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All I could do was think about the wonderful time we had together,
The way his lips felt on my body,
The way his hands comforted my shoulders,
The way his eyes scanned my curves…
It took a lot of time and effort to forget him.
And now, when I’m convinced that I’m done with Brandon, fate brings us tog
ether again.
Just that, this time I’m not letting him break my heart all over again.
Chapter 1 – Lola
I kick my red cowboy boots together anxiously as I stare up to the stage. It might only be a small little bar in a tiny little town at the moment, but I always imagine myself in Madison Square Garden with hundreds of people cheering my name as they love my music. Maybe it’s a bit of a far-off fantasy, but I always have been a bit of a dreamer. Plus, I don’t think that I’ll ever get anywhere in life if I don’t visualize where I would ideally like to be. What’s the point of doing anything if I don’t give it my all.
“You got your guitar there, Lola Boots?” asks Doreen, the friendly faced older bar maid that practically loves in this joint. I don’t think she helps my super star fantasies since she already treats me like I am on. “You look good today, girl. Those denim hot pants are going to kill the crowd. You’ll drive them all wild.”
I smile ironically at that comment. It’s been a long time since anyone looked at me like I’m someone desirable. I did have a long-term boyfriend in school, someone who was supposed to become my husband, but when the time came around for us to go off to college together, for me to do music and him business, my mother got diagnosed with life threatening cancer and I just couldn’t leave. We were supposed to stay together but despite that, I got overwhelmed with caring for my dying mother and he got sucked in by his brand new world. It just couldn’t work. We drifted apart and became two different people. It was sad, but not shocking. We both knew that it was coming for a long time before it did.
Still, we split up four years ago now, there’s no reason for me still to be alone. I’m sure Rory moved on a long time ago, but I’m still stuck here in the small town where nothing else changes. No new guys move here and everyone my age has pretty much gone. Maybe I should be gone too, but despite the fact that my mother died a while back I still have responsibilities here. I cannot leave at the moment, so I just need to accept my life as it is.
“Yeah, I think I’m just about ready. Should be fun, right?”
“Ooh, it always is.” Doreen grips onto my arm and she gives me an intense look. “We all enjoy your sets, you know that. Everyone says you should be on the big screen.”
“Maybe if I could afford to leave,” I joke, blaming it on my lack of funds rather than anything else. “Fingers crossed, hey? Maybe one day I will be.”
“Well, I suppose you spend most of your days so busy at the farm, it’s hard to find time for yourself.” Doreen knows why, but thankfully she doesn’t voice it. I don’t need that distraction while I’m just about to sing. “But I have to say you do a great job.”
“Yeah.” I nod enthusiastically. “That’s true. It is hard, but I’m trying my hardest.”
She rubs my arm and smiles reassuringly at me. “You’ll get there. I don’t know when, but you will do one day. We all believe in you, you know that, right?”
“I hope so.” I don’t know if it’s just a dream, it probably is. I can’t really imagine myself leaving this town and doing anything amazing, but I also can’t let go of the idea completely, just in case. “We’ll see. I appreciate all your support anyway, it means a lot to me.”
Doreen claps her hands loudly and grabs the attention of the few people scattered around the bar. They all turn to look at her, knowing what’s going to happen. Like I said, nothing ever changes in this town, it’s the same routine every single week.
“Right everyone.” Her commanding voice rings through the bar, grabbing everyone’s eyes. “It’s time for Lola so shut your ugly mouths and listen, will you?”
Everyone cheers and claps, making me feel amazing. This is why I do this, because it’s a boost. It allows me to live out just some of my fantasies without leaving my responsibilities. I step up onto the stage and smile around at everyone. The usual faces look back at me, the lonely old men who have lost their wives, the families out for dinner, the younger crowd out for a drink after a day on their own farm… the same people in the same bar, waiting for the same show…
Oh! As I scan my eyes I spot a brand new face. Any new people stand out a mile, but this guy is particularly attention grabbing. Not only is he tall, dark, and very handsome, he’s in a crisp business suit that doesn’t belong here. It makes him look a big city business man which we just don’t get here. Something about this new, exciting person causes a thrilling bolt to race through my system. I haven’t had anyone to be interested in for a very long time, so this is fun. I can almost feel my cheeks heating up as he stares into my soul.
“Right everyone,” I say into the microphone with a bit of a stammer. He’s making me nervous, even though I don’t know him at all. It has to just be his new face. “It’s good to see you all again.” Someone whoops. “Thank you, Lenny,” I say gratefully, especially because it breaks the ice and makes me feel a little less uncomfortable. “It’s good to see you all again, I appreciate your support as always. So here we go.”
I take my seat and glance down at my guitar, trying to lose myself in the music. Usually I’m fully immersed, this is my only form of escapism, but today I have something else that wants my attention and I desperately want to see him again.
But I can’t. I need to focus. I can’t let this stranger distract me.
My shaking fingers move over to the guitar strings and I suck in a few deep breaths to calm myself down before I begin playing. The last thing I want to do is make a fool out of myself in front of this awesome new person. Just because he’s new, I want him to like me.
“A midnight stroll,” I finally burst into song. There’s a bit of a tremble in my voice, but I quickly get over it as I delve into the country song that I wrote a long time ago when I was a lot happier and more content. “And I’m only with you. Your hand in mine”
Singing a love song is hard when I’ve been single for so long. As I’m writing I remember the thrilling sensation of falling deeply for someone, but the rest of the time I’m numb to it all. It’s just something that I’ve given up on for the time being. I’m sure the time will come around when I feel like I need to find someone again, but for now I’m okay just doing me.
