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"None of the boys I played with when I was a kid would be open to playing with me in the way I want now," he says with a wink. "I'm not convinced that being friends first is the way to go."
I would have argued that point with him yesterday afternoon but after I'd gotten dressed and told Caleb I wanted to go back to New York, I might have agreed with Graham's philosophy on the subject. Caleb hadn't argued with me. He didn't try to explain anything. He simply called for a car, and sent me on my way, telling me that he'd hang back to close up the house.
"I think he has issues," I say before I realize how open ended that sounds. "I mean I feel as though he's in a constant battle with himself over me, or maybe it's over us. He just seems so passionate and loving one minute and then it all shifts."
"Has Caleb ever been in love?"
I hate to admit it, especially now given the fact that Vena was close to becoming his wife. She was a model who he met at a photo shoot for the woman's clothing line. He'd fallen for her so fast that soon after his brothers and I met her, there was a beautiful canary diamond on her finger. He secured the most sought after wedding planner in the city, chose the venue and planned a life with her. It was her choice to end the relationship. Maybe that's where it all stems from. Maybe he's still head over heels crazy in love with her.
"Once." I hold up my left hand and wiggle my ring finger in the air. "They were engaged. She broke it off before the wedding."
"Ah."
I wait in silence for something more and there's absolutely nothing. "That's it? Do you think the hot and cold bullshit he pulls on me has to do with her? You must have an opinion"
"You know I do." He skims his hand over my hair. "Are you sure you want to hear it?"
I'm not sure but I know I have to hear it. I've replayed what happened in the bedroom of the Hamptons house over and over again since I left there. None of it makes sense to me. "I need to hear it."
"Caleb loves you as much, if not more, than he loved the woman he was engaged to." He cups his hand under my chin. "He's so scared that you're going to break his heart that he's determined to break yours first."
I shake my head slightly, noting the resistance in his touch. "I don't think that's it. If Caleb loved me he'd tell me. He wouldn’t push me away."
"The fact that he's pushing you away is his way of telling you he loves you, Rowan. He's scared and he doesn't know how to trust in his own heart."
Chapter 40
"Are you planning on going to that party the Fosters are having?"
I came into work a day earlier than I had originally planned. It's Tuesday morning and the first words out of Clive's mouth are about the Foster family. I may just need to pack up my life and move to California to escape those men.
"No," I say without asking any details about what the hell he's talking about. The very last thing I want to do right now is party with the Fosters. I'd rather do my taxes, or Clive's taxes or anyone's taxes.
"No?" he repeats back. "You're not planning on sending Jordan in your place, are you?"
My eyes dart up to his face. I can't tell if he's being sarcastic or not. The Jordan joke is past its prime but Clive is notorious for beating a joke to death with the hope that he can get one final laugh out of it. "If the Foster brothers are having a party, I don't want to be there."
"You need to be there," he says succinctly. "It's a charity event, Rowan. I'm presenting the Foundation with a gift from Corteck and since Lilly's best friend is Ben Foster we need to have a strong presence at the event."
Dr. Ben Foster is one of the few Fosters I've yet to meet. He's Caleb, Asher and Gabriel's cousin. He's also co-founder of the Foster Foundation with his twin brother Noah, the famed photographer. I met Noah four years ago when I went to a private showing of one of his gallery openings. The walls had been covered with breathtaking photographs of nude women. I was in awe of his talent and mesmerized by his passion to create art. We'd had a long conversation about chasing after your dreams and even though my dreams didn't line up with his, he was encouraging and attentive.
"There's no reason for me to be there," I point out. "I admire everything the Foundation does, but it has nothing to do with me."
It's true. The Foster Foundation is an organization that provides medical care to anyone who can't afford it. The main focus has always been on providing for those who have no roof over their heads. Ben Foster has set up clinics around the city for anyone who wants care but can't afford it. Their philosophy is simple. They don't ask questions. They are there to help. I've gifted their non-profit with a check for the past two years on my birthday as a way to celebrate my own good health.
"Corteck is partnering with the Foundation." He lowers himself into one of the chairs in front of my desk. "We're donating a software program that the city's homeless shelters can use to streamline the medical care of the people who stay at those facilities."
Again, I don't see the direct connection to me. "That's great, Clive. You know I'm on board for anything philanthropic that the company does, but I'm sure someone else can take my place."
"I'm not asking you to be there as an employee, Rowan." He crosses his legs as he leans forward in the chair. "I'm asking you as a friend. This is a big deal to Lilly and I."
I need to widen my circle of friends beyond people with the surname Foster, but until I manage that, I do the right thing. "Tell me when and where, and I'll be there."
***
"I didn't know if you'd stop by." Asher swings the door of his apartment open.
I scan his face noting how much different he looks now that he's shaved the beard and had his haircut. He looks exactly as he did before he ran away on his selfish adventure. I'm still reeling from the realization that he was so close and yet couldn't find it within himself to send any one of us a text saying he was alive and fine.
