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“Oh, is that it?” Ricky asked. “I guess I will have to do that.”
We watched a few minutes of the movie and I felt myself squirming a bit. There was something on my mind. I wasn’t sure how to even bring it up to Ricky. It was probably being blown up so out of proportion in my head that it was silly, but I didn’t really know how else to feel about it. This seemed important, or at least it was important to me. I knew that it would feel important to Ricky, too. I just had to broach the subject with him already.
“Ricky?” I asked.
He paused the movie and looked at me. I could read it in his face that he knew that something was wrong. “What is it? You ok?”
“Yeah, there is something I think we should talk about.”
He turned a bit more to me to give his undivided attention. “Shoot.”
“Well, things have been going so well between us, and even though we haven’t even told Zoe that we are together, I think she has that feeling.”
“Right. We do need to sit her down and talk to her, but I’ve been a bit hesitant about it. I don’t know how she might take the news. I know she loves you, and I like to think she loves me, but us officially being together, you are worried that she will think you are trying to replace her mother.”
That thought had crossed my mind. “Well, yeah.”
“I think she is a much more resilient kid than either of us even realizes. She surprises me all the time. She has the strength from me and from Amanda. I think she will be just fine.”
“I think you’re right,” I said. “Should I be there when you talk to her about this? Or do you want to do that with just the two of you?”
“I think it would be best if we were together. You will probably be surprised by how much she has already figured out. That kid is on another level sometimes.”
I sipped my wine and decided to branch into the second part of the conversation I wanted to have with Ricky. “Ok, and I wanted to talk to you about my family. I really want you to meet them soon.”
“Oh, ok. Sure. No problem.”
“Well, there might be a problem. My folks are kind of old fashioned and they are going to have a big problem with our age difference.”
“Ah,” Ricky said. “I see. Are you worried?”
“Kind of, but I know that once they get to know you they will love you.”
“Well, we will just have to put them at ease. You are twenty-five. You aren’t a child and for them to worry about. And it’s only natural to worry being parents—I’ll probably never like anyone that Zoe dates—they need to learn to let go and just let you make your own decisions. So, I’ll put my best foot forward and do what I can to ease their fears, but it will ultimately be up to them to decide to accept us together or not. That is something I’m not sure we can do anything about if they are going to be unreasonable.”
“Right, that’s what I’m afraid of. I’ve always been very close with my folks, especially my father, or at least I used to be.”
“What happened?”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk about it, but I needed to. I’d kept it buried inside for far too long. “Well, my father cheated on my mother when I was a kid. She promptly threw him out when she found out, but then she moved him back in and they reconciled a while later. They had marriage counseling and as far as I’ve seen they’ve been happy ever since then. But my relationship with my father has never been the same. No matter what, I can never really forgive him for what he did.”
Ricky sighed. “Hmmm, I see what you mean. That is a rough one. Do you know why your mother took him back?”
“I always thought she did it for me, but after I left home I thought she would end things, yet they’ve continued to be happy.”
“Ok, then that’s great. They had an issue and they worked past it. Of course, I’m not sure that is the sort of issue that I would ever personally be able to get past. Seeing the way you feel about your father, I’d assume you feel the same way. Once trust is broken, you can never really get it back, can you? That ship has pretty much sailed. You can put a good face on it and make it look like everything is fine, but deep down those feelings are still there. Those resentments will color everything and seep down into it until one day it has a good chance of going to hell.”
“Right. I just don’t know how she could forgive him and I can’t.”
“Well, forgiving is not the same thing as forgetting.”
“I agree. I just think that if my father judges me for this, that those old feelings of resentment I have for him will come back and things might implode between us. I don’t want that. We have an ok relationship, even if it does feel strained. Plus, my mother would have a hard time dealing with that if my father and I blew up at each other. You know?”
“I do. But I think that worrying about it and avoiding it are not healthy. They will not accomplish anything. I know that eventually they will have to learn about me and we will have to mee
t them. You just have to remember that if your father does judge you, then that is something you might have to let go. Getting emotional about someone else’s emotions, even when they actually concern you, is pretty useless. Why let someone else affect you mentally? That is something I’ve tried hard to remember in my life and if more people would set their own egos aside and realize that someone else’s thoughts can’t hurt you, then the world would be a much better place. I urge you to just be the bigger person.”
I smiled and finished the glass of wine, perhaps a bit quickly. I could feel the warmth of the alcohol radiating through my senses. This combined with Ricky’s words of wisdom were really echoing through me. I had to just relax and not let anyone’s opinion interfere with me and my life. Even if that person was my own father.
