Crap, Idris. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
He cut me off with a lift of his hand and a ghost of a smile. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I have older sisters, remember?”
I didn’t miss the haunted pain behind the sincere words. “Explains why you’re such a sissy,” I said as I gave his shoulder a light shove.
Idris chuckled, but it faded along with his smile. Shifting to face the pond, he gazed out over the water. “How long have you known?”
I rubbed my puffy eyes. “I’ve only known for sure since the day after the plantation raid,” I said. “However, I suspected Tessa might be your mom back in Mzatal’s realm, after you two rescued me from Rhyzkahl.” I gave him a tentative smile. “Your hair and eyes and features. When I returned here I asked her if she’d ever had a baby, and she told me she had but that it was stillborn. And, well, I’m a sneaky bitch. I collected DNA samples from both of you and had them tested.” I let out a long sigh. “I knew she’d been in the demon realm with Rhyzkahl not long before the baby—you—were born. Rhyzkahl was my prime suspect, and Zack confirmed it.”
Idris dug a golf ball sized rock from beneath the leaves and threw it hard at the water. It struck with a heavy sploosh, sending up a spray of sparkling droplets. “Does Rhyzkahl know?”
“No,” I said softly. “And neither does Tessa. Someone manipulated her to believe you’d been stillborn and that the dad was an American in Japan who loved her and left.”
He frowned at me. “Who did the manipulation? Mzatal? Jesral?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “When I found out, I assumed the manipulation had been in place for twenty years.” I pressed the heels of my hands to my temples. “But now I’m not so sure. She’s off with Katashi—willingly. Maybe the manipulation is more recent.”
He toyed with a twig on the ground in front of him. “When were you planning on telling me?”
Exhaling, I dropped my hands to my lap. “You’ve been kind of a mess, and I didn’t want to screw you up more.” I shook my head. “So, of course, I went ahead and did exactly that. Idris, I’m so sorry.”
He went eerily still. “It’s okay. It’s out now, and I’m fine.”
