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“Peter,” I say again; this time I rock my entire body to give him a nudge. “Peter, wake up.”
Finally, he begins to stir and shifts onto his back.
“What is it?” he says, his voice thick with sleep. “Are you okay?”
“I will be,” I say, moving into his outstretched arms. I snuggle up to the welcoming comfort of his bare skin against mine, trailing my fingertips lightly up and down his smooth chest. “I just wanted to say sorry. About before.”
His hands snake into my hair and begin gently massaging my head. “It’s okay, Emily. We’re both sorry, we both said things that could’ve been left alone.”
“No, no.” I lift myself onto my elbow so that I can look at him. “I don’t think you’re like your dad at all. I feel horrible for saying it. But mostly I hate that I hurt you.”
“Let’s call it even then,” Peter says, “and start over.”
“You forgive me, right?”
He cups my cheek with his hand, his thumb making small, feathery circles that send shivers down my spine. “Of course I do, Emily,” he says.
“Good, because I couldn’t bear it if you hated me.” I cross my one leg over his and press in closer. I place a soft kiss on his chest and rest my chin there, still looking at him.
Something moves behind his eyes, and then he says, “I could never hate you. You know, all these years, after losing contact with you, I thought it was you who hated me. I thought you didn’t want to have anything to do with me because of what my dad had done to your mom.”
I swallow. “Oh, Peter.”
The look of vulnerability on his face is excruciating. If he only knew!
My heart breaks a little at the thought of him out there in the world, believing that I resented him, when at the same time so many of my days were spent longing to have him back in my life. One way or another. I would’ve been happy to have him around as a friend.
Of course, having him as more than a friend was my first preference.
“The time we were apart,” I say, choosing my words carefully, “so much of that was spent hoping I’d see you again.”
His face brightens a little. “It was?”
“God, yes. I used to send text messages to that old number all the time. Even when I got no reply.” My cheeks grow warm. I can’t believe I’m telling him this. “It’s stupid, I know, but—”
“It’s not stupid, it’s amazing.” He shifts under me, the motion causing his thigh to rub between my legs. “You’re amazing,” he says, and bends down to place the sweetest of kisses to my lips.
And for the first time since all of this started, I feel the courage to be totally open and honest with him.
“Peter, I—I’m in love with you.”
The widest smile breaks onto his face and he laughs softly, the vibrations coursing through me.
“You don’t know how good it feels to hear that,” he says. “Because I love you, too, Emily.” He kisses me again. “I think I’ve loved you for a really long time, in fact. I just didn’t know it what it was.”
Those words send a rush of emotions bursting through me, not all of them good.
He must notice, because he looks concerned when he says, “What is it?”
“It’s just,” I sigh heavily. “I don’t know.”
“You can tell me.” He wraps his arm around me, his other hand still on my face.
I nod softly. I know I’m safe with him, that I can share anything with him and it’ll be okay. Besides, I feel like tonight has been a real milestone in our relationship. A development in our already intense connection. And so I tell him.
“I just feel like this whole thing was doomed before it started.”
A furrow creases his brow. “What do you mean?”
