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"But what did he want?"
"Money."
"What?" Goddamn it! I couldn't believe Jeff. That was why I hadn't heard a word. My previous anxiety morphed into anger. That moron.
"He showed up saying that he'd be making a nuisance of himself if I didn't give him money, so I wrote him a check."
"Graham, that's... wow. That you'd do that for Milo, and for me... I'm grateful." I was stunned and humbled, but the whole thing didn't sit well with me. "But, I'd like us to talk about these things before making a decision. You can't decide on your own when the ramifications might affect me, and especially Milo. It doesn't work this way. I don't think that giving Jeff what he wanted was smart. He might come back for more."
"Can't seem to do anything right, can I?" He sounded pissed off, which instantly pissed me off too.
"That's not what I mean. I just don't like the lack of communication."
"I didn't want you to have to deal with him again. That meeting with him lasted less than an hour and you were upset for days."
"So the solution was to push me out? Like you're doing now? Is this how it's always going to be?"
"The two things aren't related. I was ... I wanted to spare you another unpleasant conversation. If you can't understand why I'd do that, maybe you don't feel as strongly for me as I thought."
What? How is this conversation getting so out of control?
"I understand that the conversation with your nana has you out of sorts, but I'm here for you."
Graham rubbed his hands up and down his face, as if he was losing his patience. Then he gripped the steering wheel. "I keep thinking the old man will pull himself together, grow up. He's sixty. Scares me to even think we're related."
"You're nothing like him. You've been great to Milo, and to me."
"What’s to say I won't screw up in the future?" He leaned his head back against the headrest, frowning at the windshield. I went very still, feeling as if someone was pulling the rug from under me.
"So, what? You think it's better if you don't try?" I ran a hand through my hair, trying to calm down and be rational. But I felt more irrational with every second. "Is this...too much for you?"
Graham turned to face me abruptly. "That's not what I'm saying."
"But is this what you actually mean?" Had it all become too much for him? Was it the thing with Jeff? Was the strangeness in the last two weeks because he had second thoughts about being in our lives?
No, those were crazy thoughts. I was just reeling because I was afraid of losing him. I had to keep it together.
"This isn't about you or Milo. Lori, you've got this all wrong," he insisted. My chest constricted instantly. Was he about to give me an it’s-not-you-it’s me speech, or was fear clouding my judgement?
"Let me explain," he continued.
I wasn't equipped to have this conversation right now. I wasn’t rational, and I didn’t want to overthink every word he would say. I needed to be on my own to process everything. I was so riled up that I couldn't think straight, let alone carry a conversation.
I shook my head and cleared my throat. "No need." He motioned to turn off the engine, but I held my hand up. "Don't. I want to be alone."
"Lori, you need to calm down."
He definitely wasn't calm either.
"Don't patronize me," I said.
"I wasn't—okay, you know what? Clearly, neither of us is rational right now."
"I agree. Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
I climbed out of the car and walked to the house without looking over my shoulder. Once inside, I peeked out the window. Three seconds later, he drove away. I released a long breath. What just happened?
