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This is something I can absorb myself in, it helps me to focus. Thinking about where my life will be once I leave all of his behind is useful. That’s the sort of time where I’ll be able to think about love and that sort of thing, I don’t need to do it now. I’m only young anyway, I don’t know anyone who finds their ‘happy ever after’ at this age. Avril is just a phase, I will get over her soon.
“Hey there,” Delia’s voice pierces my brain., making me grit my teeth together. I can’t ever seem to catch a break. “You look busy. What are you doing?”
“I am busy,” I tell her forcefully. “Busy trying to work out where I’m going once all of this is done. We won’t be in the college bubble for too much longer, I need to think about it.”
“Just work for your daddy’s firm, that’s what I’m going to do.”
Delia’s blasé attitude annoys me, but mostly because I probably was like that not so long ago. I assumed I would walk out of college and strai
ght into a job with daddy, before my entire life fell apart. Much as it sucks to have that happen to me, I think it’s given me a new perspective on life too. In a very strange way I’m glad. I wouldn’t want to be this self entitled ass.
“Since we’re nearly at the end of college, you really need to take me out on a date.”
As Delia winks at me, suggesting that our date would lead to the bedroom very quickly, I have to admit that I feel tempted. Only by the idea of losing myself in someone that isn’t a client for a while to help me forget about Avril, not by her, but the temptation isn’t enough. This girl is drama, and while she’s good for one night stands, I don’t want to invite anything else into my life. I just want to get out of college with my head above water. At the moment, it’s only barely happening.
“No, Delia, I can’t take you out,” I sigh wearily. “It’s never going to happen.”
“Can you not afford to, because we don’t have to go anywhere fancy.” Her fingers lightly brush up and down my arm in what I assume she thinks is a seductive manner. I doubt she’s ever had to try this hard for anyone before. “We don’t have to go anywhere except for your bedroom.”
It could be mindless, emotionless, animalistic, and just fun but still I don’t want to. I don’t want to disrespect what I’ve just had with Avril for something that’s unimportant. I could, but I won’t. In fact, I might not go near anyone again until I know that it’s actually going to become something. I can’t risk this feeling again, it’s killer. One heart ache is bad enough, thank you very much.
I peel Delia off me and give her a determined look. “I can’t, I’m sorry. I know that’s going to annoy you but I can’t. It isn’t going to happen ever so you’re better off focusing your attentions elsewhere. I hope you understand. I’m not going to be dating or hooking up with anyone until after college. I don’t have a job to simply walk into, so I need to focus on the future.”
She doesn’t, I can tell, but she’s going to have to. I just hope I haven’t unleashed a fury unbounded because I really don’t need that right now.
Chapter Nine – Avril
The restaurant is beautiful, one of the poshest places that I’ve ever eaten in my entire life, and the food is delicious. Full of flavor and presented beautifully. The waiting staff can’t do enough to help me and my date which makes me feel a bit like a princess, and me and Buzz are both dressed like we’re headed out to the Oscars or something. On the surface of things, this date is incredible.
So why the fuck do I hate every single second of it? What the hell is wrong with me?
“…yeah, so when I was on the set of that robot film, I can’t remember the name of it now, but it did really well in the box office, I was voted the best bum of the year…”
Ah yes, of course. I’m with the dullest, most arrogant man on the planet, that’s why. Everything that I feared would be bad about spending time with Buzz is the truth. I cannot believe that I allowed Carly to talk me into this. She might have been right in the past, but not now. Buzz is unbearable, I can barely stand his company at all. He hasn’t even asked me a question once, all he’s done is go on about himself. On and on and on. I want to scream with frustration.
He doesn’t actually like me either, that’s been made very clear to me. It seems to be a tactic of his to be seen out with his co stars, I guess that because of all the stories he’s told me about other leading ladies that he’s been out with. I suppose it’s no different to what Carly told me to do, but it still feels cold. My initial instincts were right, I don’t want to be that girl. If I d manage to build up a career, I want to do so via my own merits, not because of the men on my arm.
“Wow, that’s really something,” I reply in a monotone voice. “A very proud moment.”
I was only being the littlest bit sarcastic, but Buzz leaps on that. “It was actually. I mean, that’s why I spend so much time in the gym, isn’t it? To build up my body for things like that, so to know that the public is out there watching me and noticing… it’s nice. Who knows, you might even get a similar award for your role in this movie. The audience will probably see a lot of it.”
I push my plate away, unable to eat anymore. His words make me feel ill, I have absolutely nothing in common with him. Not like I do Owen… Owen and his funny nature, his sweet words, the way he makes me feel absolutely comfortable with just being myself. I miss him. I know I’m not supposed to be missing him and that’s a big part of this, but I do. I just cannot help it.
“Probably a good idea, not to finish that cake.” Buzz nods towards my plate. “You can’t afford to pile on the pounds now, can you? Not when you’re about to hit it big…”
“Maybe we should go,” I say sharply while pushing my chair back. I don’t want to smack him in the mouth because we still have to work together, but I’m getting dangerously close to doing so. If he says anything else remotely like that, I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold back. “We should get some beauty sleep before tomorrow, shouldn’t we? We don’t want to go into work tired.” Buzz’s eyes bug out of his head and I quickly realize my mistake. “I mean to sleep alone.”
He could be the best-looking man on the planet and he isn’t getting into my bed tonight. Buzz hasn’t helped me to forget about Owen at all, all he’s done is remind me how much better he is than him. If I’d been out to dinner with Owen, even if we’d only eaten fast food in our sweat pants it would’ve been so much better. At least I would’ve had fun. This has been hell.
“Wait a minute then.” Buzz sulks and he pulls out his cell phone. “I need to tell my agent that we’re leaving. The photographers will want to get ready.”
My heart sinks. Much as I knew this would potentially be a part of tonight I didn’t know Buzz would invite it in. He’s basically asking people to picture us together which is gross.
“Do we have to do that?” I ask with a screwed-up nose. “Can’t we just slip out?”
Buzz looks at me like I’m an alien with about three extra heads. Clearly, he doesn’t understand me one bit. We’re two different people from opposite universes. Yes, I want to be a successful actress and I know that fame is a side effect of that, but I don’t want fame just for the sake of it.
“We have to be photographed, we need to be seen together or what’s the point?”
