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Chapter Twenty-Nine
Lori
I couldn't stand still. I put on my jogging gear and went for a run, starting through the quiet streets of the neighborhood, then taking a detour in the nearest park, which was bustling with activity even this late in the evening. I didn't feel at peace anywhere. When I was alone, I wanted to be with people, and when I was surrounded by a crowd, I wanted to be alone.
Once I was back in my house, I showered. Damn it, I still had too much energy, so I did something I rarely did: I cleaned up the entire place. Not just your run-of-the mill sweep. I went at it with full speed, scrubbing every corner, even moving furniture around. The tears came midway through the cleaning process. I tried keeping them at bay, but the effort was taking its toll, so I let go.
While I was cleaning the rift between the kitchen tiles with a toothbrush, my thoughts flew to the breakup with Jeff all those years ago. I was two months pregnant, and he told me we had to talk. He was jittery, but he'd been so ever since I'd found out, so I didn't think much of it. I was nervous about the whole thing too, so I understood. Then he broke the news to me, that he was leaving me and the baby. He'd thought about it for weeks, and it was just too much responsibility for him. He wanted to become a doctor. He couldn't let this get in the way of his career. I pointed out that I'd already given up on med school, and I hadn't asked him to give up too.
"There will still be sleepless nights, Lori. Babies cry. They get sick. They need you all the time. I need to focus on school one hundred percent."
"You're an insensitive jackass," I said numbly.
&nbs
p; "I can't do it. It's too much."
He'd thrown my entire life off course that afternoon. I couldn't believe he'd asked Graham for money. The bastard. I was going to find him and shove that check up his ass. He'd probably cashed it, but I was confident I could find something else to shove up there instead. But that wouldn't make the other matter any better. The question remained... had it all been too much for Graham? I pressed three fingers to my collarbone, trying to alleviate the pressure there. It felt like my chest was strung together in a knot that grew tighter by the hour.
By the time I finished cleaning the bathroom, the kitchen, and the living room, I was exhausted and fell asleep fully clothed. But my sleep was restless, and I woke up as if I hadn't gone to bed at all. After a cup of coffee, I resumed project clean the hell out of this house. I had the one bedroom and all hallways left.
My mood was even grimmer than yesterday, and the quiet was closing in on me. I wasn't used to being alone. I grew up in a full house, and as a mother, I'd rarely had "alone" moments. Twice, I almost called my sisters, then changed my mind. I wasn't sure what to tell them, mostly because I couldn't make sense of everything myself. Sister telepathy had to be a thing though, because Hailey called around lunchtime. I was perched on a ladder, sweeping dust from the corners of the ceiling.
"Hey, sis. What are you up to?" she asked.
"Cleaning my house."
After a brief pause, Hailey asked, "Is the apocalypse coming?"
"Hey! I've been known to clean the house... once in a while."
"Usually when you have a shitty week. Wanna tell me what's wrong?"
I descended the ladder, sitting on the last rung and hugging my knees. "Graham and I had a fight last night."
"I'm listening."
"It's all fuzzy in my mind, honestly."
"And maybe it'll all be clearer if you lay it out to me."
My Hailey, always with that sharp, analytical mind of hers.
"Okay, well... I think I felt that something has been off for a few weeks." I went on to tell her about Graham's encounter with Jeff, and the problem with his dad. I finished with all the crazy words we'd said last night.
"I don't know, Hailey. That conversation was insane."
"Good thing you stopped before it got even more insane. People tend to say things they don't mean when tempers flare."
The ladder was cutting into my back, so I moved to sit on the floor, resting my back against the wall.
"I didn't like that he just went rogue and gave Jeff money. I need to be aware of things that can impact Milo."
"Don't disagree, but I think his heart was in the right place."
"I know, but what if it was too much for him, though?"
"Okay, that's it! You can't be on your own. You'll think in circles and drive yourself crazy. Want to go to Annabelle's with me and Val? She said she received some new merchandise. It's always fun to poke around. And then we can hit up one of our favorites for a late lunch?"
