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"I'm glad you called," I say honestly. I was grateful to see his number pop up on my phone this morning as I was walking through the lobby of the Corteck building to my office. I've been back from the Hamptons for three days now and even though I've been tempted to call Caleb, I haven't done it.
"How long can you stay?"
Considering it's the middle of the day and I've fallen behind on my work, I'm given myself just an hour to hear Asher out. "I should be back at the office by three."
He nods. "I've been doing
a lot of thinking since I got back. I've thought about my brothers and you too, Bell."
I don't look at him as I take a seat on a white leather chair that faces the bank of windows that overlook midtown Manhattan. Asher's apartment may not be as openly extravagant as either of his brother's places, but it's still located in one of the most sought after buildings in the city. The view alone is worth the steep price of a bachelor apartment on this block.
"I let all of you down." He pulls on the legs of his black pants before he takes a seat in the chair next to me. "I let myself down too."
I turn my head towards him. "You did let us down."
"I know." He gazes over the city's skyline. "I should have stayed and talked to Caleb or Gabriel. I could have talked to you."
I rub my hand over the front of my neck, my fingers catching on the thin silver necklace I'm wearing. "Your brothers wanted to help you."
His jaw tightens. "I felt overwhelmed by everything. I needed an escape and I thought about shooting up."
"You didn't, did you?" I ask quietly.
"No. I'll never do that again." He reaches to pull my hand into his. "I lost something that day I was arrested, Bell. Something that meant everything to me and instead of dealing with it, I ran. I hid. I handled it wrong."
I stare at him, startled by the admission. "What did you lose that day?"
"My son." His hand falls from mine. "I lost my son that morning."
Chapter 41
Neither of us says a word as we stare out the window at the rain pelting against the glass. The entire mood of the city changes when a storm approaches. It shifts from a vibrant, beautiful place to a dark, disjointed rush of bodies all moving quickly to find shelter. I love the rain. I've always found comfort in the fact that it washes away everything in its path. I need that now. Asher does too.
"I met a woman in rehab," he finally speaks. "Her name was Karen. I thought I loved her."
I struggle with what to say. "Caleb told me you two were married briefly."
He doesn't flinch at the words so I know he's already aware of how much information his brother had uncovered about the parts of his life he's been hiding from all of us. "It was only a few weeks. I knew once I was done with the program that it wasn't a real bond. I didn't love her the way she needed me to."
"How did she feel about you?"
"She hated me," he chuckles softly. "She loved me. She didn't want to let me go."
I study his profile. The contours of his face have changed since he became a man. There's still softness in his jawline and youthfulness in his eyes. I'm only a year older than him but I've always felt as though he was much younger than me.
He turns abruptly to look directly at me. "She was pregnant. We were together once after we both got out of rehab and she got pregnant."
"When did you find out?" I still.
"A couple of months ago," he says regretfully. "She'd been trying to contact me for weeks but I ignored her calls and texts. She came by the office one day and I had security remove her without even talking to her."
I look back at the wet city. "What happened that day? The day you were arrested?"
He scrubs his hand over his brow. "I'd seen her the day before to talk about custody and money. She wanted something in place before the baby arrived."
I don't say anything. I don't want to derail what he's feeling or sharing.
"Her doctor suggested an amniocentesis because of her drug use." He shakes his head as he rests his elbows on his knees. "I wouldn't have cared if there was anything wrong with him. I would have taken care of him."
